Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Step 1 in Reese's Full Proof Plan to Get an Appointment in the Obama Administration

DISCLAIMER: This post was inspired by a Slate article written by Justin Peters. It's actually very funny.

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So the following is Step 1 in my fool proof plan to get a job in the Obama Administration. Please note that this is the only step.


Reese the Law Girl: Answers to Invasive Questions for Possible Appointment in the Obama Administration



Briefly describe the most controversial matters you have been involved with during the course of your career.


Well…


Okay, I admit that during the Judicial Writing seminar I we weren’t really paying attention.

Also, it was my fault that the circuit breaker tripped that one time in my office and the electricity went out. I had an illegal space heater and there was an unfortunate surge...


Okay, you have to understand. I have a corner office and it has TWO windows instead of two walls and the AC is on full blast all the time! Naturally, I’m going to get cold. I’m human for cripes sake!


Yes, I know I told the maintenance guy that I have “No idea why the electricity went off. It certainly wasn’t because I have a heater in my office!” when he asked me if I had a heater in my office. But…I didn’t want anyone to be mad at me…or confiscate my heater…


Ummm….that's all...I think...


Please do not respond to the answer to this question by taking away my corner office. Thank you.

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Writings: Please list and, if readily available, provide a copy of each book, article, column or publication (including but not limited to any posts or comments on blogs or other websites) you have authored, individually or with others. Please list all aliases or “handles” you have used to communicate on the Internet.


First of all let me just say how excited I am to have this opportunity. And, I think if you, you know look at my work experience as opposed too…


Sigh.


Okay, this is really funny when you think about it…


See, I started this dumb little blog because I was not working and needed something to do that was semi-positive. Being a Maryland native who was raised in the glorious Washington DC area, I’m a natural cynic; therefore, being semi-positive is a big chore for me is totally natural as one needs to be semi-positive if one wants to institute real change (Yes I Can!). So, I often made fun of the stupid people and things around me on my silly little blog of no consequence just as an outlet. Hehehehe.


Notwithstanding anything you think you may have read on said blog that may not even really exist in any dimensional plane of our reality, please know that I really don’t believe that steroids should be legal. I don’t really think Americans are the best at getting screwed. Also, I would like to point out that I am not “Evil Incarnate,” I don’t think "Karma"is a real-live person, my wisdom tooth cannot tell the future (Hey, LQ my wisdom tooth totally told the future!), and I realized long ago that I was not going to have Brad Pitt’s baby(ies).


Most of this was a joke, really. I mean. It’s funny.


Hahahahaha!


Laugh with me…


…please…

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Electronic communications: If you have ever sent an electronic communication including but not limited to an email, text message or instant message, that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-Elect if it were made public, please describe.


Let’s see…


I started writing e-mails around 1996. So I would say every e-mail I’ve written since 1996 would qualify as a possible source of embarrassment.


You know, I really want to be forthcoming about my background. So, to make things easier for you, I’m just going to list all the people I’ve ever said I hated in an e-mail message…


Ahem…


Black people

White people

Asian people

Latino people

Native American people

Gay people

Straight people

The Disabled

Stupid People

Hypocrites

Conservatives (I know, I know sorta the same thing as hypocrites)

Midgets

Lizards

The Liberal Media Elite

The State of Florida

The State of Ohio

UPS

Best Buy

DHL

Britney Spears

People Who Hate on Britney Spears

Beyonce

Jennifer Lopez

People Who Hate on Michael Vick, but Hunt Animals for Sport (I know, I know I keep duplicating hypocrites)

Michael Vick

Children, All

The Planet Earth


Sigh.


I’m not getting this job am I?

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Please furnish a copy of each net worth statement that you have prepared and submitted for any purpose (e.g. bank loans) during the past ten years.


Please see attached application for a “loan” from Dell Financial Services for Vicky4. I think you’ll be pretty surprised by my obvious immense wealth. After all, it’s not every day that Dell gives someone thousands of dollars at 50% interest.


Not everyday indeed.


Hehehehe, I totally aced this question!

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Have any members of your family or close social or business associates been arrested for, charged with and/or convicted of a crime, other than a minor traffic violation?


You know I should not be held responsible for my 5th cousin’s Dog Racing/Pyramid Scheme! (also known as Little TayTay's Dog Racing & Pyramid Scheme Extravaganza!)

I mean of course Little TayTay was arrested and sent to prison. The whole thing didn’t even make any sense!


I totally think it's majorly whack that this little "situation" would be used against me. Haven’t you people ever heard of “the sins of the Father?”

Huh?!? Haven’t you?!?! That’s like, you know, a bad thing to do…to people!


You know what? I’m not even dignifying this question with an answer.


I mean, really people! Let’s keep this interview relevant!


Sigh.


I’m not getting this job, am I?

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Have you had a complete physical within the past year? Please describe your overall health and any medical treatment you are currently receiving.


Who told you I was anemic?!?


Was it Lisa? It was Lisa wasn't it?


Was it Lisa?!? You know she's been undermining me from the jump! And you know you can't trust her! Lisa's not even her real name!! AND, she's one of those Islams and you know they can't be trusted!


LISA I WILL CUT YOU!!


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Please provide any other information, including information about other members of your family that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-Elect.


At this point in time I would like to withdraw my application for a position within the new Administration.

Sure, we had a good run and I really wanted to serve the public good. But I can see that all those HATERS out there will not let real change sweep the land. Well, I’m not going to stand by and let the HATERS use me to stop the nation from going forward!

I shall resign from my awesome hypothetical Cabinet position and become a corporate whore lobbyist/consultant for a big time corporation public-interest group where I can do more good than being tied down by the U.S. Constitution red-tape of the government.


Good day to you all and may Karma destroy all your dreams God Bless!


Sincerely,

Reese the Law Girl xoxo

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Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Does Anyone Have Any Swatch Samples?



A detailed post on plans to paint the White House black and other things that will happen as a result of Black people "taking over" is forthcoming.

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