Wednesday, July 27, 2005

You Think You Know Me, But You Have No Idea

So, I stole this from Jerk. See if you can figure out how well you know Reese the Law Girl! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Evicting Halle

Well, after much discussion with various sources, I have decided to change my profile picture. Again.

Look, the fact of the matter is that I have a big head. I come from a family of big headed people, and so there's nothing I can do about it. Thus, in order to come to terms with my big head, I am putting back up the profile picture of me that illustrates just how big my head is.

Yes, I'm sure that many people will click on the picture and wonder to themselves, "How does a girl get such a ginormous head?" But, that's okay. There's absolutely nothing I can do about my big head. So, all of us, including myself, will just have live with my big-headedness.

It's better this way, really. I mean the alternative is all of us staring at the world's most beautiful woman, Halle Berry. And, really, who wants to stare at Halle Berry all day?


Well, I guess guys would...


And, lesbians...


And, people who are getting plastic surgery to look like Halle Berry...


And, girls who dream about being Halle Berry...


So, okay, I guess the whole world wants to stare at Halle. But, I don't. So, I'm giving the gorgeous one her walking papers. You will see no more Halle Berry on my profile page.


Well, at least until I get sick of my big head. Then, her picture will probably reappear in my effort to make everyone feel bad about themselves.


Yes, I know. I give way to much.


So, please, enjoy my big headed picture while it lasts. Who knows how long it will actually stay.

Monday, July 11, 2005

How I've Changed in 10 Years: Embracing Neo-Apathy

With the impending crisis known as the “10 Year High School Reunion” rapidly encroaching on my personal happiness, I’ve been in a perpetual state of evaluation. I’ve been evaluating my life to date and wondering exactly who or what I am right now. I’ve discovered that what I am right now is not what I used to be.

As you may have already realized from the latest Tales From the Childhood (plug, plug, plug), I actually used to care about stuff. Heavy stuff, like equality and justice. But, I’ve recently realized that while I “technically” still believe in those things, I don’t really care about them. Which also means that I don’t care about people who don’t believe in those things. Which also leads to me not caring about people, in general.

Take racism, for example. Ten years ago, when a classmate told me that 90% of all prisoners were Black, I responded like this…


Reese: KRISSY, YOU IGNORANT, RACIST COW!!! IF 90% OF PRISONERS WERE BLACK, I WOULD BE IN PRISON. WHAT KIND OF STUPID THINKING LEADS AN IMBECILE TO BELIEVE THAT 12% OF THE POPULATION MAKES UP 90% OF THE PRISONERS?!?! YOU STUPID MORON OF AN HONORS STUDENT!!! YOUR PARENTS SHOULD BE ASHAMED TO HAVE SPAWNED YOU!! THIS SCHOOL SYSTEM SHOULD BE ASHAMED TO GRADUATE YOU!! GOD SHOULD…”


And so on, and so forth.


But, today is a little different. Today I wouldn’t care not only to convince the person that they’re wrong. I also wouldn’t care to make them feel bad about what they believed. Say the same prisoners/Black statement to me now, and you would get this response…


Reese: “Well, for that to be true, I would’ve had to have done jail time. I did go to law school, and law school is a form of prison, so I guess you’re right.”


Do you see the difference? One response is filled with hate and condemnation. A true sign of caring if there ever was one. The other response is pleasing only to my ears. I would respond in such a manner, so I could laugh to myself (or out loud, I don’t really care). My goal would no longer be to teach, but to just amuse myself through people’s stupidity and my own heavily loaded sarcastic responses in return. Generally, this should be a good thing; but, I don’t think it really is.

What happens when I really should care about something, but I don’t? What then? For example, this great nation of ours is heading down an uncertain path. Shouldn’t I want to fight the good fight and help turn things around?


Nah, sorry. Not interested. I prefer to run away to another country. I was thinking London, but they just got bombed the heck up. So, now I’m thinking Antarctica.


And what about that craazzy woman who sent me hate mail (by the way, I will now be referring to said craazzy woman as “Halle Berry”)? Did you actually read the subject line of that e-mail she sent me? “Halle” wrote, “Haters Die Soon.” What if she’s a psycho stalker? Maybe, I should be more careful? Maybe, I should hold that tongue of mine?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Yea, right! Like I really even care to do such a thing! Where’s the fun in biting your tongue?


But, what happens if one day, I get so apathetic that Orlando Bloom asks me out and I don’t care to say “yes?”


Whoa.


Now, I’m scared.


And, also confused.

Is it possible that I now care about not caring? What the freak is that?!? Like some sort of weird neo-apathy? Am I neo-apathetic? Is there such a thing? And, if there is, how did I get like this?


Was it due to four years of trying to teach rich, White kids what it was like to be Black in America and failing miserably in my quest?


Or did it start when I was interning at that prestigious research hospital and I was told by the Chief of Staff that I cared too much about patients to become a doctor?


Or maybe it was the disease known as law school? Did law school do this to me? Will I ever recover from law school?!?


Geez, man!! I tell you caring about not caring is kind of a trippy pain. It’s very troublesome.

You know, the title of this piece is, in part, called “Embracing Neo-Apathy.” Maybe, I should take a cue from my own title and do just that?



Besides, I really don’t care to think about this anymore.



© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Hate Mail

Oh, my god, you guys!!!


I just got my first piece of hate mail!!



Hehehehe!!!



I'm so happy!!!


I feel like I'm a true blue, stuff startin' blogger now!


I love hate mail so much. Seriously.


Hate mail has got to be one of the greatest joys out of life!! It's the only time when you can really laugh at someone and the stupid, mean things they say about you without getting upset. Hate mail is truly awesome!!!


Okay, so, the following hate mail is in response to that post I wrote way back in November 2004 entitled, "Why I Hate Halle Berry"


Someone is mighty upset with Reese the Law Girl. I really didn't know I was such a stinker. Also, apparently, I'm a college dropout. Who knew?!?!

----------------------------------



From : Vnss1294
Sent : Wednesday, July 6, 2005 8:37 PM
To : somethingdifferentnow@hotmail.com
Subject : "Haters Die Soon"

I read your little thing on how much you hate Halle Berry. You are sick you
know that you had on people that are better than you. If you had half the will
that halle Berry has you could be where she is. I am 16- years old. I lie
about my age so I can keep my job at the factory. I work 3:30 pm to 4:30 am. My parents ran out on me and my 4 siblings. I'm trying to save up for College
and you are a Dumb ass for dropping out. I had a chance to talk to Halle Berry
after her father abused her, her mother and her older sister. And Wesly Snipes
hitting her so hard that she became deaf in one Ear. Sweet Heart you are Going
to found a lot of people who are prettier and Richer than you.

You need to make Room to Hate me Honey because I don't work this hard to be
poor.

Holla!!!!!!

---------------------------------------


Wow.


ROTFL!!!!!


That just made my day. ;)

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Ask the Tooth, and the Tooth Shall Set You Free

On today, the day of my crappy birthday, my body has bestowed upon me a gift. A gift to see into the future…


I’m serious.


You see a couple of days ago, my wisdom tooth on my right lower jaw imploded. It then created what seems to be a mini-universe which has destroyed the space-time continuum. As a result, I have been “blessed” with the ability to see into the future via very strange dreams.


First, I had a dream where I was skinny.

That was the best dream.


Then, I had a dream where I was wealthy.

That was almost as good as the dream where I was skinny.


But, the most detailed dream involved my friend, LQ.

I dreamt that LQ was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby. And, she was getting married. At first she was four months pregnant, and then a minute later she was six months pregnant.

When LQ was six months pregnant, she and her boyfriend were getting married. It was like an African themed wedding, so LQ and Tim had on African clothing. Green and gold colored outfits for some reason. And, LQ had on a green and gold head wrap. And, her stomach was all big because she was preggars.

For some reason, all of the guests had to sit on the floor, while Tim and LQ sat in these really big, ugly, wicker chairs. I was sitting next to “Lisa” and Toya De, and I just remember looking around like, “What the heck is going on?”

Anyways, I’m so sure that this dream was actually a future premonition. Of all of my friends, LQ would be the last to get married. Thus, for me to have a dream that she was getting married and having babies, it has to be true right?

I tried to warn LQ last night about the dream, but she was too busy making a lot of money for the devil. I guess she’ll just have to read it here.


So, on this the day of my crappy birthday, I am giving you guys the opportunity to ask the tooth a question. It just may be that I will have a dream that answers your question. We’ll see. Ask the tooth, and we’ll see if it sets you free.



© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

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In case you don't believe me....










Your Birthdate: July 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways.

Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning.

You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches.