An Open Letter to March Madness

Dear March Madness,




I hate you.




I hate you and we’re breaking up forever.


Why are we breaking up, you ask? Well, simply put, you have been a horrible boyfriend to me over the years and I just can’t take your passive aggressive nature anymore.

Every year you totally screw me over! Oh, yeah, you’re great at wooing me with empty promises of adventure and excitement. But, every year, without fail, except for when Maryland won the National Championship, you break my heart. And, I’ve decided that I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough of listening to sports announcers praise the “intelligent” and “respectful” play of Duke while the same Duke players kick their opposition in the balls and step on their stomachs without getting called for flagrant fouls (see Christian “I Hate that Bastard” Laetner).

I’ve had enough of you making me fall in love with cute, charismatic freshmen who go on to make national championship crushing time-outs. I’ve had enough of teams who you PROMISE are going to win the big dance, but instead get kicked out of the dance during the Sweet Sixteen or the Elite Eight.

I stuck with you through all those years when you became enamored with those stupid sideline ho’s mid-majors who never did nothing for nobody. You know I don’t care who wins between Butler and Southern Illinois! What the hell is a Saluki anyways?!?

Yeah, yeah, so you have given me little leaps for joy over the years. You made Dookies cry sometimes and you banned mid-majors from the tournament this year; but, so what? What does it matter when you’re irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior can’t even get me to win my own tournament challenge?!?


If you really cared, you’d stand beside me and not let the Canadians kick me in the butt every, single, stinking year in the SD Bracket Challenge! But, nooooo!!! You just abuse me emotionally every year! You tell me you love me, but you really don’t. You don’t love me! You only love yourself!!


So, I’ve had it! I mean it this time! I’m not coming back to you.

Don’t call me asking me if I want to go to the Final Four next year (YES, I WANT TO GO!!!). Don’t come around next March promising me that Pitt is, YET AGAIN, the sure fire way to the SD Bracket Challenge Championship.


Forget my phone number.


Forget where I live.


If you come knocking, I will NOT turn on CBS and let you in.



No more! We are done!


We are SO DONE!


WE ARE FINISHED!!!



Sincerely,


Reese the Law Girl


PS: Call me…you know, if you just want to be friends…we can still hang out sometimes…you know, if you want…


[Reese whispers] I love you. xoxo


Reese + March Madness = Love Forever!

She's a Bad Girl

What do you do when you know something is bad for you, but you just can't stay away? There's a new magical fairy in my life. She was supposed to replace the old, when purchased, and totally abusive ogre known as Vicky3, but now I'm not too sure. Le Sigh. Well, introductions are in order, so everyone meet Vicky4....

Okay, first of all, Vicky4 really is a bad @$$ computer. I mean, she's so loaded with crap that I shouldn't have to buy another laptop for years! But, Vicky4 also comes with baggage, aka Windows Vista, so she's not really living up to her full potential.

Now before you Mac-bots (PJ I'm looking at you) start yelling at me telling me I should have bought a MacBook Pro, I want you to know I considered that. Since I had to learn a new operating system anyways with Vista, I thought I might as well consider getting a MacBook with it's not completely foreign, but still a bit weird, OS. Well, here's the thing with Apple....

Apple kinda blows.

A lot.

Yeah, Apple blows just as much as Microsoft really. I mean, honestly Apple and Microsoft are like two politicians: both are dirty, but you gotta pick the lesser of two evils and hope for the best.

Look, I know a little about Apple. I have an iPhone. In fact, I've had two iPhones (sold the 1st gen on Ebay for more than I bought it for...people are nuts, huh?). And, for the record, I flove the iPhone! I also recognized that Apple has intentionally held the iPhone back from being as useful as it could be while it attempts to patent the Universe before Nokia, Blackberry, Motorola, etc. And, therein lies the problem with all Apple products.

The MacBook Pro is more expensive than a Dell XPS and it's outdated before it even leaves Cupertino or San Francisco or Beijing or where ever it is that Apple does its dirty business. For whatever reason (a pact with the devil or currently adapting alien tech which will be useful in 100 years when I'm dead!), the MacBook Pro doesn't come with a Blue Ray drive!

I mean really! What the heck is up with that Apple? Are we going to give Beta another try? With the slight exception of the video card, I get everything else on a Dell for two-third's (or less) of the MacBook price AND I can play and BURN Blue Ray disks. AND, to top it all off, Dell comes in pink. So, Dell wins (Microsoft wins by default).

Well, alright so I voted for the Dell/Vista ticket, but that doesn't mean I'm happy with Dell's VP candidate (now I understand how McCain supporters feel). Let me tell you, please don't believe the Mojave/I'm a PC commercials. I mean, I didn't believe Microsoft's slick advertising, although I did think it was kind of funny calling out Apple on its pretentiousness. That being said, VISTA SUCKS HARD!

I've had Vicky4 for one day, and I've already spent three hours on the phone with Microsoft and Dell! And, I'm not an idiot. I do know how to watch movies and get on the internets (typo, but I'm leaving it).

Yes, my Iron Man DVD is an actual DVD and not a CD. And, yeah, I'm pretty sure that I didn't download a counterfeit version of Internet Explorer (what? isn't it free anyways?) which in turn disabled my virus protection. Oh, wait you mean Vista did that? Oh, yeah, that's what I thought.

B@stards!

Anyways, after 12 hours of set up time in which Vicky4 had to be restored not once, but twice!, Vicky4 appears to be fully operational.

Now, I don't know what's in store for the future, but for now Vicky4 is pretty cool. I'm digging this Windows Live Writer. Perhaps, I'll be writing more often now that I've shelved Vicky3. Or perhaps I'm full of crap and will do what I usually do which is nothing since I've moved to Florida.

Yeah, yeah, I'm liking the latter option.

So, for what it's worth say hello to Vicky4. I'm not responsible if she bites.

© 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Life

Sometimes life just likes to kick you in the throat. A lot. But, right when you think everything is just really awful, something (I like to call him "God") steps in and works it all out. So, this has been my life for the last four weeks...


Work: People at my job are evidently talking about me. First it was, "I think Reese has the best schedule of anyone in the office. She gets to work from home two days a week during the first week of the pay period. On the second week of the pay period she works one day a week and the other day of the week she's off completely. Wow, what a great schedule!"


Now, all the above is true. What's not true is that I'm the only person in the office with that schedule (and trust me you have to work for it, as I work 9 1/2 hour days). I'm just the only person in the office with that schedule who also possesses a kick-@$$ corner office that everyone else wants. Now, the fact that people were talking about my actual schedule is not what pissed me off. What pissed me off is when the above statement turned into this...


"That witch Reese has the best schedule. She has three days a week off every week! She only works two days a week. The other three days she can do whatever she wants. No one else gets that schedule, so why does Reese get it? I hate her."


The above is NOT true. And worse yet, that turned into this...


"Did you hear? That slacker Reese doesn't do any work on account that she only comes into work one day a week. I hear the administration is going to take disciplinary action!"


Sigh.


You see, I'm not angry because I think the administration is "after" me. The administration knows these are bogus rumors and totally false. What pisses me off is that attorneys, ATTORNEYS, have decided not to find out the actual truth about a situation before forming an opinion. As my friend Egypt told one of these gossip mongers...


"Maybe you should get your facts straight before you start talking about people."


Amen!



Housing: Housing in South Florida sucks. Seriously, I've lived here almost three years and have been on the verge of homelessness each and every year! Now, I'm not going to go into the first two times I was almost homeless (they're long stories and I'm really tired), but this last time was a doozy.

You see, there's this thing called "rent." When you pay this thing called "rent" the lessor is supposed to use at least some of your rent money to pay this thing called the "mortgage."


Say it with me...m-ort-ga-gggggeeeee....


Now, for good, kind, sane people paying the "mortgage" on your property with the rent check from your lessee is not a big deal. But, for the insane it's evidently a tall task to require of a person. Also, the other thing that's a total pain for the insane is letting their lessee know that they do not plan on paying the mortgage anymore and that said lessee should find another place to live. So, insane people just keep taking their leesee's money and let the Broward County Sherriff's Office take care of any messy details like, oh, say, telling the lessee that she's got a limited time to vacate the premises before Wachovia takes possession of the condo she's renting.

Yes, that's right, some people are douches.



China: If I wanted to go to China right now the flight would cost me $500 round trip. The fact that I want to go to China in August, during the Olympics, has increased the same ticket to $1775.

I try not to think about this, or the fact that my hotel costs almost twice that amount. But, when I'm sitting at home (home = the streets) it does start to bug me (bug = aneurysm).


Man, rehashing all of this is really getting me down. But, I initially had a point and that is that something (I like to call him "God") does work things out in the end.


Work: I've stopped caring about people in my office. And started enjoying my view.




Housing: I hustled and found an even better place to live, in a great community. I found an awesome, honest moving company (Flate Rate Movers rocks!) and got a friend to help me move all my stuff out. I moved my whole life and everything I own in one day. Yeah, I'm tired, but I'm enjoying the view from my new terrace.


China: The administration appreciated all of my hard work (yeah, despite the fact that I only work one day a week, go figure) and I got a huge bonus just in time to buy that $1775 plane ticket. So, yeah, now I can officially say that I am definitely going to China. I'll email you a picture of the view of Beijing from my hotel window.


So, yeah, even though life sucks sometimes, things aren't always bad forever. Just remember to enjoy the view when storm starts to clear up.

Okay, yeah, that was seriously cheezy, but it's all I could think of considering how tired I am from moving on Wednesday and getting to work at 6:30am on Thursday. So, you know, give me a break. Dang!

© Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved.