Thursday, June 23, 2005

Tivo, You Brat!!

Today, Tivo, who I thought was my best friend, played a cruel and vicious joke on me.

Well, I pressed the little “Tivo” button to see what exciting and new things my best friend had recorded for me, when I noticed a little message at the bottom of the screen. The message said, “Brad Pitt needs your help.”

Well, actually, the message said “Brad Pitt, Bono need your help.” But, I didn’t see Bono’s name in that little sentence. I only saw the words “Brad” “Pitt” “needs” “YOUR” “help.”

Naturally, I assumed that this was it. That it had finally happened. That Brad Pitt had finally come to his senses and realized that I was the one who was supposed to have his baby. I tell you, the small moment of crazy that I was experiencing was the most wonderful, pure bliss moment I’ve had since I touched Lenny Kravitz.

Anyways, so I pressed the “select” button to hear Brad’s message. Of course, Brad had to contact me through Tivo. This is what guys always do. Tell a girl’s best friend to tell her friend that he wants her to have his baby. I immediately began to think, how am I going to break this new development to my family?


Reese: “Mom…”

Mom: “Yea??”

Reese: “I’M GONNA HAVE BRAD PITT’S BABY!!”

Mom: “OH, THANK GOD!! MY DAUGHTER IS GOING TO HAVE A RICH MAN’S BABY!! SHE FINALLY DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!”


Yes, I wasn’t lying when I said I was having a moment of crazy.


So, yeah, I pressed the button. And then, Brad’s lovely face appears on my television. He tells me that he needs my help. I’m just about to start packing for California, when suddenly Bono’s face shows up.


And then, Tom Hanks shows up. And Jamie Foxx.


Look, I can’t have EVERYONE’S baby!!


And then comes Salma Hayek. Who the hell invited her to the party? I already have to deal with Jennifer and Angelina. I don’t need anymore competition!

Then Jewel, and P.Diddy, and Alfre Woodard, and Benicio Del Toro. And, that’s when I realize this isn’t a personal message from Brad. It’s a commercial for those do-gooders over at The One Campaign. They want me to feed the children and end poverty (like that’s ever going to happen).


Those BASTARDS!!


How dare they fool me into listening to their do-gooder message!!!


Needless to say, I suddenly became very depressed. I also became disillusioned with Tivo. She was supposed to be my friend. She knew how important Brad was to me. Why did she do that? That was so evil.


So, after I got over my disappointment with Brad not asking me to have his baby, I decided to rewind the commercial and actually listen to it. As it turns out, it’s actually a very noble cause. And, as Tom Hanks said, “we don’t want your money, just your time.”


Whatever.


So, okay, there are people out there who need some help with junk. In my effort to continually do something positive with my life, I’m now linking The One Campaign in my links section. You all should check it out and do some junk to help some people. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.


I still say I would have made a really good Brad’s baby’s mama.


WHATEVER!!!




© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

13 Comments:

Blogger Caro said...

lol, hahaha. that's just spectacular.

i actually saw that commercial for the first time today, not nearly enough george clooney time, though he's my ultimate heart throb.

oooh tivo,how i love you.

2:22 AM  
Blogger Jomama said...

That was funny- yet sad. You're time will come. A funny coincidence is that I just realized last night that Angelina probably adopted Maddox cause she would never ruin her figure with pregnancy. So you're in there like swimwear cause Brad needs to proliferate those sexy genes, so he'll be dropping Angelina and looking for you any day now!

5:05 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Reese Pitt sounds TOO much like Grease Pit.

Stick with Orlando.

I think I have a cousin Tivo.

5:40 AM  
Blogger CubanDiva said...

LMAO...Reese, you are priceless! Hey does TiVo work with cable?

8:09 AM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

Oh don't malign Angelina. I think she adopted that baby because she's just a teensy bit impulsive and crazy. Plus when she got him she didn't have a man.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

I'm glad that you all were amused by my madness. I was too after I stopped yelling at Tivo (that bitch!). ;)

Kim: Yea, Tivo works with cable, satellite, even regular tv. It's pretty cool, although kind of a pain to hook up. ;p~~~

J: Stick with Orlando? I didn't know I left Orlando? Just 'cause I'm having Brad's baby, doesn't mean I can't have Orlando either.

Well, yes, in real life, that's what it would mean. But, in my head, I get to have all the mens (yes, that's right, I said "mens").

;)

9:27 AM  
Blogger ix said...

oooh.. i have just the MP3 for this occasion ;P

baby mama drama

mens... we need to see that list.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

That's just wrong, IX! ;)

I will eventually post my list of mens. I keep adding to the list, though. It's neverending! ;)

11:13 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Damn Reese you had me crackin' up today. Too funny girl! :)

12:55 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

LOL...i think you and Brad would have some cute kids. :) he soo needs to get on it so we can have some cute Reese/Brad babies ont his blog. :)

2:46 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Karla, I could not agree with you more!

Brad, you should totally follow Karla's advice. ;)

2:36 PM  
Blogger tannia g. robles said...

Don't worry, he'll come to his senses. He just doesn't know it yet that you are destined to be his baby mamma.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Tannia: I think I need a plan. So, far, I've come up with make Brad fall in love with me and have his baby.

I think I need to think this through some more...

;)

9:09 PM  

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