Monday, August 21, 2006

Reverse Politics

Lisa: “Yeah, so that was a great episode of 30 Days. But, I still don’t get why people think creationism and evolution should be taught together.”

Reese: “Well, yeah, I mean obviously teaching creationism in school is a violation of church and state…”

Lisa: “Yeah!”

Reese: “And seeing as how there’s a simple solution to this problem that makes everyone happy, I just don’t see what the big deal is.”

Lisa: “What’s the simple solution?”

Reese: “Well, evolution is usually taught in Biology. Biology, not being a course that is necessary to the state’s interest in producing fully functional citizens, can be skipped by those who find it to conflict with their religious beliefs.”

Lisa: “WHAT?!?!”

Reese: “Well, when I was in school**, Biology was not a mandatory course. It was an elective. And although we had to complete 3 years of science, it was up to us which science courses we selected. While the school system recommended Biology on the science track, for those who wanted to they could skip that class and move on to Chemistry or something else. Usually, the kids in our school who did that were those whose parents found the teaching of evolution against their religion.”

Lisa: “OH MY GOD!!! THAT’S CRAZY!!!”

Reese: “Why is that crazy?”

Lisa: “Just because you disagree with something, doesn’t mean you should be able to skip it!!!”

Reese: “I think you misunderstand- this was not about disagreeing with a theory. Those who skipped Biology actually believed that learning about evolution violated their religious beliefs. Of course, seeing as how we’re a country whose constitution allows for freedom of religious expression, those students went on to other science courses like chemistry, physics, or geology.”

Lisa: “OH MY GOD!!! I THINK THAT’S NUTS!!!”

Reese: “Why is that nuts?”

Lisa: “Where do you draw the line? What if someone thinks their kid shouldn’t learn how to read because reading is witchcraft? What then?”

Reese: “Oh come on, Lisa! You’re a lawyer! You know what the standard is for constitutional violations!”

“In this scenario, if someone thought reading was witchcraft then the state must have a rational interest for ignoring the “anti-reading” individual and violating that person’s freedom of religious expression. And certainly, the state has a rational and legitimate interest in making sure its citizens learn how to read!”


Lisa: “Whatever!!!”

Reese: “The same cannot be said for Biology. A person can be a fully functional and successful adult without ever learning evolution in Biology. In fact, I know several people who skipped Biology and are great people. Successful people! In fact, they make more money than me…”

Lisa: “Phsssttt!!”

Reese: “Hmmm….maybe I should have skipped Biology…”

Lisa: “Well, in Georgia we don’t have such things. Biology is required and you have to take it no matter what!!”

Reese: “Well, Maryland is not like that. Maryland actually abides by the constitution…”

Lisa: “NO! Maryland is just some tree-hugging…”

Reese: “Tree-hugging?”

Lisa: “…excessively liberal state where everyone cares about everyone else’s feeeeelinnnnggggssss…”

Reese: “Feelings?”

Lisa: “…and where everyone gets in a circle and sings Kumbaya…”

Reese: “Kumbaya?”

Lisa: “…and smokes dope and says things like “Peace and love, man. Peace and loooovvveeee.”

Reese: “I see.”

Lisa: “In Georgia when we tell you to learn evolution you better do it! NO KUMBAYA!!!!”

Reese: “Well, that’s interesting, Lisa.”

Lisa: “It’s not interesting. It’s the way it should be!!”

Reese: “You know, Lisa, all this talk about “tree-hugging liberals singing kumbaya” kind of disturbs me.”

Lisa: “What do you mean?”

Reese: “Well, I’m just saying…don’t bite my head off or anything…”

Lisa: “Yeah?”

Reese: “But, you sound a little bit like…”




“Anne Coulter.”




Lisa: “What. Did. You. Say…”

Reese: “Well, I mean, when you start calling people “tree-hugging liberals” who sing “kumbaya,” for upholding the constitution, I mean you kind of sound like…”





“Anne Coulter.”






Lisa: “Reese the Law Girl…”

Reese: “Yeah?”

Lisa: “YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!”

Reese: “What?!?!”

Lisa: “I cannot believe you called me Anne Coulter!!!!”

Reese: “Well, technically, I didn’t call you Anne Coulter…”

Lisa: “YOU CALLED ME ANNE COULTER!!!!”

Reese: “I said you sound like…”

Lisa: “TAKE IT BACK!!! TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!”

Reese: “NO!!!! IT’S MY RESPONSIBILITY AS A FRIEND TO CHECK MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY START SOUNDING LIKE ANNE COULTER!!!!”

Lisa: “I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN UNLESS YOU TAKE IT BACK!!!”

Reese: “NO!!!!!!!!!!”

Lisa: “CALL ME CRAZY!! CALL ME A REPBULICAN!! CALL ME A CONSERVATIVE NAZI!!! BUT DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME ANNE COULTER!!!”

Reese: “I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANNE COULTER, I SAID YOU SOUNDED LIKE ANNE COULTER!!!

Lisa: “TAKE IT BACK!!!”

Reese: “NO! If I don’t check you now next thing I know you’ll be talking about the church of liberalism and how Hurricane Katrina victims have stifled the discussion on hurricanes because they ONLY lost everything and anyone they cared about!”

Lisa: “Listen to me. Our friendship hangs in the balance. I SWEAR FOR GOD..."

Reese: "Ohhhhh!! Now you call on God!"

Lisa: "...if you don’t take that back I will NEVER speak to you again.”

Reese: [sighing]

Lisa: “TAKE IT BACK!!!”

Reese: “Alright, alright…”

“I’m sorry I said you sounded like Anne Coulter.”

“There! You happy?”


Lisa: “Yes. Now we’re friends again.”

Reese: “Suuurrreee. Whatever you say, Annie…”

Lisa: “WHAT?!?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!”

Reese: “Nothing! I didn’t say anything!”

Lisa: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Reese [inside her head]: “She sure did sound like Anne Coulter though…”





**For perspective on Reese’s education, the high school Reese graduated from is ranked in the top 5% of all high schools in the nation.**




© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

11 Comments:

Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Biology was required in my high school.

For some perspective on my education, the state is now threatening to close the high school I went to because only 48% of students are able to get passing grades on the no child left behind tests.

To be fair to the school, though... the city decided to go into this whole "magnet school" thing where they try to get diverse student populations by making schools specialize in some subject or another to encourage attendance. They made a bunch of the schools around my old school into magnet schools. Then, they took all the leftover kids who were too stupid, mean, contrary or lazy to cut it in the magnet school, and put them ALL into my old high school.

Now, they are all "Why are the scores for this school so low? It must be bad teachers!"

Skipping biology does seem like a good compromise on the whole evolution thing. Heck, the only thing I remember from HS biology as that the frogs they forced us to disect smelled really bad.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Then, they took all the leftover kids who were too stupid, mean, contrary or lazy to cut it in the magnet school, and put them ALL into my old high school.

Now, they are all "Why are the scores for this school so low? It must be bad teachers!"



This made me laugh out loud.

How you gonna play the slow kids like that, Girlie? That ain't right! ;)

What I Remember from Biology: osmosis, uhhh....shoot, I don't even remember evolution! ;)

8:41 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Friends don't let friends sound like Coulter.

Here's an interesting fact. I missed a whole bunch of my biology labs my Freshman Year at Morgan. One day I was going over my schedule and I asked myself, "Self...huh...why does it say biology on friday at 9am" Needless to say when I went to check it out of course I was late so the whole class turned to watch me walk into biology several classes too late.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

That all makes sense to me. I would like to think that most parents wouldn't deny their children the opportunity to learn about other points of view, but I'm not so sure I would be happy if the tables were turned and all they taught was creationism.

Then again, I couldn't believe it when some parents wouldn't let their kids take sex ed. How stupid!

10:56 AM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

LIES!!!!!!!
Ok we really had most of this conversation but she really makes herself seem all calm and reasonable when she was NOT!
And she makes me seem all crazy and illogical when I made valid points. Ths whole thing was the later half of the conversation.

But I'll tell you the truth the part after she called me ann coulter was almost word for word.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Lisa:

Boooo, trick, booooo!!!

You know the truth! Don't deny the Kumbaya! Don't deny it!! ;p~~~

12:25 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

I won't deny the Kumbya (though I was joking. I am more liberal then Reese) But I do some of the other stuff.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Booo, trick, booooo!!!

It only became a joke AFTER I called you Anne Coulter. Boooo!!!

You crossed the line, "Lisa." You should be thankful that I care enough about you to bring you out of the dark side. ;)

Lol!!

12:29 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Ha! I must have attended the "old high school" Girl I Use to Know!

1:42 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

I can think of little more offensive than being called Coulter (or sounding like her).

Biology was an elective at our school as well. Science was required, but you could get by with "Earth Studies", which was taught by Wavy Gravy.

I don't recall evolution being a big part of biology class. I think far more important is keeping creationism out of grade schools. If the kids don't have critical thinking skills by the time that they are in highschool, it really doesn't matter what they're taught.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

Biology was required when I was in high school (I went to three high schools in CA and 1 in VA). I don't remember learning anything about evolution in school (took bio in CA). I never heard mention of evolution in a classroom until I took Anthropology in college.

12:25 PM  

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