Friday, September 14, 2007

Lame Dragon Wars

This is my review of the movie "Dragon Wars" that I posted on another site. I love you all so much, that I thought I would give you a heads up on what has to be the worst movie ever made. This review is full of spoilers so if you don't want to know "important" details then don't read it.

You have been warned!


I'm pretty easy going on movies. Before today, I only had two movies on my list of worst movies ever (Ghost of Mars and The Flintstones). I went to see Dragon Wars knowing nothing about the movie. I didn't know it was Korean, I didn't know there was all this nationalistic pride about it, I really didn't know anything. I just saw the previews about some dragons fighting and I didn't have to work today, so I shot over to the theater to see it (going to see The Brave One with friends tomorrow). Anyways, I went in to this movie completely unbiased...

And it was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.

I'm sorry to all the Koreans out there who loved this movie. I never thought that any movie could be worse than Ghost of Mars which didn't make sense or the Flintstones which was just ridiculous. But, "D-Wars" actually did it. It was actually the worst movie I have ever seen.

When the movie started and the antique store guy was explaining the legend, I was like "is this a children's movie?" And then, when the guy was explaining about the Yugio (lol!) and the good Pokemon vs. the bad Pokemon (double lol!), I was like "What the hell?" And then when the bad Pokemon's worturtles decided to blow up the girl Transformer's spark, even though that would defeat the whole purpose of whatever their purpose was, I was like "OH MY GOD! WHAT STUDIO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!"

And then I realized that the film just didn't "look" American. And the city didn't look like any readily identifiable American city (hence the movie taking place in L.A. and not NY or DC), and I was like "This must not be an American film."

And then I kept watching, took a nap for 10 minutes, woke up to see more Pokemon fighting, wondered if the hot guy from Palace would show up since the movie was obviously Korean, didn't see the hot guy from Palace so went back to sleep, text messaged my friends to let them know how awful the movie was ("everyone involved with this movie should be shot!"), laughed out loud several times, yawned, laughed again at "I will love you for all eternity," and then walked out the theater to listen to Kanye's new CD on my iPhone.

Needless to say, my iPhone was the highlight of this movie going experience.

My Fellow Americans listen up- do not see this movie. For the love of god, do not see this movie. You will throw up, a lot, in your mouth, if you see this movie.

And nobody wants that.

Labels: , , , ,

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Sheena Easton: My Hero

I cannot describe to you the amount with which I loved Sheena Easton as a little girl.

I LOVED Sheena Easton!

I mean, everything about Sheena Easton was wonderful to me in the first decade of my life. Her songs were wonderful, her clothes were wonderful, her friends were wonderful (hello- Prince?), and her crazy stare into the camera was wonderful. Everything about Sheena Easton was awesome. And even though I would always get her confused with Sheila E., I always knew that when I grew up I was going to be just like Sheena Easton (and also Janet Jackson, Teena Marie, and Wonder Woman). I mean I literally remember watching the above video for “The Lover in Me” and thinking, “Oh my gawd! I can’t wait until I grow up and get to wear a black mini-dress like Sheena!”

Really, I was such a ho as a kid.

Still wouldn’t mind looking like Sheena today though.

I’m just saying…