Thursday, November 30, 2006

Do You Know What Today Is?




Well, today is the two year anniversary of Something Different.



Whoopie!!



Did someone make me a cake? Someone should have at least made me a cake?



Okay, fine I don’t need a cake. I’ll go treat myself today for having a blog for two whole years and actually posting new, but bad material on a semi-consistent basis.


Actually, for the last few weeks I’ve been treating myself to lot’s of bad food. So, I don’t think I’ll do anymore treating.



Hmmm…let’s see…



Ummm, oh, I know! I will reflect on how I have changed over the last two years…


Well…I haven’t grown more compassionate, although I do care more about certain issues than I used too. Ummm…


Oh, oh! I now live in Miami.


Gosh, that’s weak. You mean the only thing that’s changed about me is my address? That’s so weak!


Eh, but it’s all I got.


So, ummm…





Happy Anniversary to me and SD!!








Here's an old picture I found of me with glasses. I don't know why I put it in this post. I just felt like being weird. ;p~~~

Monday, November 27, 2006

LL, LL! Where Fore Art Thou, LL?




Oh my god!

I heard this song on the radio this evening. I suddenly felt all soft and squishy inside when I heard it.

Why wasn’t I eighteen when this song came out so I could have a boyfriend who would rap or at least lip-synch this song to me? Oh my god! If a boy had rapped this song to me it would have been all over!



Boy: “Romance sheer delight how sweet.
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete.
You can scratch my back, well get cozy and huddle.
I’ll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle…”

Reese: “OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU!! WHAT DO YOU WANT? MONEY, JEWELRY, MY KIDNEY?!? YOU CAN HAVE IT!!”

Boy: “But, I haven’t even got to the chorus…”

Reese: “I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING!!!!!”



Arghh!!! It’s so frustrating! Guys don’t talk like this anymore. Everything’s all about bitches and ho’s and ode’s to big booties!

You stupid boys! If you knew anything you would know that girls are suckers for this stupid cheezy stuff!


That’s it! I’ve had it. I’m going back in time. I’m going to steal a just legal LL Cool J and marry him.


If you need me I’ll be back in 1986.





© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Racism in the Justice System

This is actually Lisa’s story. Remember “Lisa?” Assistant District Attorney in Georgia and crazy girl who has odd tastes in men and even odder ideas about effective relationships?


Oh, just go click her name over at the sidebar if you don’t remember.


Now, some background information: In the state of Georgia, sheriffs have control of their prisons. So, if they are taking a prisoner from another county, they have the right to send said prisoner back to the county of origin if they don’t want the prisoner anymore. Like because the prisoner is causing too much trouble or something.


Did that make sense?


I hope so, or you’re totally not going to get this story.


Enjoy it for what it's worth.



PS: Everyone in this story speaks with a southern accent. You need to know this so you get the whole effect.




Sherriff John: “Hey, Lisa. Did I ever tell you what happened a while back when I had to transport some prisoners to this new prison in Dade County, Georgia?”

Lisa: “No, you didn’t tell me.”

Sherriff John: “Oh, yeah, well see a while back I was transferring some prisoners to Dade County. It was just me and Deputies Smith and Wesson. We were transporting about 20 prisoners, most of them black. They were all handcuffed, but we didn’t have them in ankle chains or anything, because these guys weren’t especially violent. Well, except we were transporting Willy Jenkins…”

Lisa: “THE Willy Jenkins?”

Sherriff John: “Yup, ma’am. THE Willy Jenkins.”

Lisa: “Oh, this is gonna be good!”

Sherriff John: “Alright, now pay attention ‘cause you ain’t heard nothing yet.”

“So, like I was saying a while back we was transferring the prisoners to Dade County…”





A While Back…





Deputy Smith: “Sherriff John…we’re here.”

Sherriff John: “Alright everyone just sit tight. Let me go get Sherriff Duke (Dade County Sherriff) and we’ll get ya’ll all situated in your new cells soon enough.”



Sherriff John: “So, I tell one of the Dade County deputies that we’re here to drop off some prisoners and to let Sherriff Duke know we’re here. I’m waiting on the bus, you know, waiting for Sherriff Duke to sign the paperwork and take the prisoners. Yeah, so he finally shows up. He walks right up onto the bus and says…”




Sherriff Duke: “Wooo-weee, boy! If I had known you were bringin’ all these n*gg*rs here I would have put up a rope and a noose!”




Lisa: “WHAT THE F----!?!?”

Sherriff John: “Yes, ma’am he said that! Right in front of the prisoners and everything.”

Lisa: “And what did you say?”

Sherriff John: “Well, I was shocked. I even thought I didn’t hear Sherriff Duke properly. So, I says…”




Sherriff John: “Ummm…what…excuse me, but…uhhh…what did you just say?”

Sherriff Duke [clears throat and starts talking slowly]:

“IIIIII….SAIIIDDDDD…IFFFFF….IIIIIII….HADDDDD….KNOWWWNNNN…THATTTT…YA’LLLL WEREEEE….BRINNNGGGINNNGGG….ALLLLL….THEEEESSSEEE N*GGG*RRRSSS….HEEERRRREEEE…..IIIIIIIII….WOUUUULLLLDDDD…HAAAAAVVVEEEE PUUUUTTTTT…UPPPPPPP…AAAAAAA…ROOOPPPPEEEEE…ANNNNDDDDD…AAAAAAA…NOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEE.”


“Gee-weee, boy, you retarded or somethin’?”


Sheriff John: “Ummm…”

Sheriff Duke: “Alright, now, I’ll sign for these boys this time. Get ‘dem ready to head on out.”




Lisa: “You didn’t actually hand over those prisoners to that Sherriff?”

Sherriff John: “What was I supposed to do? We had orders to send them to the prison in Dade County. Of course, explaining this to the prisoners was not so easy…”




Prisoner #1: “I ain’t getting off this bus!”

Prisoner #2: “You a crazy whitey if you think we getting’ off this bus!”

Sheriff John: “Now look fellas, I understand…”

Prisoner #3: “Cracka you is crazy!!! We ain’t getting off this bus!!!!”

Sherriff John: “If I could turn back around and put you back in my jail, I would. But the transfer is complete. You’re Sherriff Duke’s prisoners now. So, if you’ll just get up in an orderly fashion…”

Willy Jenkins: “THE MINUTE I GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO SHERRIFF DUKE I’M GONNA KICK HIS ASS!!!!!”

Sheriff John: “Now, Willy…”

Willy Jenkins: “I’M GONNA KICK HIS MOTHER-F*&%$#@ ASS!!!”

Sherriff John: “Willy, please…”

Willy Jenkins: “THE SECOND I GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO HIM, HIS ASS IS GRASS!!!”

Sherriff John: “Willy, I understand how you feel…”

Willy Jenkins: “GRASSSSS!!!!!”






Lisa: “Oh my god! So what did you do? Were you able to actually get them off the bus?”

Sherriff John: “Well, it was really difficult. And, it was only me and Deputies Smith and Wesson on the bus. We thought it was going to be riot and we were going to have to start tazering people. But, through the lord god almighty, I was finally able to convince the prisoners that they had to leave the bus.”





Sherriff John: “Alright, Sherriff Duke. We’re ready for you.”

Sherriff Duke: “Woooo-weeee, Suuuzzzyyy Q! I mean, you ain’t even got these n*ggr*sss chained up properly and hog-tied…”

Sherriff John [whispers to Sherriff Duke]: “Sherriff Duke, if you would just not say anything…”

Sherriff Duke: “What you say, boy?!?”

Sherriff John: “Sherriff, we don’t want to get the prisoners riled up, you know?”

Sherriff Duke: “Well, that’s what I got the n*gg*r killer for…”

[Sheriff Duke points to his gun]


Sherriff Duke [stroking his gun]: “I calls her Bessie!”

Sherriff John: “Oh, dear god...please let me live through this. Please…”




Lisa: “Wow, Sherriff. That was a crazy story!”

“Really, I didn’t realize you’ve been in law enforcement for so long. I mean that you’ve had to deal with people who were so blatantly racist and crazy. That’s so horrible.”


Sherriff John: “Lisa, what are you talking about? This just happened back in 1996.”

Lisa: “WHAT?!?!”

Sherriff John: “Yeah, and the story doesn’t end there…”

“The very next day, I get to my office. It must have been 8 o’clock in the morning. Anyways, I get a phone call. It’s from Sherriff Duke…”




Sherriff Duke: “Woooo-wweeeee boy you better come get yo’ ass down here to Dade County right now!!!”

Sherriff John: “What? What is it Sherriff Duke?”

Sherriff Duke: “That n*gg*r Willy Jenkins done beat my ASS!!!!”

Sherriff John: “What?”

Sherriff Duke: “Prisoner Willy Jenkins! We was putting the prisoners in their cells and I was directing that n*gg*r where to go and as soon as he got close to me he started beating my ASS!!!”

Sherriff John [trying to hold in the laughter]: “Ummm…*snicker*…wow…that’s…*snicker*…horrible.”

Sherriff Duke: “You dang right that’s horrible!! I mean that boy really beat my ASS! I’m missing teeth and everything right now!”

Sherriff John: “I’m so sorry…”

Sherriff Duke: “He beat me down and kept saying, “YO ASS IS GRASSSS!!! YO ASS IS GRASS!!!”

Sherriff John: “Oh…hahaha…I mean…ummm…how unfortunate…”

Sherriff Duke: “Now you look here, you come get this boy! You come get him now! I can’t have prisoners beating my ASS!!! I rescind the transfer, you here me?!?!”

Sherriff John: “Yes, Sherriff. I’ll send some deputies to come pick up Willy.”

Sherriff Duke: “Woooo-weeeee, I can’t believe this mess!!! I mean he really beat my ASS!”

Sherriff John: “Yes, I understand Sherriff.”

Sherriff Duke: “I didn’t even get a chance to use Bessie!”

Sherriff John: “Hehehe…yeah, that’s…too bad about Bessie…”

Sherriff Duke: “COME GET THIS BOY NOW!!!”



Lisa: “AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Sherriff John: “Yeah, that’s some funny stuff, huh?”

Lisa: “Totally is!”

Sherriff John: “Yup.”

Lisa: “But there’s one thing I don’t get. Didn’t Sherriff Duke know that Willy Jenkins had made threats against him on the bus?”

Sherriff John: “Nah, he didn’t know.”

Lisa: “You mean you didn’t tell him that Willy had threatened him?!?! But, you’re always supposed to tell other law enforcement when a prisoner makes a threat!”

Sherriff John: “As far as I’m concerned…sometimes people gotta do what they gotta do. Sure, Willy made a threat. But who am I to go warning other people about stuff. I’m nobody [wink, wink].”

Lisa: “Yeah, I got you Sherriff. I got you.”

“So, what did Willy say when the Deputies picked him up.”


Sherriff John: “Oh, Willy. He only had one thing to say…”






Willy Jenkins: “I told you his ass was grass.”







© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Casualties of Blogger

Jerk of all Trades was here
but now he's gone
His last few words were
"Pary On!"

Those who knew him
knew him well
And those who didn't
can go to he!!.


--Reese circa 8th Grade

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Song of the Year?



I'm having a hard time picking out which song is going to be the Song of the Year for 2006. It's not that I don't have a lot of songs- that's just the problem. I have too many songs on the list. In fact, I've started taking some songs off the list because the list was getting too long.

Anyways, one of the quandaries I'm in is whether to include songs that came out this year, but were not officially released. For example, I'm in LOVE with this song right now. It's from Beyonce (shut up, I can't help it that she sings this song!) and it's called Upgrade U. Seriously, right now I'm in my office dancing. That's how much I love this song.

Anyhoo, it hasn't been officially released by Beyonce, yet I love it a lot and I heard it this year. So, can a song be contender for Song of the Year if it hasn't been officially released yet? Let me know what you think.

Oh, and please, for the love of God, stop booty popping to this song. You're just embarrassing yourself.


--Reese