Monday, May 28, 2007

Reese Gets a New Car: Part 1

Reese: “Look, Dodge…we need to talk.”

Dodge: “Talk? Talk about what?”

Reese: “Look, I’m going to be 30 in two months. It’s time for me to get an upgrade.”

Dodge: “Upgrade? Upgrade what?”

Reese: “My car.”

Dodge: “Your car?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Dodge: “That would be me?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Dodge: “Oh, I see…”

Reese: “Look, Dodge, I don’t want this to be difficult…”

Dodge: “So, you’re just going to get rid of me?”

Reese: “It’s just that I’m really sick of your passive-aggressiveness.”

Dodge: “PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS?!? I’M NOT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE!”

Reese: “Dodge, you are so passive-aggressive! You cut out on me for no reason and I have to get you towed…”

Dodge: “IT’S YOUR FAULT!! YOU DIDN’T GET ME A NEW TIMING BELT AT 75,000 MILES!!”

Reese: “And then I go get you a timing belt and you work fine. And just when I think everything is cool you dump the whole exhaust system!”

Dodge: “What was I supposed to do?!? You think I didn’t see you looking at that Scion Xa?!? I SAW YOU LOOKING AT THAT SCION Xa!!!”

Reese: “Oh my god, Dodge! You’re so jealous!!! So what if I was looking at a Scion Xa?”

Dodge: “You don’t appreciate me! You don’t love me like you used to!”

Reese: “Okay, Dodge. Let's not point fingers. We're both at fault...”

Dodge: “No, you're at fault! You’re such a heartless witch! You only care about yourself!!”

Reese: “Dodge, let's not do this...”

Dodge: “LET'S NOT DO "THIS?" WHAT IS "THIS?"

Reese: "Dodge..."

Dodge: "I GOT YOU WHERE YOU ARE, SWEETHEART!! I GOT YOU THROUGH LAW SCHOOL IN OHIO! I MOVED YOU BACK TO MARYLAND!”

Reese: “Dodge…”

Dodge: "I GOT YOU DOWN HERE TO FLORIDA WHERE I BAKED IN THIS HOT SUN! YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE ME!!"

Reese: "Dodge..."

Dodge: “AND I AM TELLLLLINNNNG YOU…I’M NOT GOING!”

Reese: “Oh, lord…”

Dodge: “YOU’RE THE BEST OWNER I’VE EVER KNOWN, AND THERE’S NO WAY I WILL EVER GOOOO…”

Reese: [heavy sigh]

Dodge: “NO, NO THERE’S NO WAY! NO, NO, NO, NO WAY I’M LIVING WITHOUT YOU! I’M NOT LIVING WITHOUT YOU, NOT LIVING WITHOUT YOU. I DON’T WANT TO BE FREEEEEE!”

Reese: “Dodge, please…”

Dodge: “I’M STAYYYYYYINNNNNG! I’M STAYYYYYINNNNNG! AND YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU, YOU’RE GONNA LOVE---”

Reese [ejects Dreamgirls CD]: “Dodge, it’s too late. I already have financing.”

Dodge: “What?”

Reese: “It’s over.”

Dodge: “It’s not over! I SAY WHEN IT’S OVER!!”

Reese: “Dodge, this is ridiculous.”

Dodge: “I’LL GET EVEN REESE!!! YOU’LL SEEE!!! YOU WILL SEEEEE!!!! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!”

Reese: “Whatever.”

Dodge: “Whatever, indeed!! You will pay, Reese the Law Girl. YOU WILLLLLL PAYYYYYYY!!!!”



[To be continued]





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Friday, May 18, 2007

Year of the 30: May

Woe is me! Woe is me!

I'm so depressed that I can't even write and I have SO much to write about!

Eh...I'll be back later. Sometime next week...


Ohhhh, woe is me!!!!!!