Thursday, September 28, 2006

On Hiatus

Well, unfortunately, this whole mess with Verizon and Gateway has left me internetless; and, the problem doesn't seem to have an end anytime soon.

So, I'm going to have to do what I never thought I would do.



Go on Hiatus...Hiatus...Hiatus...Hiatus...



I know, I'm sad too. I was thinking of posting chapters from my book on here as a way to movtivate myself into writing it. But, alas, that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.


In any case, I will keep you updated on what's going on with Vicky3-gate. But, until I get all of this stuff fixed, I won't be updating like I used too (which was what, like, twice a week- so maybe you won't miss anything).

Anyways, gotta do some work. Those pesky Senior Attorneys are always breathing down my neck!

I'm out be-otches!!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Muppets with Attitude

Friday, September 22, 2006

Such Cute Sneaky Minxies

First of all, I want to say that I loved everyone's use of Sneaky Minx in a sentence. Except for Kom (Kom, that was the worst use of Sneaky Minx in a sentence ever and you should be ashamed! Ashamed, I say!).


To reward all you Sneaky Minxes out there, I have a special little video that is sure to brighten up your day and simultaneously make you say, "Awwwww!"

Except for Kom. Kom, your punishment for not using Sneaky Minx correctly is that you have to go to China and buy me a Panda. Chop, chop now! Get a move on. Panda's don't just appear in Florida overnight.


Anyhoo, I'm still without a PC card so that means no internet for Reese. Hopefully, next week I can get back on the net.


I'm out, you Sneaky Minxies!


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Reese the Law Girl: That Sneaky Minx!

FYI, as I told BK on his blog, today is Sneaky Minx Day. Everyone is a Sneaky Minx. Don’t ask me why, I just called a friend of mine a Sneaky Minx and now I want to call everyone a Sneaky Minx. I don’t exactly know what it means; it’s just something that popped into my head. But, here’s how you use it in a sentence…


“You didn’t tell me that, you Sneaky Minx!”

“Going out with the hot boy tonight, you Sneaky Minx?!?”

“You stole my pen! You, Sneaky Minx!”


Also, if you use Sneaky Minx in a sentence, you have to say it all Austin Powers like. You know like something on the down low is going on that’s really sexy. Why don’t you try to use Sneaky Minx in a sentence? It’s fun!


In other news, the lack of Vicky3 and my job’s current office policy of continuously stabbing me in the back has rendered me insane. This is evident by my current loopy mood and my obsession with the use of the term Sneaky Minx.


In other, other news, I’m writing a book. I was brainstorming ways to get rich and stop working and I thought that the best way was to write a book. I will tell you one thing though and that is that the trick to writing a book is actually writing a book. I don’t know if I have the attention span to actually write something that’s more than ten pages. So, I’ve decided to take this book writing thing ten pages at a time. Sounds like a plan, right?


Reese Lillianne Stallworth.


You may just hear about her someday.


Anyways, blogging from work is not cool, so I’m out. Hope to be back on the net with Vicky3/4 soon.



© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, September 18, 2006

I Declare War!

The House of Gateway doth strike again!


I swear on the life of Vicky3 that I will never buy a Gateway again!


Depending on the response of the House of Best Buy I will probably barter Vicky3 to the spice traders of the land of Ebay and buy a brand new Vicky4 from the House of Hewlett Packard.


Damn you House of Gateway!! Damn you to hell!!!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Racism

Terry: “You know, I’ve had to face a lot of racism in this industry.”

Reese: “Yeah?”

Terry: “You know, as a black man, they’re always trying to mess with a brother.”

Reese [rolls eyes, not really paying attention]: “Uh-huh…”

Terry: “Yeah, you know like once I took this summer associate gig at this firm in California. Real hoity-toity** kind of place- run by Mormons.”

“The firm had never had a black attorney work for them, so they felt they had to prepare the employees for my arrival.”


Reese: “Oh, yeah? What did they do?”

Terry: “Now, when I tell you this you’re not going to believe it…”

“Basically, the senior partners got all of the women in the firm together. Junior partners, associate attorneys, paralegals, secretaries, everyone. All of the women…”


Reese: “Yeah?”

Terry: “Yeah, so they got all of the women employees together and had this big meeting, right? And at the meeting they tell the women that a black man will be joining the firm…”

Reese: “Yeah?”

Terry: “And then they tell the women that they have to “be careful” of the new employee.”

Reese [outraged]: “WHAT?!?!”

Terry: “Yup! They told the women that they have to be careful because a black man is coming and that they should watch out for themselves and remember that the firm does not allow office romances.”

Reese: “OH MY GOD!!”

Terry: “Yup. They actually thought that I was going to be some sort of over-sexualized creature who was going to prey upon the female employees or, in the alternative, some sort of rapist who would take sex from the female employees.”

Reese: “Get the hell out of here!!”

Terry: “Nah man, I’m totally serious. That actually happened.”

Reese: “Man, that’s whack!”

Terry: “Yup.”

Reese: “But wait a minute…how did you find out about the meeting? I know the partners didn’t just tell you they had some secret sex meeting warning the female employees to stay away from you.”

Terry: “Nah, nah. I found out one night after I slept with one of the female partners.”

Reese: [silent]

Terry: “Yeah, I mean there I was, in bed with the female partner after an awesome night of hot sex and she told me how the firm was racist and had this super-secret sex meeting warning people not to have sex with me. Can you believe that?!?”

Reese: “Terry…”

Terry: “Yeah?”

Reese: “YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!!!!”

Terry: “What?!?!”

Reese: “You slept with one of the partners!?! At a SUMMER job!?! How long were you there for before you slept with her? 2 days?!?!”

Terry: “Man, it had to be a week at least.”

Reese: “Oh my god!”

Terry: “What?”

Reese: “That’s ridiculous, Terry!!!”

Terry: “They were racists, Reese!”

Reese: “OH MY GOD!! SHUT-UP!! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!”

Terry: “But, they were…”

Reese: “SHUT-UP!!!”



**Use of the word “hoity-toity” is especially for Jessica R. ;)



© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.


Monday, September 11, 2006

Five Years: Where Were You?

September 11, 2001

8:45am


Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. Everything’s coming out clearly. Everything’s going my way.


Is that how that song goes? However it goes, it certainly is a gorgeous day out today. Too bad I’m stuck in Intellectual Property instead of enjoying the sun.


Man, I should have been like “Lisa” today! Sleep in, skip class, and enjoy this great day. Instead, I’m stuck in IP having to take extra great notes so that “Lisa” won’t fall behind. Gawd! I’m such a goodie-goodie!!




September 11, 2001

9:50am


Yawn! Well, that was boring.


Hmmm…I only have 10 minutes before Labor Law. I’m going to go and check my e-mail in the library. See if I got that interview with the Library of Congress…


Hey, what’s going on in the lobby? Why is everyone crowded around the television?


“Hey, Bridget. What’s going on?”


Why is Bridget crying?


“Oh, Reese! It’s awful…I just…can’t…believe…”

“What? You can’t believe what?”

“Just…look, Reese! Look!!”


Sigh. Okay, what is this? Lots of smoke…is that the World Trade Center? Is it on fire?


“Bridget…why is the World Trade Center on fire?”

“Reese! A plane just crashed into the tower!”

“What?!?”

“A plane just crashed into the tower. And before that…”



Unbelievable! I always knew a plane was going to hit one of those buildings. I remember standing at the top of one of those towers thinking, “Man, someday some stupid fool is going to crash a plane into this building.”

I hate it that I’m always able to predict the bad things that happen in this world.



“No, not just a plane,” interrupts Alan. “Reese, two planes hit both towers!”

“Wow! What are the odds that two Sesnas would hit the World Trade Center?”

“No, I don’t think you understand Reese. Not two Sesnas. Two planes! Commercial jet liners!! They both crashed into the towers!”


I’m confused…


“I’m confused. I don’t understand what you’re saying, Alan…”

“Reese! We’re under attack!! THE U.S. IS UNDER ATTACK!!!”


I’m still not following…


“And it’s not just New York, Reese! They’re attacking DC too!”


Okay, that one hurt…


“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘THEY’RE ATTACKING DC TOO’?”

“Well…we don’t have all the details…”

“FORGET IT! I’LL FIND OUT MYSELF!!!”


Okay, be calm Reese. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Alan is an idiot. Sure, some Sesnas flew into the World Trade Center. That’s sad. That’s very sad. But, DC is okay. So is everyone in DC. I’ll just get on the computer in the library and find out what’s going on…


Oh. My. God.


The Pentagon…


How…why…


Oh, God! I’ve got to call everyone. CC is in DC. My mom may be in DC. My God my whole family is in DC!!!


Okay, but the Pentagon is in Virginia. Maybe they were able to get out of the city once they found out what happened in Virginia? Yes, yes, they’re probably gone by now…


But, what if there’s another attack. What if they attack the Capital or something? God, DHHS is way to close to the Capital!!!


I’ve got to call everyone!!


“All Circuits are Busy…”


Oh, god! C’mon!!!!


“Hello, you have reached the voicemail of CC. Leave a message.”

“CC! GET OUT OF DC!! GET OUT IF YOU’RE NOT ALREADY OUT!! THEY’VE ALREADY ATTACKED NY AND THE PENTAGON! MY GOD, THE IRS MUST BE NEXT!!! GET OUT!!!”


Gotta try and get through to Mom…


“Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Mom. Leave a message.”


“Mom…please don’t be in DC today. Call me as soon as you get this message.”


Man!!


Son of a b*tch!!


Sigh. This is the worst day ever.




September 11, 2001

10:00 am


I’ve got to get home. Maybe they’re trying to call me at home…


[Reese’s Cell Phone Rings]


“Hello? Hello?”

“REESE!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS???”

“Eliza? Eliza where are you? What’s going on in DC?”

“They cancelled everything at GW. They told us to get out of the city. We’re leaving!”

“But, everything else is okay?”

“I don’t know. I just know about the Pentagon and then they evacuated us. They’re letting people out of the city, but no one can get in.”

“I hope my family is okay…”

“They’re probably getting out of the city too, Reese. I’m sure they’ll call you soon.”

“I really hope so, Eliza.”

“Reese?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you think…this is the end of the world?”

“Well, I thought about that, Eliza…”

“Yeah…”

“And, I’m pretty sure it is the end of world. We should probably be praying now.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right, Reese.”

“So…”

“Alright…I’m going to hang up so I can pray.”

“Okay, I’ll call you back later Eliza.”

“Oh, Reese. I hope we all get saved…”



September 11, 2001

10:10am


“And, this is video of the South Tower falling…”


Lord. It just gets worse.


I’ve got to call Lisa. I can’t believe this is happening!



“Hello?”

“LISA! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!?!”

“Man…why you calling me early in the morning like this?”

“Lisa! Are you sleeping?”

“Yeah, man!”

“Lisa!! The World Trade Center is GONE!!!”

“What?”

“The World Trade Center is GONE!!!!”

“Eh…what? What are you talking about?”

“Turn to the Today Show. NOW!!!”



Oh, my God. I can’t believe those buildings fell...



“Reese?”

“Yeah?”

“JESUS F------ CHRIST, REESE!!! WHAT THE F----?!? WHAT THE F--- ?!”

“It was a terrorist attack…”

“I WAS SLEEPING!!! I WENT TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND NOW I’M AWAKE. IN BETWEEN THAT TIME ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE WORLD LOST ITS MIND!?!?!?”

“Pretty much…”

“MY GOD!!!!”

“I want to know what’s happening in DC. Is this it? Is it over? I hope everyone is okay…”

“JESUS F------ CHRIST!!!!”

“It’s the end of the world, Lisa. You should really stop cursing.”

“MY F------ GOD!!!!”

“Sigh.”

“I JUST…I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS S----!!!”

“Yeah, but…oh, wait! That’s my mom, I gotta go…”

“WHO’S THE MOTHER F------ WHO DID THIS??? HE MUST DIE!!!!”

“I’ll call you later…”

“DIE!!! HE MUST DIE!!!”



“Mom?”

“Reese, everyone is okay. CC wasn’t at work today and I’m in Towson for a conference. Everyone in the family is getting out of the DC and no one was even near the Pentagon.”

“Oh, Mom. Thank God!!!”






October 11, 2001

9:00pm

Northern Virginia



Okay, how the heck am I supposed to get to this party in Crystal City? I’m so lost…


Oh…wow…the Pentagon…


Oh…this is where the plane hit…wow…




OH MY GOD!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING AT THE PENTAGON?!?!?!?



Oh, GAWD!!! That guy with the gun is going to kill me!!!



“Stop the car, Ma’am. Stop the car!!!”

“I’M LOST!!!! I’M LOST!!!! I SWEAR!! I’M NOT A TERRORIST!!!!”

“Ma’am…”

“Please don’t shoot me!!!!!”

“Ma’am, a lot of people get lost over here. Just back the car up and take the exit to your left.”

“Ummm…okay…”

“Have a nice night, Ma’am.”

“Yes…umm…you too…uh…Sir…”



Whew! That was close…


Oh, man! I can’t believe I pulled right up into the Pentagon. I could have been killed!!!


Man…I’m such a loser…and this world sucks @$$.






© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.





Thursday, September 07, 2006

Stolen From Leslye's MySpace

I wish the force would help me write the decisions for these cases that are sitting on my desk.


Pshf! The force just ain't no good!

------------------------------------

Your results:

You are Obi-Wan Kenobi

You are civilized, calm, and
have a good sense of humor,
even when those around you don't.
You can hold your own in a fight, but prefer it when things
don't get too exciting.



Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Test

Monday, September 04, 2006

One Whole Year in this Dump/Miami Celebrity Sighting #4

So, I’ve officially been in Miami for a year now. I have to say it’s been oh, so exciting! I mean, when I think of all the things I’ve experienced like…ummm…



Okay, it hasn’t been that exciting at all. Well, at least I’m getting a promotion this week. Whatever!



Here’s your latest Miami Celebrity Sighting. It actually happened about a month or so ago. To answer your question in advance, no, this celebrity sighting isn’t exciting either….


-----------------------------


Egypt [enters Reese’s office]: “Oh, girl! Guess who I just saw!”

Reese: “Who?”

Egypt: “Lil’ Wayne!”

Reese: “Lil’ Wayne the rapper?”

Egypt: “Yeah girl, he just came into our building.”

Reese: “Really?”

Egypt: “Yeah, see, I was going to lunch with my Judge and Maxine and we saw him…”



Flashback to 1 Hour Prior…


Egypt: “Oh, I’m sooo hungry!”

Maxine: “Yeah, me too.”

Judge: “Yeah…me too…”

“Hey, do ya’ll see that?!?”

Egypt: “See what?”

Judge: “Look! There’s a Bentley parking right in front of the building.”

Maxine: “Whoa!”

Egypt: “Nice.”

Judge: “What the? Who is that crazy headed kid getting out of the car?”

Maxine: “I don’t know, but it looks like his pants are about to fall off.”

Egypt: “Oh my god! That’s Lil’ Wayne!!”

Judge: “Little who?”

Egypt: “Lil’ Wayne! He’s a rapper.”

Judge: “Oh, figures.”

Egypt: “Wow, Lil’ Wayne. Man, he really is little. Very short.”

Maxine: “He looks crazy! Why are his pants falling off?!?”

Egypt: “Hehehehe, you can totally see his underwear.”

Judge: “Yeah, well, I see his underwear all right. I also see a brown spot on his underwear.”

Egypt: “OH MY GOD!!! EWWWWWW!!! JUDGE THAT’S NASTY!!!”

Judge: “What?!?! It’s not MY brown spot! He’s the one that has a brown spot on his underwear!”

Egypt: “OHHHH, JUDGE YOU’RE SO GROSS!!”

Judge: “Don’t blame me! I’m not the one who can’t control his bowel…”

Egypt: “OH MY GOD!! STOP, JUDGE! STOP!!!”

Judge: “BUT, IT’S NOT MY BROWN SPOT!!!!”

Maxine: “I know one thing- ya’ll need to stop with the brown spots! We’re about to eat!!!”

Judge: “But, I’m just pointing out the obvious! It’s not my fault his underwear has a brown spot!!!”

Egypt: “JUDGE!!!”

Judge [pointing]: “BROWN SPOT!! BROWN SPOT!!!”

Egypt & Maxine: “JUDGE, QUIT IT!!!”




Back to Reese’s Office…



Egypt: “Yeah, so that’s what happened.”

Reese: “Ewwwww!”

Egypt: “Yeah, girl!”

Reese: “That’s so nasty.”

Egypt: “I mean, a brown spot. I couldn’t believe it! A brown spot!!!”

Reese: “Okay, just stop…”

Egypt: “A brown spot, girl!”

Reese: “QUIT IT!!!”




© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.