Wednesday, July 07, 2010

July 7, 2010: The Day the Funny Died

And now, a special report from Something Different News. And here’s our ace reporter, Karma.

Karma: “Good evening, America…and…places that are not America. Tonight, we recognize the talent and laziness that is the owner and creator of Something Different, Reese the Lawgirl.”

“Reese, good evening. It’s good to see you.”

Reese: “Ahh, thanks Karma. It’s…it’s good to be here. Good to be back.”

Karma: “So then, you are back now, Reese?”

Reese: “No, absolutely not.”

Karma: “Mmm-hmmm, interesting. Please explain.”

Reese: “Well, Karma, as you know today is my birthday.”

Karma: “Yes, a glorious day indeed.”

Reese: “Yes, yes, well, I am 33 years old Karma…”

Karma: “33?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Karma: “Really?”

Reese: “Yes. Uhh…you should know this. I mean, you are Karma.”

Karma: “Well, I just thought, you know…see a little crows feet there…thought maybe you were a bit older...”

Reese: “Ohhh, hahahaha…I hate you, Karma.”

Karma: “Oh, I’m just kidding with you girl. You don’t look a day over 33.”

Reese: “Ha! I really hate you.”

Karma: “Alright, alright. As you were saying...”

Reese: “Yes, well, I’m getting older…”

Karma: “Mmmm-hmmm, we can see that…”

Reese [interrupts]: “ANNNDDD, I feel as if things have changed for me. I started this blog when I was 28. At the time, I had so many dreams. I was unemployed and over educated. The world was my clam…”

Karma: “Ummm…”

Reese: “And I could do anything with that clam. And I did. I wrote blogs about stupid celebrities, and bad relationships, and poor working girls, and tales from the childhood, and hot boy fantasies. But, the thing is, you grow up. And you change. And you’ve written everything you wanted to write about until you just don’t have anything left. And, when that happens, well, it’s time to move on.”

Karma: “Hmmm…”

Reese: “Yes, I know. It’s all very deep…”

Karma: “Not really…”

Reese [ignoring Karma]: “What can I say? I’m a very thought provoking individual. And, I think now it’s really time to bid adieu. I really have nothing more to say.”

“Yes, I think that today, July 7, 2010, is a fitting end to Something Different.”

Karma: “Reese…”

Reese: “Yes?”

Karma: “Cut the crap.”

Reese: “Whaaaaaaatttt??”

Karma: “You are not out of ideas. You are not too old to keep writing. The truth is, number 1, you are lazy…”

Reese: “Ehhhh….”

Karma: “And, number 2, you let the state of Florida suck all of the life out of you. I mean, really? You’re going to allow Florida to destroy you, really? Florida? FLORIDA?!?”

Reese: “But, but, but…”

Karma: “Yes, there’s a ton of sunshine. And, sure the people here don’t understand sarcasm. And, yeah, yeah, it’s no fun making fun of simple people instead of pretentious wannabe power players. But, you can’t let that stop you!”

“You need to reclaim your funny!”

Reese: “How…how do I do that?”

Karma: “Well, first, how about you actually commit to finishing that Poor Working Girl story?”

Reese: “Yes…commit…”

Karma: “That’s right. Commit to the story. Make a writing schedule. Promise to write something substantive at least once a week.”

Reese: “Yes! Schedule! Weekly writing!”

Karma: “You can do this, Reese! I’m rooting for you. We’re all rooting for you!!”

Reese: “I…I CAN DO THIS!!”

Karma: “Now go!! Go be that awesome Lawgirl we’ve come to love!”

Reese: “YES!! BE AWESOME!!”

Karma: “BE AWESOME!!”

Reese: “AWESOME!!”

Karma: “AWESOME!!!!”




Reese: “Can…can I start being awesome tomorrow because I’m kind of hungry, right now…”

Karma: [silence]

Reese: “Actually, maybe I can start next week because this week I’m going on vacation…”

Karma: “Hrrumpphh…”

Reese: “Well, this summer is actually really busy. I’m saying though, in September I will totally be ready to be awesome…”

Karma: “You know what, Reese? Just forget it. How about that? Forget it.”

Reese: “Hey, now don’t be like that Karma…”

Karma [takes off her mic]: “No, no. I’m so done with you…I’m leaving…”

Reese: “Ahh, Karma, come on! I’m not saying I’m never going to be awesome. Just, you know, later…”

[Karma walks away]

Reese [yells at Karma]: “I MEAN SOONER RATHER THAN LATER….”

[Karma has left the building]

Reese: “Geesh, so emotional. What’s her deal?”




Reese: “Well, goodnight folks! Have a pleasant today and a happy tomorrow!”

The End


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