Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Best Song/Video Ever Created!!

The awesomely, awesome Michelle Collins of Best Week Ever posted the old 80’s music video (remember those?) for “The Rain” by Oran “Juice” Jones yesterday. The song is about a guy who catches his girlfriend cheating on him in the rain or something or other. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter what the song is about. What matters is the awesome video and the awesome lyrics that make this musical experience totally awesome! (yes, I am in full 80’s lingo mode)

As many of the BWE readers pointed out in the comments section, there’s so much greatness tied to this musical experience that you don’t even know where to start. Well, because I’m bored at work, and because I love “The Rain” so much, I decided to meticulously list, one by one, everything that makes this song and video truly outrageous! I encourage you to adopt any and all quotes as your new e-mail siggies!

Things that Make “The Rain” Gag Me with a Spoon, Delicious!

1. Pleather, rain slicked, coats

2. Oran “Juice” Jones = Poor Man’s Eddie Murphy Look-a-like

3. Uncoordinated butlers lip synching in front of a liquor store

4. “And him… And him…”

5. Dancing in the middle of the street, in the middle of nowhere in a silver, Miami Vice suit

6. Silver, Miami Vice suits

7. Stalker-like tendencies

8. Cheating women completely unaware that they’re being followed by their boyfriend even when their boyfriend is standing right next to them.

9. “And him… And him…”

10. Floating hands somehow breaking through the dimensional, space time-continuum.

11. “Close your mouth ‘cause you’re cold busted!”

12. “My first impulse was to run up on you-do a Rambo. I was about to jam you and flat bust both of you!”

13. “I didn’t want to mess up this thirty-seven hundred dollar lynx coat!”

14. Unbuttoning your cuffs in preparation of bitch slapping your girl…

15. ...and the unfulfilled pleasure of never getting to that point.

16. Instantly turning your ex into a 13 year old runaway/prostitute/crackhead

17. “I gave you things you couldn’t even pronounce!”

18. Blue, bubble letter, alphabet wall paper

19. “You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat-wearing...

20. ...punch-bucket-shoe-wearing...

21. ...crumbcake I saw you with. Cause you dismissed!"

22. "That's right, silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don't you know that."

23. "You without me is like corn flakes without the milk! This is my world."

24. "You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut! Now get on outta here. Scat!"

25. "Don't touch that coat!”

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Amazing Race

Remember our friendly African-American Assistant District Attorney, Lisa? Well the following is something that Lisa told me happened to her the other day. I thought it was hilariously funny so I thought I would share.

A Super-Duper Deluxe Kmart Somewhere in Georgia…

Lisa: [looking around in the book section]

Random Kmart Employee [who happens to be white- yes, this fact you need to know]: “Can I help you find something Miss?”

Lisa: “Yeah, I’m looking for the book by Stephen Colbert. It’s called I Am America and So Can You!.”

Random Employee: “Hmmm…that doesn’t ring a bell. Let’s see…”

[Random Employee looks for the book on various shelves]

Random Employee: “Oh, here it is!”

Lisa: “Oh, you found it?”

Random Employee: “Yes, here you go.”

[Random Employee hands Lisa the book]

Lisa [looks at the book shocked]: “Ummm…”

Random Employee: “Yeah, when you said the title I couldn’t quite place it, but when I saw the book I knew this was the one YOU wanted.”

Lisa: “Ummmm…”

Random Employee: “Yup, I knew YOU wanted this book…”

The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama.”

Lisa: “Uhhh…”

Random Employee: “You know you should really wait to buy it next week when it comes out in trade paperback. You’ll save a lot more money.”

Lisa: [silent]

Random Employee: “Is there anything else you need? I mean, do you need something further on Barack Obama?”

Lisa: “Ummm…no…ummm…I’m good…”

Random Employee: “Okay, well thanks for shopping at Kmart.”

Lisa: [walks away slowly]

Random Employee: “Come back soon!”

OMG! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I’m sorry, but I laughed so hard when I first heard this. As Lisa said, when the very words that come out of your mouth are completely changed solely to fit a generalization of what a person thinks another person of a certain race/ethnicity is interested in reading, well there’s no hope for race relation progression in the U.S.

Who knew that Stephen Colbert, I am America and So Can You! translated so easily into Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope?

So sad. Yet, really…so funny!

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