Monday, May 22, 2006

Quarter Life Crisis

People are really getting on my nerves.


The wallpaper on my laptop, Vicky3, is this picture…








This picture is of me, age four, and my mother. For some reason, though, when people come into my office they all say the same thing…



Random Person: “Ohh! Is that your daughter?”

Reese [with attitude]: “What?”

Random Person: “Ohhhh! Your daughter is sooo cute!”

Reese [still with attitude]: “What?”

Random Person: “And you look lovely in this picture! I love the hat. It’s classic!”

Reese: “That is not my daughter! That child is me! ME! When I was four! That woman is my mother! My MOTHER!”

Random Person: “Get out! Oh, wow! You were so cute…”

Reese: “What, you think I’m old enough to have a child?”

Random Person: “You look just like your mother!”

Reese: “Excuse me? But, do you think I look like a mother?”

Random Person: “Your mother is beautiful. Tell her I said that. Okay, well see you later.”

Reese: “I AM NOT A MOTHER!!!!”



You do not know how many times I have had this discussion. And not just about this picture. For some reason, as I get ever closer to the dreaded three-zero, everyone thinks that I am supposed to be married with kids or something.



Bank Teller: “Thank you Mrs. Law Girl…”

Reese: “Miss Law Girl…”

Bank Teller: “And, Happy Mother’s Day!”

Reese [with attitude]: “What?”

Bank Teller: “I’m sure your husband has something great planned for you!”

Reese: “I AM NOT A MOTHER! I AM NOT A WIFE!”

Bank Teller: “See you next time, Mrs. Law Girl!”



I really don’t appreciate this assumption. I mean, do I look like I have children?



Scratch that, don’t answer it.



At the very least, people should know that I am way too young to have children. Tell me, does this look like the face of a woman with children?









More like the face of a woman who would chase children into her ginger bread oven.


And that’s what is important to remember. I do not look like a mother because I am too young to have children, and husbands, and responsibilities. Right now, my biggest responsibility is figuring out if I’m going to upgrade my cell phone to a RAZR or a SLVR. I don’t know nothing about birthing no babies!



Unfortunately for me, my friends did not seem to get the memo that we are not supposed to have families that we have to take care of. For example, one friend of mine, who shall not be named, is preggers. In light of this development, I recently found out that I have to throw her a baby shower because I am her friend.


I mean really?!?!




Lisa: “Man, I can’t believe it! Pretty soon, we’re going to be non-blood related aunties!”

Reese [with attitude]: “What?”

Lisa: “Yeah, and now we have to throw her a baby shower.”

Reese: “WE DO?!?!”

Lisa: “Yes…”

Reese: “Why?”

Lisa: “Because our FRIEND is having a BABY and so it is our RESPONSIBILITY to throw her a BABY SHOWER to CELEBRATE the birth of her BABY!”

Reese: “Are you serious?”

Lisa: “Are you retarded?”

Reese: “Okay, I have been to baby showers, but I have never planned one. We really have to do this? Aren’t we too young for such an undertaking?”

Lisa: “What is your problem?!?”

Reese: “I just don’t understand all of this stuff people are doing these days. Getting married, having babies, planning mutual-CD-stock-bond-funds and the like. What is going on?!?”

Lisa: “Well, basically, people are not stunted mentally like you and have decided to grow up.”

Reese: “I’m growing up. I mean, I have a second checking account and I now actually keep my check register current…”

Lisa: “Wow…”

Reese: “But, I just think we’re too young for this. Aren’t we too young for this?”

Lisa: “No, you’re just retarded, basically.”

Reese: “I’M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!”

Lisa: “Our friend is having the baby and you’re the one freaking out. Amazing.”

Reese: “I CAN’T HANDLE A BABY!”



The whole world has gone insane. Since when did we start expecting young people like myself to have children? It’s just not right! Personally, I think it’s the reason why the teenagers are having babies. I mean, when they see that people expect a young person such as me to have babies, then they naturally assume that they should have babies too…



Teenager: “Oh my gawd! If people think someone as young and lovely as Reese is supposed to have children, then I should be trying to get pregnant right this minute! It’s what’s expected of me, isn’t it?”




You see?!? You see?!? All of you people’s baby/husband talk about me is single-handedly increasing the nation’s teenage pregnancy rate! For this reason alone, we must stop all the talk about Reese having babies.



Stop the madness people! Recognize my “youthful intelligence!”



And leave the baby-making to the old ladies!




© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

12 Comments:

Blogger Karla said...

I know what you mean, i hear the same thing all the time drives me crazy.

I have done the whole giving someone a baby shower thing so if you need help let me know.

LOL about the whole nation’s teenage pregnancy rate...hilarious.

9:05 PM  
Blogger jeopardygirl said...

Reese, if you're 25, you're "old enough" to have a husband and children--but it doesn't mean you have to.

My family breeds like a bunch of rabbits, except I must not be one of the rabbits. I must be some other kind of furry little rodent, like a squirrel or a chipmunk. I haven't had kids yet, and in my family, that's like saying you've never watched television.

Just remember this: you wouldn't jump off a bridge just because your friends were doing it, so don't sweat it. Your path is your path alone.

6:56 AM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Heh... you know if it were Brad asking you, you'd be lining up to jump on that Baby bandwagon!!!

But, don't let the world pressure you! I've been married going on ten years. No kids, no plans for 'em either. I'll leave the breeding to my sisters (and they do, by golly).

7:44 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

When I see people from school the first question they ask is how many kids I have...I can't tell you how many times I've explained that despite being a young black man...I do know how a condom works and I am in no way affiliated with Child Support Enforcment. The closest I came was working for them.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Hahahahaha!!! Old ladies indeed....

I was 27 when I had my first and that was plenty young!! I don't know how anyone younger than 30 is ready to handle the whole baby situation.

My older sister and her husband have decided not to have kids, and I am shocked at how many people give her such a hard time about it. Makes me want to kick some butt!

12:05 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Ok wow. Calm down girl! I think I have Lisas back on this one. You definately need to throw the baby shower. Everyone goes at their own pace girl! Its ok!!!

When do we find out what happened w/ Lisa and Mike dear????

2:09 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

Ah, but you left out the important part: What does your mother think?

5:20 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Lisa and Mike coming soon, Dez. :)

Kom:

Ha! What my mother thinks will probably be my next post. ;)

2:43 PM  
Blogger prosine said...

Ok, I didn't have time to read ALL this! LOL! But, I wanted to ask you if you would mind me putting a feed to your blog up? It's really funny :)

9:21 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

OK, you're mad because you're not a cute kid?
No...you' remad because you're mom is pretty,a dn people think because YOU'RE pretty that you are your mom.

NO....um...you mad because you're cute and/or pretty like a kid and /or mom.

No...you're mad because people assume that because you're pretty (like your mom) that you have a cute kid and are married......

wait...why are you mad?

I got confused half way through this post. Lemme go back and start over.

No joke.....my word verification thing was: MILFYM

Just remember it was your BLOG that called you a MILF not ME!
:P

1:44 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Prosine, I totally just read your comment. Sure, you can do the feed thing. Of course, I don't really know what a feed is, but it sounds cool to me. Go for it. ;)

6:23 PM  
Blogger Toya De. said...

Uncool Reese...very uncool...

10:55 AM  

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