Friday, April 15, 2005

Ask Reese™: April 2005

Hey Reese,

A friend has been annoying me a lot lately. A LOT. I've been patient. Boy, have I been patient. Now that I think about it, she's been annoying me since winter of 2003! During last Spring, we had a talk and things got better. Then, her boyfriend broke up with her, she stopped going to class, school, etc. I did my best to be there for her, but it's a little hard when the person says things like, "cheer me up" "make me happy"...

Everything with her is a problem. She's forever the victim, and about her current situation, she refuses to believe her ex-boyfriend has anything to do with her decision to take time off from school. I just listen. I'm tired, Reese. To make matters worse, she calls, text messages, instant messages, and emails NONSTOP; and she's picking up a lot of my habits, my quirks. To the extent that a friend of mine actually said, "she's totally trying to be you...".

Yesterday, as noted on my blog, I got the nerve to bring up the way she smacks her food when she eats. I know, it's terrible. But it just seemed to get louder and louder! I had to say something. The funny thing is that she later told me that the perfume I was wearing (Chanel N5) "doesn't really work with you"...I was so glad that I needed to go back to work. I need space. Curious about your thoughts…

- Friend of an Annoying Victim

Dear, Friend:

Oh, I know this problem all too well. I have actually lived it! It’s got to be one of the most annoying things in the world to deal with. Your “pal” is suffering from what I like to call “Woe is Me Syndrome.” (WIMS)

WIMS is a terrible disease. It causes your friend to become egocentric- forcing everyone to focus all of their attention on her and her problems. Even when she doesn’t have problems! For example, let’s say your friend is in a horrible plane crash. Everyone dies, except her. In fact, she doesn’t have a scratch on her. Instead of thanking God for her life, you’re friend is likely to text message you this-

Send: 555-555-5555

Message: Woe is me! I’ve just been in a horrible plane crash. Everyone is dead! I survived! But, the worse part is, I lost my luggage! WHY GOD!?! WHY MY LUGGAGE!?!

You see, WIMS distorts her reality. It’s a mental illness really. And, worst of all, it causes associates of WIMS patients to have to deal with this distorted reality. But, luckily, you do have some options when a friend has contracted WIMS. Here are your options:

Option #1

If you would like to remain friends, follow the script below:

You: Look, we need to talk…again.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me! Woe is me!

You: I don’t know how to tell you this…but, I think you should get tested for WIMS.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me! I have WIMS?!?! How do I get rid of it?

You: It’s going to be tough. But, the first thing you have to do is stop calling me. Also, stop text messaging me.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me…

You: Then, call this man. He’s a psychiatrist. You need intensive therapy to get over WIMS. He’ll listen to you so that I don’t have to. And, he’ll give you some great drugs that will make you feel all better.

WIMS: Woe is me! Are you trying to say that I’m crazy? Woe is me!

You: Well, yes. WIMS is characterized by major depression and distorted reality. People who are depressed often use up their social support to the point where they no longer have friends. I want us to still be friends. And, the only way that can happen is if you get some therapy.

WIMS: Woe is me! Okay. I’ll do it.

You: Great. And remember, you don’t have to suffer through WIMS alone.

WIMS: Woe is me! But, you said that I couldn’t talk to you anymore?

You: Well, I guess you do have to suffer through WIMS alone, huh? But, you’ll always have your weekly session with your psychiatrist.

WIMS: Woe!

Option #2

If you don’t care to remain friends, follow this script:

You: Look, we need talk…again.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me! Woe is me!

You: Look, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…you’ve got WIMS and I can’t stand to be around you anymore.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me! What are you trying to say?

You: I just can’t take it anymore! Everything is ‘Woe is me.’ EVERYTHING! That’s it! It’s over! I cannot be your friend. I’m sorry, but we have to move on.

WIMS Girl: Woe is me! So, that’s it? You just don’t want to be friends anymore?

You: Yea, that’s it. Have a nice life. And, try and get some help with your WIMS.

WIMS Girl: Woe is…

You: Yea, whatever. Latah!

I really like this approach. It employs one of the keys to living a successful life. And that key is called “running away.”

Yes, running away is useful. By running away, all of your problems are behind you. You no longer have to deal with them and your life can start all over again- in peace.

Regardless of which option you choose, I do suggest that you two separate (as in have NO contact) at least for a couple of weeks. That way you can decide if you really want to remain friends with this person or not.

Anyways, I send you my deepest sympathy. I know what it’s like to have to deal with “The Woe.” Here’s hoping you escape without contracting WIMS yourself.


Do you have a problem that you need me to fix? Of course you do! You know your life is all screwed up. So, Ask Reese™ by sending me an e-mail at

© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger Desiree said...

Wow. I think I have WIMS too. Where do I sign up for the psychiatrist? :)

2:59 PM  
Blogger Janette said...

That was funny. I will have to think of something to write to you.
How often do you plan to answer a 'Ask Reese' post?


7:07 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

Hey that friend your talking about I think I know who she was. (It better not be me) Good advice. Therapy is the answer to so many of lifes problems

12:09 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...


I'll probably do it once a month. More often if I get a lot of questions. Thanx! :)

Lisa: No, it's not you. ;)

6:45 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

Reese is the coolest!

8:52 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Hehehe, thanx, Karla! :)

9:55 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

Your Welcome!

1:19 PM  

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