Monday, August 07, 2006


Gator Alert

I think the children in my apartment building found a baby gator or something by the pond/stream/lake/swamp/rotting cesspool by the parking lot…

Kid 1: “Oh cool!!”

Kid 2: “Look at it!!”

Kid 3: “Awesome!”

Kid 4: “We gotta protect it!”

Reese: “Hey you dumb kids, what are you looking at?”

Kid 1: “Ohh….ummmm….nothing….”

Reese: “Nothing?”

Kid 2: “No, nothing. There’s…uh…nothing to see here.”

Reese: “Look you peanut heads, I used to teach second grade, you know?”

Kid 3: “You?!? You used to be a teacher?!?!”

Reese: “Yes, I used to be a teacher!!”

Kid 4: “Man, they let anyone be a teacher these days…”

Reese: “Excuse me! The point is that I used to be a teacher and I know when children are lying and you guys are lying!”

Kid 1: “Uhhhh…no we’re not…”

Reese: “Move! Let me see what’s over there!”

Kids [scream altogether]: “NO!!!”

Reese: “Ah-ha! So there is something there!!”

Kid 2: “Man, there ain’t nothing in there.”

Reese: “Lookie here you little demon-spawn, I have to wake up at 5 in the morning. I don’t want to come out here at night and have some gator attack me just because my parking spot is the closest to the death river over there. So if you saw some sort of dangerous reptile you need to let me know. I could really get hurt!”

Kids: [silent]

Reese [rolls eyes]: “Sigh. Fine, YOU could get in big trouble with your parents. Don’t forget I know where you live!”

Kids: [look at each other with concern]

Kid 1: “Look, Reese there isn’t anything over there. We swear!”

Kid 2: “Yeah, we swear man!”

Kid 3: “Totally swear!!”

Reese: “I do not believe you!”

Kid 4: “Look, Reese, it’s hot outside. You’re agitated and you’re letting your fear of lizards get the best of you…”

Reese: “I am not afraid of lizards! I KILL LIZARDS!!!!”

Kid 4: “Sure you do. So, why don’t you just go on home? There’s nothing to see here.”

Reese: “Mmm-hmmm…okay, you guys are lucky it’s hot outside. But, I’m gonna find out what’s over there and when I do, whatever it is, it’s going to DIE!!”

Kid 4: “Sure it is, Reese.”

Reese [rumbling under her breath as she walks away]: “…I am gonna kill it…I’m gonna smash whatever is over there…I’ll show them…”

On the real though…

Ya’ll I’m scared!!! I’m too young and beautiful to get eaten by a gator!!!

Pray for me.


Weird Dream

While my inner soul was screaming bloody terror at the idea that a gator may come knocking at my front door, my subconscious gave me a weird, but sorta cool dream to get me through the night.

Now, I don’t remember specifically how it all went down, but basically the dream started with me at work. I was busy typing or something when all of a sudden Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie busted into my office. Seriously!

Brad Pitt: “Reese the Law Girl, get out of that office and write various television and movie scripts for us!”

Angelina Jolie: “Yes, write screenplays for us.”

Reese: “Okay.”

Next thing I remember is we were on the red carpet and people were cheering for me. And then, I was really rich and had a mansion. And I became Maddox, Zahara, and Shilou’s Godmother or something. And then I married Jamie Foxx.

When I woke up I was like, “Wow, that was kind of a cool dream.” But then I was really bitter with my subconscious because I was like, “Dang, how you gonna give me a dream where I marry Jamie Foxx?!? I should be marrying Orlando Bloom, duh?!?!”

But, maybe it’s just me getting my “future telling” powers back and it wasn’t a dream, but the possible future. You know, like remember the time way back a long time ago when my bad tooth gave me dreams of the future and I saw my friend LQ getting married in an African wedding ceremony? Well you know that dream is coming true this October? I kid you not! Just like I saw it too! Well, minus the preggars part. Although another one of my friends is currently pregnant and will deliver near the time of LQ’s wedding, so maybe that was a spot on view of the future.

So anyways, I guess that’s a cool possible future. I like the rich part and hanging out with Brad and Angelina. I feel like I could do a little bit better than Jamie Foxx, though.



The Jets

Slowly breaking out of my “Jets Coma.”

But, not yet though.

Unfortunately for you, here’s another Jets video.

“You Got it All”- it’s a classic

© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

that's my favorite jets' song. thank you, thank you, thank you!!

7:41 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

I can't see any of these videos because they are blocked at work and I only get a quicktime icon on my screen at home. Boo.

Anyways, The way you were talking to those kids cracked me up. And call me gullible (everyone else does), but were you really a teacher? I don't believe it, but I just have to ask.

And I'm praying for you, girl. Unless that gator can bring the funny in your absence, he can't eat you.

7:08 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

S/C/W: You're welcome! I love "You Got it All," but "Make it Real" is the song that makes me shed a tear. :_(

Jomama: Oh, the children and I have a long relationship of hostility. I should write more about them, but they irritate me so that I try not to think about my daily encounters with them. ;)

To answer your question, yes it is true I was a second grade teacher for a brief moment in time. I've always said I was going to write about that, but I'm afraid that the police will read my stories and arrest me for child abuse. ;)

Just kidding, of course.

About the child abuse part, not the teacher part. I really did used to teach. :)

8:13 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Those kids are gonna become your rivals in the war against the lizards.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

i'm praying for you as well. watch out for those crazy kids.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Haven't been around in a long time, but sooo good to come back to the Jets! LOVE them! ;-)

Hope all is well!

1:11 PM  

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