Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Trials and Tribulations of the Poor Working Girl: Chapter 3, Part 2

In an ancient land far, far away there lived a poor, working girl. Her purpose: to take down the evil and vile Dragon and do away with its misery. But, in order to do this, she must endure many trials and tribulations. Will the poor, working girl accomplish her goal and save the ancient land from the Dragon’s enduring torture? We shall follow her and find out…



The Labyrinth




When we last left Poor Working Girl she was being a brat to me, the Narrator. But, we have since resolved our differences…



Poor Working Girl (PWG): “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GROUNDED MY STORY FOR THREE MONTHS!!!”

Narrator: “Hey! Do you really want to go down this road again? I’ll stop right now!!”

PWG: “Fine! FINE!! I’M SORRY!!!”

Narrator: “Good. Now, where were we…Ah, yes!”



When we last left Poor Working Girl, before she became a brat, she had been commanded by The Dragon to take several forms to the Land of Travel Approval. However, in between Poor Working Girl and the Land of Travel Approval was a dizzying labyrinth. The only way for our heroine to get though this maze was to find the True Office Assistant who, according to the Dragon, is somewhere “down in the dumps.”


Search me, I have no idea where the writer is going with this either. Just that “down in the dumps” is an important clue or something.


Hey, I don’t ask. I just narrate.


Back to the story…


Poor Working Girl wondered if she had found the True Office Assistant as she entered a strange room emitting a pulsating light…



PWG [looks around]: “Geesh, this light is annoying! And this place is a mess! There’s random office supplies all over the floor. Who tore apart this room?”

???: “Hahahahaha!! She wonders who tore apart the room!!!”

PWG: “Who are you?”

???: “WHO AM I?!? Who am I? Oh, yes, I am…”

PWG [pointing to a huge beast]: “OH MY GOD!! Is that an Office-mon?!?”

???: “Yes! YES! It’s an Office-mon! It’s great! GREAT! I mean when it works! But, I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it!!!”

PWG: “So, what kind of Office-mon is this?”

???: “Oh, it’s a Xerox-achu. Yes, it’s pretty great. REALLY GREAT! A little temperamental though. It copies, scans, staples, collates. Likes to eat the paper you feed it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

PWG: “Uh-huh…Yeah, okay, umm I was looking for the True Office Assistant, but I’m getting a little sick of doing that, so I was wondering if you could help me?”

???: “Help? HELP?!?! I’m an EXCELLENT helper!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!”

PWG: “Oookay…so, can you get me through this labyrinth so I can get to the Land of Office Approval?”

???: “Sure! SURE!!! I can help! I can lead the way!! Follow MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”



As Poor Working Girl leaves with the random woman, she notices that this chick is a little…eccentric. But, no matter. If this lady was going to lead Poor Working Girl to the Land of Travel Approval, then Poor Working Girl would just have to deal with her weirdness.



PWG: “Hey, was that a health and wellness center we just passed?”

???: “Yes! YES!!! But, it’s closed now…CLOSED!!! The Dragon shut it down because healthcare is too expensive…EXPENSIVE!!!”

PWG: “That Dragon! He cares nothing for his minions!! When I defeat him I’m going to make sure…”

???: “HEHEHEHEHEHE, yes do make sure!!!”

PWG: “Huh?”

???: “So, where are you from?”

PWG: “Well, I was born in…”

???: “That’s nice. I’m from a horrible land called Ohio. Yup! YUP! So…what do you do?”

PWG: “I am the great…”

???: “Hehehehe, you won’t believe what I do…”

PWG: “Umm, I don’t know…fix Office-mons? What do you do?”

???: “HAHAHAHAHA!!! “Fix Office-mons.” You’re funny. So…what’s your name?”

PWG: “Well, my code name is PWG, but my real name is..”



And just then, right in the middle of PWG’s truly revealing sentence, the random woman stops walking. And her bright, intense smile disappears. Her face is completely stoic and she looks to be almost frozen in place.



PWG: “What is it? Why have we stopped? What’s wrong?”

???: “I just…I just realized that this is all so futile.”

PWG: “What? What is futile?”

??? [eyes begin to tear]: “Yes…it’s no use. Why go to the Land of Travel Approval? Why do anything? The Dragon will just win. It’s all just…just so hopeless…”

PWG: “Oh my God!!! Are you crying?!?! You were just okay a second ago!!”

“Okay, look, stop crying. It’s going to be okay. I’m here to help. I’m going to defeat the Dragon. All I need is for you to get me to the Land of Travel Approval. Okay?”

???: “Okay. Follow me…”



So, with the random woman calmed down the two travelers begin traversing the labyrinth again. As they are walking, PWG looks ahead and notices what looks to be the exit to the labyrinth. Upon closer inspection, however, she realizes that this is actually…



PWG: “What the bloody hell!?!?! Why did you bring me BACK to the Overzealous Security Guard’s station and the ENTRANCE of the Dragon’s Lair?!?!”

???: “I told you…it’s…so…futile…”

PWG: “C’mon snap out of it lady!!! I’ve got to get to the Land of Travel Approval and the people reading need to get on with the story!!!”

???: “Okay! LET’S GO!!!!”

PWG: “WHAZZA?!?!”

???: “C’mon silly!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! We’re wasting TIME!!!!!!!”

PWG: “My God! There is something very wrong with you.”



Sigh. So AGAIN, Poor Working Girl and Question Mark Lady walk their way through the maze. And while our own Poor Working Girl is not the smartest french fry in the happy meal, she’s still not blind. So, she knows something is up when she passes the Health and Wellness Center again.



PWG: “I’m going to kill you.”

???: “HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Isn’t it funny? I brought you back to the area where we met! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!”

PWG: “Dude! Why did you do this? What the freak is wrong with you?”

???[crying]: “Please…don’t…yell at meeeee…”

PWG: “Oh my God! Are you crying again?!? I so don’t get you! One minute you’re totally happy, almost manic. And, the next minute you’re completely down…in…the…dumps...”

“Oh. My. God.”


???: “Hehehehehehehe…”

PWG: “Oh. My. God.”

???: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

PWG: “You’re…you’re…”

???: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes, that’s right!! I’m the Level 2 Boss…”




“The Bipolar Office Assistant!!”



Bipolar Office Assistant (BPOA): “Isn’t it great that I am who I am?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

PWG: “No, it’s not great!”

BPOA: “I know…it’s awful…You’re doomed…I’m doomed…WE’RE ALL DOOMED!!!!”

PWG: “Awww, geez!! Okay, I need to think- how am I going to defeat her?”

Ancient Chinese Master [communicating telepathically]: “Do you want my advice?”

PWG: “No! You’re probably just going to tell me to stop making her crazy or something.”

Ancient Chinese Master: “Oh, yeah and that’s not the answer. I mean, what room just a few paces from here could help you make the BPOA sane? I mean, I just can’t figure it out. And neither can the people reading this.”

PWG: “I know! This is going to be tough one.”

Ancient Chinese Master: “God, you're an imbecile.”

PWG: “Wait…I got it!! Like a bolt of lightening, I’ve got it!!!”

Ancient Chinese Master: “Well, thank goodness for small miracles…”




And what exactly has Poor Working Girl figured out? Tune in next time to find out. Same Poor Working Girl time. Same Poor Working Girl station…



Okay, Wednesday! Wednesday this chapter will be finished!



Gawd! You guys are such slave masters, I mean really!







© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

1 Comments:

Blogger Karla said...

PWG sure does get herself into some mess.

Umm who else are we going to blame reese? You started this whole 80's thing.

6:59 PM  

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