Sunday, April 24, 2005

Cops: South Pinellas, Florida


"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatchta gonna do when they come for youuuuuu??"



Cops: South Pinellas, Florida



Radio dispatcher: "[static] Units 5 & 6 [static] report to Fairmont Park Elementary School, we've got a TT1 in progress."

Cop 1: "Alright, we're pulling up to the Fairmont Park district . What we've got here is a domestic disturbance. Uh, 5 year old, African-American female destroying property..."

Cop 2: "Another Black kid..."

Cop 1: "Yea, another Black kid, destroying paper, jumping on tables. We've dealt with this one before. This time, the situation is grave. It's a full on TT1..."

Cop 2: "Temper Tantrum in the 1st degree..."

Cop 1: "Yea, we may need backup. Dispatcher, we need 2 more officers as backup."

Cop 2: "You just don't know how difficult it is to deal with 5 year old black kids who are committing TT1's. I mean, what do we do if she hits us?"

Cop 1: "Well, let's get locked and loaded!"



As our ever heroic cops pull up to the school, the backup that was called in arrives to assist their fellow officers.



Cop 3: "So, what's the situation?"

Cop 1: "We've got a 5 year old, African-American kid..."

Cop 2: "Another black kid..."

Cop 1: "Yea, another black kid in full TT1."

Cop 3: "OH, [BLEEP]!"

Cop 4: "Not a TT1!"

Cop 2: "Yup."

Cop 3: "Alright, well, let's get our guns locked and loaded. Man, I hate dealing with TT1 black kids! When are these people going to get over their violent tendencies?"

Cop 1: "I don't know, man. I just don't know..."



As our heroes enter the school they run into another hero. A teacher.



Teacher: "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE TO HELP US!"

Cop 1: "Okay, ma'am calm down. What's the situation?"

Teacher: "She's gone nuts! I think her aggressive black gene has kicked in and there's nothing we can do to control her! She's ripping up paper, standing on tables, and she broke a candy dish!"

Cop 2: "NOT A CANDY DISH?!?"

Teacher: "Yes, a candy dish! We don't know what to do!!!"

Cop 1: "Okay, its worse than I expected. Alright every one, get ready. Ma'am where is the child now?"

Teacher: "In the assistant principal's office."

Cop 1: "Okay, let's go!"




The hero's approach the principal's office where they see the little girl sitting calmly in a chair...




Cop 1 [whispering]: "Okay, there she is. Don't be fooled by her cool demeanor. She could jump up and throw a candy dish toward us at any moment."

Cop 2 [whispering]: "Get the plastic cuffs ready..."



The hero's enter the prinicpal's office cautiously...



Cop 1 [nervously]: "Hello, little girl. Remember when we saw you last I told your mom that if you ever committed a TT1, I would cuff you?"

Little Girl: [silence]

Cop 1: "GRAB HER! GRAB HER!"

Cop 2: "I'VE GOT HER!"

Little Girl [crying]: "Nooooo!!!"

Cop 3: "PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!!"

Little Girl [crying]: "Noooo, please!!!"

Cop 4: "DON'T MAKE THIS MORE DIFFICULT ON YOURSELF!"

Cop 1: "ALRIGHT, I'VE GOT THE CUFFS ON HER WRISTS!!"

Cop 2: "Whew! Alright, let's get her to the cruiser."

Assistant Principal: "Oh, thank god for you officers!"



As our heros escort the little girl to the police cruiser, she fidgets in her uncomfortable handcuffs...



Cop 1: "Are you resisting arrest?!?!"

Cop 2: "HOGTIE, PEOPLE! WE HAVE TO HOGTIE HER!!"

Cop 3: "RESTRAIN HER ANKLES WITH HANDCUFFS!!"

Cop 4: "I'VE GOT IT!! CHILD RESTRAINED AND HANDCUFFED!"

Cop 1 [pushing little girl into police cruiser]: "NOW, YOU STAY IN THERE AND COOL DOWN UNTIL WE GET YOU TO THE STATION!!"

Cop 2: "Wow, that was rough!"

Cop 3: "I wasn't sure we would make it out alive!"

Cop 4: "Yea, but we did. And we got the perp!"

Cop 1: "Well, that's what we're here for. To protect and serve. That's what we do...It's what we do."



COPS!!






© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

7 Comments:

Blogger Janette said...

Nice Reese!

3:40 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Well, I do try...

Thanx! ;)

4:22 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I personally thought, why didn't they just pepper spray her and send her out to play with the other kids?
Just kidding.
She should've ran. Have you ever seen those fat outta shape cops trying to run down a guy? Them trying to catch a little girl? Forgret about it. They would have had to cover it like a high speed chase, helicopters & several squad cars. Half the force bent over wheezing. Good stuff.

I didn't get to see the video. I heard she really was freaking out, but THE COPS, come on. I hope she landed a good kick to the shin or groin! :)

8:05 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

tee hee, i like it!

1:47 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

LOL

8:52 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

I'm gonna leave this one up for another couple of days. Everytime I read it, I laugh hysterically.

LOL!

The post really did write itself. ;)

11:50 AM  
Blogger quincee said...

Reese,
Since I live in Florida, this story has about run it's course but I love your posting.
~Q

11:15 AM  

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