One Year Older/Crushes Back in the Day

So, today is the date of my birth…



[Reese waits for cheering and round of applause]





[Reese continues to wait]





[Reese stops waiting realizing that all of her internet friends suck]





As with every year on this day, I like to reflect on the past year and see what kind of stuff I did. Well, I have to say this was a pretty good Year of the 30. I mean, I turned 30 last year and didn’t lose my mind. I bought a new car and failed to complete the blog story on it like I said I was, I saw the Spice Girls in concert, saved for my trip to China, found a new place to live, and some other junk. It was a pretty standard year, but an alright one nonetheless.

Anyways, I was thinking about some other stuff I could write about today. When I got bored doing that I started thinking about hot boys. FYI, I almost always start daydreaming about hot boys whenever I’m bored.

Yeah, so I was thinking about the waiter at the Brickell P.F. Chang's who looks like a Latino Orlando Bloom (HOTTTT!!! I’m going to kidnap him, I swear it!!). And then I started thinking about how I’m going to make Daniel Henney fall in love with me at the Beijing Olympics (Yeah, Korean Hott!!!). But, then I slowly started getting back to writing this post and thought, “What about a July 7th post on my crushes from back in the day?” “Yes,” I thought, “this is going to be fun.”

Well, it was. For some of my crushes I realized that young Reese had good taste; but, for other guys I realized that young Reese was an idiot.

So, anyways, I now present to you…



Crushes…





I Had…







Back in the Day…







Ralph Machio





Awwww….he’s so cuuuttteee. He’s the cutest little Karate Kid evah!! Awww!

No seriously, I loved me some Ralph Machio back in the day. Seriously, he’s like the #1 crush from back in the day. No one could ever top Daniel-son.

Really, if I had lived in LA during the 80’s I’m pretty sure I would have spent my young childhood stalking Ralph Machio.

I just had way too much love for him back in the day.







Taimak



Oh, yeah!


Oh, yeah!!


This man was fine!


Sho’nuff!!!





But, really, what’s with the karate guys topping this list? Maybe I just like the heroes?


BTW, have you seen Taimak recently?



For the ladies…








Christopher Reeves



Yeah, I did have a hero thing going on. I think I totally bought that Knight in Shining Armor theme.

I was such a girl.


So tragic about Christopher Reeves. But, alas, we do have his great hotness to reflect on today.











Hans Solo

Because I was not feeling Indiana Jones, but I was totally feeling Hans Solo.

Harrison Ford didn’t exist in my world.














Rick Schroder



Okay, seriously, I was like six.


SIX!!


Give me a break.












El Debarge




Holy cow, I really don’t have any words to explain this. Maybe it was his voice? Or that he was on television? Geez louise, I don’t get it now. I wish I could go back in time and figure out what the heck I was sniffing.












Al B. Sure





Aaa…ahhh…ahhh...Al..B. Sure.


You gotta love a guy who can “rock” a unibrow, right?

Right?








Johnny Depp




So, this was the closest thing to a “bad boy” that goody-two shoes Reese could crush on. Yeah, he was a cutie though. I just knew I could change him.


When I was searching for an old Johnny Depp picture, I found this 21 Jump Street PSA on Youtube.




1-800-COCAINE!!


Really, ya'll know you need the help.












Richard Greico


Bastardized, Johnny Depp replacement. But, his tail was HOTT, so I loved him anyways!!














Alright, so those are my crushes from back in the day. Looking back, I’m kind of surprised how the 80’s weren’t really “the brother’s” decade. But, to be fair, the brother’s totally owned the 90’s (read: PWND!!). Moriss Chestnut, Shemar Moore, DENZEL, Taye Diggs, Blair Underwood, Isaiah Washington, Hill Harper, Tyson!


Whooo!! I need to make a 90’s list now for sure!



Hehehehe, alright, alright. In conclusion I’d just like to thank God that I have another year to try and do something useful with my life.



And also I want to thank God for the hot boys he created for me to gawk at.



Eye candy is really one of the best creations ever!!




© 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Lame Dragon Wars

This is my review of the movie "Dragon Wars" that I posted on another site. I love you all so much, that I thought I would give you a heads up on what has to be the worst movie ever made. This review is full of spoilers so if you don't want to know "important" details then don't read it.


You have been warned!

------------------------------



I'm pretty easy going on movies. Before today, I only had two movies on my list of worst movies ever (Ghost of Mars and The Flintstones). I went to see Dragon Wars knowing nothing about the movie. I didn't know it was Korean, I didn't know there was all this nationalistic pride about it, I really didn't know anything. I just saw the previews about some dragons fighting and I didn't have to work today, so I shot over to the theater to see it (going to see The Brave One with friends tomorrow). Anyways, I went in to this movie completely unbiased...


And it was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.


I'm sorry to all the Koreans out there who loved this movie. I never thought that any movie could be worse than Ghost of Mars which didn't make sense or the Flintstones which was just ridiculous. But, "D-Wars" actually did it. It was actually the worst movie I have ever seen.

When the movie started and the antique store guy was explaining the legend, I was like "is this a children's movie?" And then, when the guy was explaining about the Yugio (lol!) and the good Pokemon vs. the bad Pokemon (double lol!), I was like "What the hell?" And then when the bad Pokemon's worturtles decided to blow up the girl Transformer's spark, even though that would defeat the whole purpose of whatever their purpose was, I was like "OH MY GOD! WHAT STUDIO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!"

And then I realized that the film just didn't "look" American. And the city didn't look like any readily identifiable American city (hence the movie taking place in L.A. and not NY or DC), and I was like "This must not be an American film."

And then I kept watching, took a nap for 10 minutes, woke up to see more Pokemon fighting, wondered if the hot guy from Palace would show up since the movie was obviously Korean, didn't see the hot guy from Palace so went back to sleep, text messaged my friends to let them know how awful the movie was ("everyone involved with this movie should be shot!"), laughed out loud several times, yawned, laughed again at "I will love you for all eternity," and then walked out the theater to listen to Kanye's new CD on my iPhone.

Needless to say, my iPhone was the highlight of this movie going experience.

My Fellow Americans listen up- do not see this movie. For the love of god, do not see this movie. You will throw up, a lot, in your mouth, if you see this movie.

And nobody wants that.

The Trials and Tribulations of the Poor, Working Girl: Chapter 3

So, here's the latest trial of PWG.


Enjoy!


------------------------



In an ancient land far, far away there lived a poor, working girl. Her purpose: to take down the evil and vile Dragon and do away with its misery. But, in order to do this, she must endure many trials and tribulations. Will the poor, working girl accomplish her goal and save the ancient land from the Dragon’s enduring torture? We shall follow her and find out…

The Labyrinth

As Poor Working Girl (PWG) relishes in her recent victory over level 1 boss, Overzealous Security Guard, she is suddenly taken aback by a strange light and an equally strange voice.



???: “Don’t think you’re hot stuff. I have many bosses and many levels.”

PWG: “Who is that? The light is so bright…I can’t see…”

???: “Who is it?!? Uh, hello!?!?! It’s the Dragon, of course!”

PWG: “The Dragon!!!”

Dragon: “Yes, the Dragon. Didn’t I just say that?”

PWG: “Wow. Can’t believe I’m actually talking to the Dragon. This is kinda cool…”

Dragon: “Well, I imagine it is very cool for you. I mean, I am THE Dragon and… HEY! Quit that! You’re supposed to fear me!!”

PWG: “Fear you? You obviously don’t know who you’re dealing with do you? I’m Poor Working Girl! I fear no one…”


“Except for my creditors. Now, there’s a scary bunch, let me tell you…”



Dragon: “SILENCE! We will see what you’re made of! Take these magical forms to the Land of Travel Approval and we shall see how brave you really are!”

PWG: “Take some forms to the Land of Travel Approval?!? Are serious? Isn’t this a job for one your minions?”

Dragon: “NEWSFLASH: You are one of my minions! The Code of the Poor Working Girl is to infiltrate the Dragon’s organization from within. Duh!!!”

PWG: “Wait, wait, wait!”


“There’s a Code of the Poor Working Girl?”


Dragon: “Oh, this is just ridiculous! I mean, really! Who is your Ancient Asian Master? Hasn’t he taught you anything?”

PWG: “No, not really. I mainly just detail his car.”

Dragon: “Well, that sucks.”

PWG [rolling her eyes]: “Tell me about it!”

Dragon: “You know I kind of feel sorry for you, PWG- having a no good Ancient Asian Master and all. So, you know, I’m going to give you a hint on how to complete this trial.”

PWG: “Really? You know, I’m ‘bout it enough not to need any hints.”

Dragon: “Uhhh, hello? I’m doing you a favor. Do you want to wander aimlessly through the Land of Travel Approval or not?”

PWG: “Alright, what’s the hint?”

Dragon: “To get to the Land of Travel Approval, you must find the True Office Assistant.”

PWG: “The True Office Assistant? Who’s that?”

Dragon: “Well, it wouldn’t be a hint if I gave you the answer now would it?”

PWG: “I guess not…”

Dragon: “Find the True Office Assistant and you shall be well on your way to defeating me in a totally wicked cool, although not completely imagined in the head of our narrator, battle sequence!”

PWG: “AWESOME!”

Dragon: “Yeah, I know…”

PWG: “So, you think I can defeat you?”

Dragon: “No…no, I don’t.”

PWG: “Dang!”

Dragon: “But, I do like you kid. You’ve got moxey.”

PWG: “Thanx!”

Dragon: “Yeah, well, you’re welcome. But, don’t get too happy just yet. I doubt you’ll ever find the True Office Assistant. She’s really hidden down in the dumps. MU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Get it? Down in the dumps?”

PWG: “No.”

Dragon: “You will. MU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

PWG: “Are you done yet?”

Dragon: “Just one more- MU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

PWG: “Whatever.”



As Poor Working Girl turns to start her journey to the Land of Travel Approval, she realizes that this trial may be a bit more difficult than she initially realized. For in front of her are hundreds, if not thousands, of corridors. The path to the Land of Travel Approval is not a straight one. It is a dizzying maze...



A labyrinth.




Nice how I got the sub-title in there, huh?



PWG [communicating telepathically]: “Uhhh, Ancient Chinese Master, I could use some help. This labyrinth is pretty expansive. What should I do?”

Ancient Chinese Master (ACM): “Wait…I am meditating on the answer…”

PWG: “Okay.”

ACM: “SHHH!!! I’m meditating…”

PWG [whispering]: “…okay…”

ACM: “Yes! Yes! I’ve got it!!!”

PWG: “What is it?!? What should I do?!?!”

ACM: “Start…walking…”

PWG: “Yes…”

ACM: “That’s it. Start walking.”

PWG: “Start walking?”

ACM: “Yes.”

PWG: “Really?”

ACM: “Yes.”

PWG: “God, I hate you.”

ACM: “Hehehehe! It’s just so easy to mess with you!”



Well, having no other choice, Poor Working Girl starts walking through the labyrinth. She walks and walks through an endless maze of offices, cubicles, and obscenely bland meeting rooms. She keeps walking until she sees an open room emitting a strange, pulsating light.

Struck by curiosity, and also stupidity, Poor Working Girl goes inside the room. Immediately, she realizes what this place is.



PWG: “I know this place…”

Narrator: “Uh, yeah, I just said that.”

PWG: “Shut-up!!! You’re not supposed to be in a dialogue sequence! This is my show! Get to narrating!!!!”

Narrator: “God! You’re such a bi…”

PWG: “NARRATE!!!”

Narrator: “You know what? Just for your snappy attitude, I refuse to narrate until you apologize!”

PWG: “WHAT?!?!”

Narrator: “I’m on strike!”

PWG: “YOU CAN’T GO ON STRIKE!!! YOU CAN’T STOP A STORY IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHAPTER!!!”

Narrator: “Yeah, well, I’m tired and you are mean and so now I’m on strike!”

PWG: “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! MY STORY HAS BEEN ON HIATUS FOR MONTHS AND NOW, NOW, YOU CHOOSE TO GO ON STRIKE!!!”

Narrator: “APOLOGIZE!!!”

PWG: “NO!!!!”

Narrator [walking away]: “Fine. Then, I’m out. I got other stuff I gotta do anyways!”

PWG: “COME BACK HERE!!!”

Narrator [still walking]: “NO!”

PWG [screaming]: “FINISH MY STORY!!!!”

Narrator [getting into her car and driving away]: “LA-LA-LA-LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!”

PWG: “OH, THIS IS SOME [insert bad word]!!!!”



TO BE CONTINUED...



© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.