A Solemn Day

Today is my birthday.

I got a Coach bag from my friend Egypt. My Judge took me out to lunch. My friends called to tell me I was old.

And then I watched the Greatest Artist of All Time, Michael Jackson, be put to rest.

Sigh. Everyone always dies or has a funeral on freakin' July 7th.

But, that's okay. Life and death...It's just human nature.




R.I.P. MJ

Human Nature

Disclaimer: This is a tribute post. If you are a Negative Betty, please leave. No Negative Betty's! Thank you.



So, I guess Michael Jackson is the only person who could get me out of my three month writer’s block. Amazing.


I am a MJ fan. I always have been and I always will be. I never believed any of the allegations hurled against him. In fact, I always felt so badly for Mike because I believed that he was stuck in emotional development hell. He only ever had about five years of normalcy before being thrust into the sweat shop that was the Jackson 5. He spent his whole life in front of the world and no one cared enough about him as a person to guide him into becoming a fully functioning adult.


I genuinely felt pity for the man. And, I honestly felt like the scorn he received was like kicking a disabled person who was already lying helpless on the ground. Just not my scene and not how I operate.


So, yeah, when MJ died I thought to myself, “Self! You gotta write something! This huge! This is MJ! The only artist on your list of Artists You Must See Live, that you never got to see live…so write something!”


And, then, like everything else that’s worth writing about on this blog, nothing was written. Nothing flowed from my brain to my fingers to Vicky5 (or is it Vicky4…I’ve lost count of my Vicky’s). Literally, I went to write an MJ tribute and my brain farted loudly (which, by the way, is not pleasant at all) and made me go listen to “Human Nature” on my Creative Zen instead.


So, here it is, four days after Michael died. All his tributes have been written, and I got nothing on my blog, but an open letter to my ex-boyfriend. It’s like, really, what happened to my talent? Why can’t I write anything, anymore?


And then, this morning, on my way to pick up breakfast at the Sky Grille in my office, a random thought popped into my head:


“Huh…the first week without any MJ ever again. Music sure is going to suck forever now.”


Now, sure that seems like a totally innocuous statement. But, when I thought about all the other things I said and emotions I felt over the last few days, I realized that I had completed my Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief. What’s more is that I could even write about my Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief on my blog (now with more cynicism, sarcasm, and self-deprecation). Finally, I have something I can write about!


So I present to you (the negative 2 of you who still read this blog), Reese’s Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief.


Denial


Thursday, June 25, 2009. 7:30pm


Reese: “Yawn! That was a good nap. Time for So You Think You Can Dance!”

“What’s this? 18 messages! Geesh, who died? [Reese states this with sarcasm that today she feels total and complete guilt for]”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG, rumor that Michael Jackson had a heart attk!”

Reese [more cynicism]: “Yeah, right…”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG, rumor that Michael Jackson in a coma!!”

Reese: “Whatever!”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG! Rumor that Michael Jackson just died!!!
Jdksaljdsfkldsjdljdskljdsljdsl!!!111!!!!11111One!”

Reese: “Egypt is so gullible.”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “They just announced he’s dead…Channel 4 news.”

Reese: [silent]



TEXT Message from Egypt: “MJ Special on abc 2nite @ 9”

Reese [small voice]: …no way…





Anger


TEXT Message from Egypt (she sent this message twice): “MJ Special on abc 2nite @ 9”


Reese: …………



“SON OF A BITCH!!!!”





Bargaining (exactly 1 second after anger)



Reese: “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! DEAR LORD CAN’T YOU TAKE JOE JACKSON INSTEAD?!?!?”

“SERIOUSLY, I’LL GO GET HIM FOR YOU!!! IF YOU WANT ME TOO, I TOTALLY WILL!!!! SHOOT, I’LL TAKE OUT JANET! I’M STILL MAD AT THAT TRICK FOR CANCELLING HER TOUR DATE IN FT. LAUDERDALE!!”




Numbness


Reese [calls Toya]: “Toya…”

Toya [sniffling (she’s already at the “Depression” stage)]: “…yeah [sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “Toya…MJ is…dead…”

Toya: “Yeah, I know, I know…I called you…[sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “I was…taking a nap…”

Toya: “I’ve been crying since I heard.”

Reese: “Oh, man…this…how…this…”

Toya: “I know…[sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “You’re crying, but…I don’t feel anything…”

Toya: “It’ll hit you eventually [sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “No…I don’t know…maybe…”





Depression


CBS MJ Special


Ed Bradley: “Michael, is there anything that you would tell your fans, for those fans who have questions?”

Michael Jackson: “I would tell them, if they want to know me more to listen to the most autobiographical song I ever wrote…and that’s a song called “Childhood.”

[“Childhood” starts playing]

[“Before you judge me…Try hard to love me…”]


Michael Jackson: “And I would tell them that I love them very much. And that I never take any of their love for granted. Never.”

[“The painful youth, I’ve haaadddd…”]



Reese: …..


“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”


[Ugh, yes, tears and that weird sorta hyperventilating thing you do when you’re really upset…yeah…I’m lame]




Depression


Sit tight folks, we’re going to be here all weekend. Yeah!



Friday, June 26, 2009.


Reese: “Oh…I’m too devastated to function.”

[Reese spends a whole day not functioning due to devastation]




Saturday, June 27, 2009.

8am

Reese: “….”




10am

Reese: “…meh…”



Noon

Reese: “…gjkdlsdksldjskfdlsls…”



2pm

Reese: “…brain…attempting…to…conjure…thought…”



2:01pm

Reese: “OW!”

“Ohhhh, my brain hurts…”




2:02pm

Reese: “Advil, Advil, Advil, Advil, Advil…”



2:30pm

Reese: “Sigh.”




2:31pm

Reese: “…meh…”



4:00pm

Reese: “Well…I guess I should do something…where’s the ice cream?”




Anger


4:01pm

Reese: “THERE’S NO ICE CREAM?!?!?!





Bargaining


4:02pm

Reese: “Dear, Lord. I’ll give you Joe Jackson and RAISE you 5 bucks if you give back MJ and make some Ben & Jerry’s instantly appear here.”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Really?”




Depression

4:03pm


Reese [crying]: “THERE’S NO ICE CREAM!!!!”




Regret


Sunday, June 28, 2009

11am


Reese: “Awww…No Doubt, check. Alanis Morissette, check. Teena Marie, check. Janet Jackson, check. But, I never got to check off MJ. I never got to see him live in concert.”

Maria [laughing]: “Oh, girl…like you would have ever gotten tickets to an MJ show.”





Anger


11:01am

Reese: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN TICKETS?!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!? I AM THE TICKETMASTER!! I GET TICKETS TO EVERYTHING!!!”

Maria: “Okay, okay, calm down…”

Reese: “NO YOU CALM DOWN!! DON’T INSULT MY TICKETMASTERY SKILLS!! THEY ARE SUPERB!!! WHO ELSE DO YOU KNOW GETS TICKETS TO THREE OLYMPICS AND FRONT-ROW SEATS TO NO DOUBT, JANET JACKSON, AND TEENA MARIE, HMMMMM??”

Maria: “Umm…no one…”

Reese: “THAT’S RIGHT!! PFSSHHH!! TELL ME I CAN’T GET MJ TICKETS…I CAN GET MJ TICKETS…”

Maria: [silent]

Reese [muttering under her breath]: “…can’t get MJ tickets…ME…seriously!...unbelievable…”

Maria: “Are you done now?”

Reese: “…yeah, I guess, so…”




11:10pm


Maria: “Seriously, what’s with all the anger?”

Reese: “I don’t know.”



Acceptance


8:00am

Reese: “Huh…the first week without any MJ ever again. Music sure is going to suck forever now.”


“Sigh. I guess I better get used to chart topping hits by such greats as Soldier Boy Tell ‘Em. Gah!”




Bargaining


8:01am

Reese: “Dear Lord, I’ll give you Soldier Boy Tell ‘Em in exchange for Mike. Please?!?”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Really?”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Sigh. Dang, that’s messed up. Really is gone for good, huh?”

God: [gives Reese a sympathetic nod]

Reese: “Dang.”







© Copyright 2009. All Rights Reserved.

An Open Letter to March Madness

Dear March Madness,




I hate you.




I hate you and we’re breaking up forever.


Why are we breaking up, you ask? Well, simply put, you have been a horrible boyfriend to me over the years and I just can’t take your passive aggressive nature anymore.

Every year you totally screw me over! Oh, yeah, you’re great at wooing me with empty promises of adventure and excitement. But, every year, without fail, except for when Maryland won the National Championship, you break my heart. And, I’ve decided that I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough of listening to sports announcers praise the “intelligent” and “respectful” play of Duke while the same Duke players kick their opposition in the balls and step on their stomachs without getting called for flagrant fouls (see Christian “I Hate that Bastard” Laetner).

I’ve had enough of you making me fall in love with cute, charismatic freshmen who go on to make national championship crushing time-outs. I’ve had enough of teams who you PROMISE are going to win the big dance, but instead get kicked out of the dance during the Sweet Sixteen or the Elite Eight.

I stuck with you through all those years when you became enamored with those stupid sideline ho’s mid-majors who never did nothing for nobody. You know I don’t care who wins between Butler and Southern Illinois! What the hell is a Saluki anyways?!?

Yeah, yeah, so you have given me little leaps for joy over the years. You made Dookies cry sometimes and you banned mid-majors from the tournament this year; but, so what? What does it matter when you’re irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior can’t even get me to win my own tournament challenge?!?


If you really cared, you’d stand beside me and not let the Canadians kick me in the butt every, single, stinking year in the SD Bracket Challenge! But, nooooo!!! You just abuse me emotionally every year! You tell me you love me, but you really don’t. You don’t love me! You only love yourself!!


So, I’ve had it! I mean it this time! I’m not coming back to you.

Don’t call me asking me if I want to go to the Final Four next year (YES, I WANT TO GO!!!). Don’t come around next March promising me that Pitt is, YET AGAIN, the sure fire way to the SD Bracket Challenge Championship.


Forget my phone number.


Forget where I live.


If you come knocking, I will NOT turn on CBS and let you in.



No more! We are done!


We are SO DONE!


WE ARE FINISHED!!!



Sincerely,


Reese the Law Girl


PS: Call me…you know, if you just want to be friends…we can still hang out sometimes…you know, if you want…


[Reese whispers] I love you. xoxo


Reese + March Madness = Love Forever!

Update: SD Bracket Challenge!!

Whoops! There's a broken link in the Bracket Challenge post below. I already corrected it, but for those who only read the subscriber e-mails, you can access ESPN's Tournament Challenge page here.

SD Bracket Challenge! Join Now 'Cause I Says So!!

IT’S MARCH MADNESS!!!!

MARCH MADNESS!!!!

MARCH!!!!!!!

MADNESS!!!!

Look, I know I’ve been slacking on the blog, but I’ve been tired and not feeling any inspiration. But, just because I haven’t been around doesn’t mean that you should take your lack of apathy out on March Madness! What did March Madness ever do to you?!?

Now, I’m switching things up this year. We’re moving the SD Bracket Challenge from CNN/Sports Illustrated to ESPN. So, you will have to register on ESPN to join. The instructions on how to join are below.

Please don't think you have to have any basketball knowledge to play. Most of the time the people who win these things pick teams based on colors or school names (CC won a challenge one year just because she liked saying "Connecticut" over and over again). So please join, play, and trash talk (On ESPN we can have group conversations (on the lower right hand side of the group page). So we must trash talk! In fact, this year I will give an award to the Best Trash Talker. So you know…start…talking…trash or whatever!).

Okay, so follow the directions below. Do it! Do it! The more people we have the more fun!

PS: You only have until the early morning hours of Thursday, March 19^th to pick your teams so hurry! Don’t start an entry and then fill out the brackets later. You’ll forget, trust me. Sign up and pick your bracket now (and pick a creative Team Name). You can always change your picks later.

Directions:

1) Go here. If you don’t have an ESPN account you have to register.

2) Once you register, you may have to go back to the front page of the ESPN tourney challenge (click the link in step one). Basically, you want your browser to look something like THIS.

3) From the front page you can create an entry and also join the SD Bracket Challenge. To join the SD Bracket Challenge, just click “Join a Group” find “SD Bracket Challenge” and then enter the password: lawgirl.

It’s as simple as that!

So get going. Do it now! Now!! Reese commands you!

It's March!!! IT'S MARCH!!!!

First of all, this is for Strength/Courage/Wisdom. I know she'll get a kick out of it...

Second of all, I haven't written much of anything in a month, because I literally have nothing. Or at least, I have nothing that's safe to publish. Don't ask, I won't post it.

Next, as Dez reminded me on Facebook and in the comment section, it is in fact March. And you all know what that means....

...it means...something...sort of important...

Okay, look I can't get excited at this very moment about March Madness because I just got my Invisalign braces and I'm in excruciating pain a tad bit uncomfortable. I will say that I watched Morehead State and Northern Iowa punch their tickets to the Big Dance this weekend and the games were great and I got really excited for March Madness. But, that was before I put in my second Invisalign tray on account of the first tray feeling too comfortable; and, of course, all painful tooth hell broke loose due to my genius dentistry improvisation.

Anyways, I don’t feel like talking about this anymore. I’m hopped up on drugs and my mouth is sore. So, this post is just a reminder that the SD Bracket Challenge will start next Sunday and you all better be prepared for a beat down…

That is if my teeth are up to it.

Oh my precious teefs (now that I have braces, I can't say the word "teeth").

Lazy is as Lazy Does

I'm not going to bore you with the details.

I'm lazy.

Please, forgive me.

Here are 46 of the 300 pictures I took of my trip to China. Enjoy! :)


2008 Summer Olympics Pictures