Tuesday, March 01, 2005

A Memo From "Lisa"

PREFACE


It has come to my attention that some of you believe that there is no "Lisa." As you know, "Lisa" is 1/2 of Welcome to a Dysfunctional Relationship. Well, I just want to reassure everyone that "Lisa" is REAL. No, I am not "Lisa." She is not a character I conjured up in my imagination. I do not ever post as "Lisa." I post always as Reese the Law Girl.

You see, Reese the Law Girl is MY alter ego. She is based on me. Reese the Law Girl is not an Assistant District Attorney, because I am not an Assistant District Attorney. She does not have a boyfriend who is anciently older than she is, because I don't. And, she does not go out with boys who profess love within a month of dating, because I wouldn't [if Welcome to a Dysfunctional Relationship were about me it would be 1 article long; the first date and then Reese never returning the dude's phone calls].

I do not have an alter ego for my alter ego. In other words, Reese the Law Girl's alter ego is not "Lisa." That would be insane. And, I know that I have said many a crazy thing on this blog. But, and this is the point that you must forever remember, I am not psychotic. I do not have 2 alter egos. And, let me reassure you that if I did have a split personality, I would never name the other person "Lisa." It would be something more exotic.

Japanese inspired maybe.

Something like "Nehelania" or something. Ohhh, I'd also go for "Ava" or, and this would be if I was really nuts, "Halle Berry."

So, folks, just remember, I AM NOT "LISA."

Now, I'm sure that you don't believe me. But, in any case, the following is a Memo to you, from "Lisa." She's very upset that you all think she isn't real. Please consider what she has to say and we'll never mention this again.
____________________________________________


MEMORANDUM: Lisa is real!!!!



Occasionally (Very occasionally. Unlike some blog owners, I work.) I cruise through this blog and see what my good (well sometimes good) friend Reese has been up to. While reading up on myself in this blog I recently made a horrifying discovery. SOME PEOPLE DON'T THINK I AM REAL!!!!

Some of you readers of Reese’s blog think I am a figment of Reese’s imagination or worse an alter ego of Reese. This denial of my existence truly hurts me. As you can see from Reese's many articles about me, I am a very sensitive soul easily crushed by the words of others. My first reaction after my two hour crying jag was to demand that Reese clarify my existence on her blog. However I then reread some of Reese’s articles. After careful review of the dysfunctional relationship series (which I am told is based on MY [Reese Edit] relationship) I decided that I could not trust Reese to accurately report on my words.

She seems to have a tendency to exaggerate when reporting on her friends. As a matter of fact people who read this blog probably don’t know a lot of things about Reese. Therefore I felt it behooved me to write a small note on this blog defending not only my right to exist but the many deceptions perpetrated by Reese. It’s time for people to get to know the REAL Reese!


Important Reese Fact 1 #: The Name

It’s a fake people. Her real name isn’t Reese. Reese is an alias she uses to disguise her true identity. Why? Is it because she wants to be more like the super heroes she adores. No ladies and Gentleman it’s because she believes that the readers of her blog are probably Psycho stalkers who may hunt her down and kill her in her sleep if they have her true first name. Now some of you may point out that I am writing this article under an alias as well. However that is totally different because {This portion of the article was censored by Reese as Lisa inadvertently revealed information that could help reveal my secret I mean true identity} [Reese Edit: As you can tell, I actually did not do this previous edit, as "Reese Edits" look like this: [Reese Edit:]; that was just "Lisa" attempting to be humorous; I know, it was a sad attempt, but I urge you to keep reading].

Important Reese Fact 2 #: The Psycho Stalker

Be wary of taking any advice about men from Reese because according to Reese all men are Psycho stalkers. Why Lisa, you may ask, surely that is an exaggeration. To illustrate my point I will now recreate a typical Reese conversation.

Lisa: Hey Reese I just met this nice guy. He calls a lot and seems into to me.

Reese: Calls a lot? What you mean like more then once every four days? Seems like a psycho stalker to me.

Lisa: But Reese he seems really nice and….

Reese (interrupting as is her habit): Look I am just trying to help you. Don’t come crying to me when he murders you in your sleep. Any guy who {Insert inconsequential male habit} is clearly a psycho stalker.

Lisa: But you think everyone is a Psycho Stalker

Reese: That’s because they are. If you girls would just listen to me you wouldn’t have these problems.

Lisa: Problems?! I just called to say I met someone.

Reese: Yeah a Psycho stalker. How is that good news? You are soooo crazy Lisa. I should do an article in my blog about you….

Important Reese Fact 3 #: Always look on the down side.

Reese often claims to be able to predict the future. And I must admit she is frequently correct. You may wonder how she does it and it is really quite simple. Whatever is going on in the world, Reese always predicts that something worse is just around the corner. Again Typical Reese conversation in Aug 2004:

Reese: Whoa is me! Whoa is me! I haven’t found a job yet.

Lisa: Cheer up Reese something will come up.

Reese: No it won’t because Bush is going to be reelected.

Lisa: Hey maybe Bush won’t be reelected.

Reese: Poor foolish Lisa. Don’t you know anything. Bush is definitely getting reelected.

Bush gets reelected

Reese: I told you so.

Lisa: Well at least he will be out of office in four years

Reese: Don’t count on it. These are the last days. I wouldn’t be surprised if earth quakes and plagues started up.

Lisa: Reese don’t be ridiculous

Tsunami kills 150,000

Reese: See I told you. This is just another sign of the last days.

Lisa: Hey things can’t get any worse

Reese: Really well I think….

You get the idea. I could continue to point out all Reese’s many flaws (or at least Ten as I had originally planned) but I think I will stop there for now. She is always begging her friends to write articles for her blog so let’s just wait to see if she posts this. Something tells me it will be severely edited. If some version of this document does appear on her blog I may bestir myself to write again. My next article we be either facts 4-6 or a strong defense of the very [Reese Edit] relationship I share with the man Reese has deemed “Mike.” Who I think is [Reese Edit]. Who I [Reese Edit]. Who I [Reese Edit] so much.

Oh God I have to go throw up now. Bye.


[Reese Commentary: Sorry for all the edits ya’ll. But, I just can’t have “Lisa” giving away the future details of "Welcome to a Dysfunctional Relationship." But, please remember, “Lisa” is real. “Lisa” is real. “Lisa” is real.

Oh, God, “Lisa” is gonna kill me for editing the last part of her Memo. Oh, well. It’s my blog darnit!]

© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved

23 Comments:

Blogger Karla said...

Oh I am sorry that "Lisa" felt that way. I for one knew that she was real because she left me a very nice message on my blog. I was a little sad when I could not leave her a comment back thanking her for her nice comment to me.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Karla: Yea, she's playing around with her profile or something. Don't feel bad for her. She's not hurt as much as astonished that people may think she's not real. I think she thinks it's funny.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Geez people, it isn't that serious!

LMFAO! I cannot believe you Reese! You have LOST your mind! Was it a snow day yesterday?

Fine! "Lisa" is real.Happy now?

11:57 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Desiree:

No, it's not that serious. The post is supposed to be funny. But, it's also supposed to let people know (*cough Desiree *cough) that "Lisa" is real.

And, no it was not a snow day. ;p~~ I just had to set the record straight and prove my sanity- thanx to you! ;p~~~

12:21 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Hi Reese
It was very very funny. Its not that serious is my new phrase. I use it for everything. When I like a phrase, I really like it.

And besides, we know that you don't really exist. You are probably Lisa, and there really is no Reese. Thats it!! I got it now ha?

Lisa-Reese Rocks!!

12:24 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Did I mention how flattered I am about receiving my very own Post with all the effort and talent put into it, all for me! Thats AWESOME, thank you!!!

12:25 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Desiree:

Yes, all the effort and talent of TWO people. Remember, TWO people.

LOL! Now, I don't exist. Well, whatever, as long as everyone keeps reading. :)

12:29 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Reese!!
I just made a VERY interesting discovery on sucia board. Someone that hasn't been around, named Lisa appeared today!! AND she kind of has the same ID as you, soooo...I checked her profile and she's also in Law. AND she lives in Chicago....Geez, I think I should be a detective.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Who is this phantom Lisa you speak of? I need to talk to her. She may be infringing on my copyright. ;)

In any case, that's not our "Lisa." Remember, our "Lisa" lives in a red state down south.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Ya, I just realized your from a completely different state. I visited there last April by the way, and enjoyed it very much. My unreachable long distant boyfriend use to play for the minor baseball team there ;) Ok, so I'll admit it, I'M the one thats nuts. I apologize. I will not question yours or Lisas existance any longer.

12:49 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

Aaarrrggghh!!!!!!!!
Stil People doubt me. There is no hope. I give up.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Desiree:

Did he play for the Bowie Baysox? Just curious.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

OMG! Ya he did!! How the heck did you know that? He played for them, and for the Keys.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Lisa,
I'm Sooooory! I apologized publicly already. Lisa, I know you exist. I'm sorry =)

1:21 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Desiree:

The Bowie Baysox are the only minor league team I know about in the area. They're pretty popular. I just guessed. Or as "Lisa" said, predicted the future. Or, actually, the present, I guess. :)

2:15 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

ha ha you girls are too funny.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Oh ya ha? Duh. I went to a few of his games, and you would swear that it was the Orioles playing by the attendance. They were REALLY into it. He no longer plays though. He's back in Idaho. Well, have a great day!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Okay, so I guess I predicted the past. ;)

3:23 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Hey Reeese, have you had your date with the dentist yet?

1:39 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I'm not sure either of you exist now. Confused....head...hurts...must...get...Tylenol...or..icepick. I like you blog tho'. Wish I could write as well as you. Real or not.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Desiree: Yes, and I have already written something about it. And, once I post it, we will never talk about Dr. CMED again. ;p

Jerk of all Trades: LOL! Well, you've got a great sense of humor. Thanx to Desiree, though, I'm pretty sure I don't exist either. Maybe I live in the Matrix?

Thanx for reading and enjoying! :)

1:51 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

I cannot wait to read that post!
He must have done something obnoxious or wait - wait- he called you! Therefore, he is a STALKER!!! lol

5:40 PM  
Blogger Mohamed said...

Well, I for one thought that Lisa was real.. until I read this post!

Reese, I'll stop commenting now so that you don't think I'm a psycho stalker.

8:26 AM  

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