Monday, May 02, 2005

Tales From the Childhood: The Football Game

Winter, 1994.

Senior Year of High School.

Inside Eliza’s BMW…

Eliza: “Man, our football team sucks!”

Reese: “Yea, but it’s still fun to go to football games.”

Lez: “Yea, so are we going to Friendly’s or what?”

Eliza: “Yea, but…wait…hold on a sec…”

Lez: “What?”

Eliza [staring at the old Chevy in the next lane]: “What’s this guy doing?”

Reese: “Oh, man, I know him. We worked together this summer. His name is Chad. He’s a junior. I think he’s revving up his engine, Eliza.”

Eliza: “What…does he…does he want to RACE?!?!”

Reese: “OH MY GOD!!! He wants to race you!! DO IT, ELIZA!!”

Lez: “You know, I don’t think…”

Eliza: “Is he CRAZY!?!? This is a BMW!!”

Reese: “DO IT, ELIZA!!”

Lez: “Eliza, don’t listen to…”

Reese: “DO IT, ELIZA!!!”

Eliza: “HE MUST BE NUTS!! DOES HE KNOW WHAT THIS CAR CAN DO?!?!”

Lez: “No, please don’t…”

Reese: “DO IT, ELIZA!! DO IT!!”

Lez: “ELIZA, no…”

Eliza: “HE IS CRAZY!! When this light turns green, I’m going to burn rubber down his @$$!!”

Reese: “Hahahaha!! Chad, you are so dead!”

Lez: “Oh, god…”

Light turns green.

Tires go screeching…


Lez: “Oh, nooooo….”

Reese: “Hahahahahahahaha!!!”

Eliza: “MAN YOU CAN’T BEAT NO *%$#@^* BMW!!!”

Reese: “Geez, Eliza! You smoked him! I can’t even see him anymore!”

Eliza: “THAT’S RIGHT! CAN’T NOBODY TOUCH ME IN MY BEAMER!!”

Cue sirens…


Police Cruiser: “Wewa-wewa-wewa-wewa…”

Lez: “Oh, god…”

Eliza: “What? What did I do?”

Reese: “Uh-oh…”


Eliza pulls over. As the girls wait for Mr. Policeman to come to the door, Eliza remembers something very important…

Eliza: “Oh, [bleep]!!”

Lez: “What?”

Eliza: “My license!! Lanna altered it when we went to Tracks last night. The laminate with the fake birthday is still on it!!”

Lez: “WELL, TAKE IT OFF!!!”

Eliza: “I’M TRYING!! IT WON’T COME OFF! IT WON’T COME OFF!!!!”

Reese: “Oh, my god!”

Cop [tapping on window]: “Can you roll your window down please?”

Eliza [who by the grace of God Almighty, is able to get the laminate off of her driver’s license]: “Hahaha…what seems to be the problem…ummm…officer?”

Cop: “Do you realize that the light you just ran was flashing red? You were supposed to come to a complete stop.”

Reese: “Oh…whew, is that all?”

Eliza: “OH, HAHAHA…pay no attention to…ummm…I’m so sorry about that officer.”

Cop: “Yea, well, I’m gonna have to give you a ticket. Driver’s license and registration, please."

Eliza opens the glove compartment of her car, but…

Eliza: “Huh? What…where’s the registration?”

Eliza searches ever more intensely as millions of reggae tapes pour out from the glove compartment.

Lez: “Where is it?!?! How can we find anything in all of these reggae tapes?!?!"

Cop: "Reggae tapes?"

Lez: "WHERE'S THE REGISTRATION!?!?!"

Eliza: “I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE REGISTRATION IS!?!?”

Cop: “You don’t have registration for this vehicle?”

Reese: “OH, SHE HAS REGISTRATION! AND WE’RE GOING TO FIND IT!!!”

Lez: “Oh, God! Oh, God…”

Cop: “You don't have registration for this vehicle AND you listen to reggae?"

Eliza: “NO!! I mean...No, I do have registration and, yes, I do listen to a lot of reggae...”

Reese: “What?!? What are you talking about Eliza?!?"

Cop [sniffing]: "Have you girls been smoking illegal substances?"

Eliza, Lez, & Reese: "NO!!!"

Eliza: “WHAT I MEAN IS, I DO HAVE REGISTRATION!! THIS IS MY DAD’S CAR, I SWEAR!!”

Cop: “Uh-huh...”

Reese: " 'Uh-huh'??"

Cop: "Hmmmm??"

Reese: “ ‘Hmmm?’ No, ‘Hmmm’!! The registration is HERE!!!”

Lez: “WHERE IS IT?!?! WHERE IS IT?!?!”

Eliza: “I DON’T KNOW!!!”

Reese [getting hysterical]: “Oh, my god! I can’t believe it’s going to end this way for me!! I was supposed to graduate from high school, go to college, then medical school and become a pediatric surgeon! NOW IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!”

Eliza: “I FOUND IT!!”

Lez: “Oh, thank god!”

Cop: “Alright. Wait here while I check everything out.”

There is silence in the beamer for the next 10 minutes…


Cop: “Alright, Miss. Here’s your driver’s license and registration. AND, your ticket. Remember, next time stop at the flashing red light.”

Eliza: “Hahaha, yes…sir…I’ll remember.”

The Cop drives off first, followed by Eliza...

Lez: [silence]

Eliza: [silence]

Reese: “OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!”

Lez: “That was NOT awesome!”

Reese: “Yes, it was! I thought we were goners and the cop was going to go all “Rodney King” on us colored girls in a BMW with no registration! But, he didn’t and THAT was awesome!!”

Eliza: “Yea, that was pretty cool…”

Lez: “IT WAS NOT COOL!!”

Reese: “Yea, that was wicked!”

Lez: “IT WAS NOT WICKED…”

Eliza: “CAN’T NOBODY TOUCH ME IN MY BEAMER!!”

Reese: “You’re so right, Eliza.”

Eliza: “I know.”

Lez: “I’m never going any place with you people again.”

Reese: “Hehehe...awesome!”




© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


15 Comments:

Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I can tell you from experience, if you had been 3 black or hispanic guys, you would have be sitting on the side of the street watching the cops try to figure out which one of you is going to jail for something they just made up.
You musta ALL been fiiiiiiiiine!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

LOL! Well, Eliza and Lez were. They're supermodels. ;)

12:13 PM  
Blogger Lez said...

I'm not a supermodel, I just play one on TV... I wish I had your memory of events Reese, life would be a lot more fun!

1:48 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

I think it's interesting that you only remember 1/2 of this night. You totally left out the race and that was the best part (of course, you never wanted to race, so I guess you just repressed it). At least I have Eliza to back me up on this one. ;)

1:54 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

That's great. I love the call (I'm imagining it from the back seat) DO IT! DO IT! Now that definately brings me back to highschool.

I notice that your cop's siren sounded european. You sure he wasn't just some guy with a revolving light on his roof?

4:51 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Yea, that wasn't one of my better moments.

In any case, no he was a real cop as that was a real $60.00 ticket that Eliza had to pay. That was just the best way I could think of to write what a siren sounds like. ;)

7:28 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

Well, otherwise we might gave gotten into a stupid discussion about "Woo, woo". No, "Raaaaarh, raaaahr..."

Hard to type a sound. I was just messing around, of course.

3:23 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

Ha ha that has just brought back some memories for me.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Jomama said...

lol. I'm glad I randomly stumbled across this blog. That was funny as hell.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Jomama said...

Oh yeah, I just linked to your blog cause you're so cool.

9:28 AM  
Blogger FruitFly said...

Girls - even when they appear to be completely insane, stoned, or both - can get away with so much with cops sometimes.

The feminist in me hates to admit this, but I kind of like it that way. Y'know?

Great story... I've made it back through your blog now. You are truly hilarious. :)

9:48 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Rina Bee: Thanx! Now, I'm going to have to check out your blog. Horray! Another blog for me to read. :)

Fruitfly: Well, generally I oppose favortism as well. But, it sure does beat the hell out of sitting in jail. ;)

Thanx and I'm always happy to entertain. :)

11:56 AM  
Blogger tannia g. robles said...

i totally felt like i was in the car with you, i felt the wind in my hair! i would have been right next to you saying do it do it do it. good times, good times.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Hey Reese, do you really wear pink eyeshadow and carry a lightsaber?

Cooooooool!

9:59 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

J: Not only do I wear pink and carry a lightsaber, I also have the baddest Matrix sunglasses the world has ever seen. Even better than Keanu's! ;)

10:21 AM  

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