Monday, June 29, 2009

Human Nature


Disclaimer: This is a tribute post. If you are a Negative Betty, please leave. No Negative Betty's! Thank you.



So, I guess Michael Jackson is the only person who could get me out of my three month writer’s block. Amazing.


I am a MJ fan. I always have been and I always will be. I never believed any of the allegations hurled against him. In fact, I always felt so badly for Mike because I believed that he was stuck in emotional development hell. He only ever had about five years of normalcy before being thrust into the sweat shop that was the Jackson 5. He spent his whole life in front of the world and no one cared enough about him as a person to guide him into becoming a fully functioning adult.


I genuinely felt pity for the man. And, I honestly felt like the scorn he received was like kicking a disabled person who was already lying helpless on the ground. Just not my scene and not how I operate.


So, yeah, when MJ died I thought to myself, “Self! You gotta write something! This huge! This is MJ! The only artist on your list of Artists You Must See Live, that you never got to see live…so write something!”


And, then, like everything else that’s worth writing about on this blog, nothing was written. Nothing flowed from my brain to my fingers to Vicky5 (or is it Vicky4…I’ve lost count of my Vicky’s). Literally, I went to write an MJ tribute and my brain farted loudly (which, by the way, is not pleasant at all) and made me go listen to “Human Nature” on my Creative Zen instead.


So, here it is, four days after Michael died. All his tributes have been written, and I got nothing on my blog, but an open letter to my ex-boyfriend. It’s like, really, what happened to my talent? Why can’t I write anything, anymore?


And then, this morning, on my way to pick up breakfast at the Sky Grille in my office, a random thought popped into my head:


“Huh…the first week without any MJ ever again. Music sure is going to suck forever now.”


Now, sure that seems like a totally innocuous statement. But, when I thought about all the other things I said and emotions I felt over the last few days, I realized that I had completed my Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief. What’s more is that I could even write about my Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief on my blog (now with more cynicism, sarcasm, and self-deprecation). Finally, I have something I can write about!


So I present to you (the negative 2 of you who still read this blog), Reese’s Kubler-Ross-MJ Stages of Grief.


Denial



Thursday, June 25, 2009. 7:30pm


Reese: “Yawn! That was a good nap. Time for So You Think You Can Dance!”

“What’s this? 18 messages! Geesh, who died? [Reese states this with sarcasm that today she feels total and complete guilt for]”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG, rumor that Michael Jackson had a heart attk!”

Reese [more cynicism]: “Yeah, right…”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG, rumor that Michael Jackson in a coma!!”

Reese: “Whatever!”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “OMG! Rumor that Michael Jackson just died!!!
Jdksaljdsfkldsjdljdskljdsljdsl!!!111!!!!11111One!”

Reese: “Egypt is so gullible.”


TEXT Message from Egypt: “They just announced he’s dead…Channel 4 news.”

Reese: [silent]



TEXT Message from Egypt: “MJ Special on abc 2nite @ 9”

Reese [small voice]: …no way…





Anger


TEXT Message from Egypt (she sent this message twice): “MJ Special on abc 2nite @ 9”


Reese: …………



“SON OF A BITCH!!!!”





Bargaining (exactly 1 second after anger)



Reese: “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! DEAR LORD CAN’T YOU TAKE JOE JACKSON INSTEAD?!?!?”

“SERIOUSLY, I’LL GO GET HIM FOR YOU!!! IF YOU WANT ME TOO, I TOTALLY WILL!!!! SHOOT, I’LL TAKE OUT JANET! I’M STILL MAD AT THAT TRICK FOR CANCELLING HER TOUR DATE IN FT. LAUDERDALE!!”




Numbness


Reese [calls Toya]: “Toya…”

Toya [sniffling (she’s already at the “Depression” stage)]: “…yeah [sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “Toya…MJ is…dead…”

Toya: “Yeah, I know, I know…I called you…[sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “I was…taking a nap…”

Toya: “I’ve been crying since I heard.”

Reese: “Oh, man…this…how…this…”

Toya: “I know…[sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “You’re crying, but…I don’t feel anything…”

Toya: “It’ll hit you eventually [sniff, sniff]”

Reese: “No…I don’t know…maybe…”





Depression


CBS MJ Special


Ed Bradley: “Michael, is there anything that you would tell your fans, for those fans who have questions?”

Michael Jackson: “I would tell them, if they want to know me more to listen to the most autobiographical song I ever wrote…and that’s a song called “Childhood.”

[“Childhood” starts playing]

[“Before you judge me…Try hard to love me…”]


Michael Jackson: “And I would tell them that I love them very much. And that I never take any of their love for granted. Never.”

[“The painful youth, I’ve haaadddd…”]



Reese: …..


“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”


[Ugh, yes, tears and that weird sorta hyperventilating thing you do when you’re really upset…yeah…I’m lame]




Depression


Sit tight folks, we’re going to be here all weekend. Yeah!



Friday, June 26, 2009.


Reese: “Oh…I’m too devastated to function.”

[Reese spends a whole day not functioning due to devastation]




Saturday, June 27, 2009.

8am

Reese: “….”




10am

Reese: “…meh…”



Noon

Reese: “…gjkdlsdksldjskfdlsls…”



2pm

Reese: “…brain…attempting…to…conjure…thought…”



2:01pm

Reese: “OW!”

“Ohhhh, my brain hurts…”




2:02pm

Reese: “Advil, Advil, Advil, Advil, Advil…”



2:30pm

Reese: “Sigh.”




2:31pm

Reese: “…meh…”



4:00pm

Reese: “Well…I guess I should do something…where’s the ice cream?”




Anger


4:01pm

Reese: “THERE’S NO ICE CREAM?!?!?!





Bargaining


4:02pm

Reese: “Dear, Lord. I’ll give you Joe Jackson and RAISE you 5 bucks if you give back MJ and make some Ben & Jerry’s instantly appear here.”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Really?”




Depression

4:03pm


Reese [crying]: “THERE’S NO ICE CREAM!!!!”




Regret


Sunday, June 28, 2009

11am


Reese: “Awww…No Doubt, check. Alanis Morissette, check. Teena Marie, check. Janet Jackson, check. But, I never got to check off MJ. I never got to see him live in concert.”

Maria [laughing]: “Oh, girl…like you would have ever gotten tickets to an MJ show.”





Anger


11:01am

Reese: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN TICKETS?!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!? I AM THE TICKETMASTER!! I GET TICKETS TO EVERYTHING!!!”

Maria: “Okay, okay, calm down…”

Reese: “NO YOU CALM DOWN!! DON’T INSULT MY TICKETMASTERY SKILLS!! THEY ARE SUPERB!!! WHO ELSE DO YOU KNOW GETS TICKETS TO THREE OLYMPICS AND FRONT-ROW SEATS TO NO DOUBT, JANET JACKSON, AND TEENA MARIE, HMMMMM??”

Maria: “Umm…no one…”

Reese: “THAT’S RIGHT!! PFSSHHH!! TELL ME I CAN’T GET MJ TICKETS…I CAN GET MJ TICKETS…”

Maria: [silent]

Reese [muttering under her breath]: “…can’t get MJ tickets…ME…seriously!...unbelievable…”

Maria: “Are you done now?”

Reese: “…yeah, I guess, so…”




11:10pm


Maria: “Seriously, what’s with all the anger?”

Reese: “I don’t know.”



Acceptance


8:00am

Reese: “Huh…the first week without any MJ ever again. Music sure is going to suck forever now.”


“Sigh. I guess I better get used to chart topping hits by such greats as Soldier Boy Tell ‘Em. Gah!”




Bargaining


8:01am

Reese: “Dear Lord, I’ll give you Soldier Boy Tell ‘Em in exchange for Mike. Please?!?”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Really?”


God: [silent]


Reese: “Sigh. Dang, that’s messed up. Really is gone for good, huh?”

God: [gives Reese a sympathetic nod]

Reese: “Dang.”







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