Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The List

I apologize in advance for this post.

It’s not my usual kind of thing.

But, the following people and/or entities have been really pissing me off lately.

And, seeing as how this is my blog, I am now venting my frustration here as my friends do not want to hear me piss on about people anymore.

Black People

Black people have really been pissing me off lately. I think it all started a few years ago with Bill Cosby and his crazy @$$. But, it continued with the Three Six Mafia win at the Oscars. And has spread to a debate about the term “African-American” and appropriate “speech.”

Black people…

You suck!

Not every black person is on drugs, robbing the blind, killing their girlfriends, calling each other the “n” word, or speaking a foreign language you like to call “ebonics.”

99% of us are not embarrassing you and/or too stupid to take care of ourselves or families if we have them.

If you believe black people are “embarrassing you,” you are uppity and need to go away.

Go join the KKK- they would like your type of thinking.

Of course, you may not live much longer once you walk through their doors, but at least you would be with “your kind.”

So please, for the love of God, go away and leave me alone.

I don’t support your cause.

South Florida

South Florida…

You are a third world country.

I apologize in advance for offending third world countries. I’m sorry.

South Florida, for some reason you do not believe that your citizens and “visitors” have to comply with the laws of the United States of America. This has led to the whole region being full of hustlers and con artists.

If you would like to be a region whose only laws are those that dictate the black market, I propose that you secede from the United States. You can have your own little country and do whatever you see fit. That would be better then perpetrating like you are open to, oh I don’t know, enforcing the U.S. Constitution and/or common law.

Also, you are hot and full of hurricanes. So, the rest of the country won’t be upset about losing you.

So, please, go away and let me leave.

People who Hate Brittany Spears

You’ve gone too far!

You made the girl cry.

All is fair in celebrity teasing until you make someone cry.

Putting the baby in the car seat backwards is an innocent mistake…

Sort of…

Well, it’s a mistake I would make if I was not up on how to not kill babies.

The point is she’s doing her best. Anyone could almost drop their baby on its head. Some of you were probably dropped on your heads. And you still love your parents, right?

Okay, okay, so you don’t love your parents. But, that’s not Brittany’s fault.

Cut the girl some slack.


Tyra Banks

You are one retarded be-otch.

The sad thing is, I used to think you were really cool. I thought you were going to be the one who changed the fashion industry’s retarded weight standards and, at the same time, become my generation’s next Oprah. Instead, you’ve developed into a brat and I really don’t like you.

Newsflash Ms. Banks: A southern accent is not speaking “black” or “hood.”

It’s a Southern accent!

White people have Southern accents!

If a white model had a Southern accent, you would think it’s endearing. But a black girl has a Southern accent and she is retarded.

You suck.

Also, you are a hypocrite.

How can you tell young women, including the models on your stupid show, to be themselves and then tell them that they have to look, speak, and talk like everyone else?

How can you tell a prospective model that her pictures look like she’s “dancing,” and then yell at her for taking a picture that doesn’t look like she’s “dancing” when she stopped taking “dancing” pictures because you told her not to?

I mean, you’re so confusing that I don’t even understand what I just wrote explaining your confusing statements.

You need help. Please seek it out.

Oprah Winfrey

Dammit, Oprah!

You could have invited me to the Legend’s Ball. I’m a legend!

Or at least one day, I will be…

Or hope to be…

The point is, I should have been in that room with all those greats. I could have sat next to Janet and learned “the secret” to losing weight in 5 minutes! But, oh no, I’m not famous and rich enough to have my own personal waiter serve me expensive food and get drop diamond earrings and sing with Patti LaBelle.

One day, you will pay for your insolence, Oprah!

One day…


You @$$%&*$#!!!

I work in this building for crying out loud!

You do not get to yell at me because I ruined your shot of the sun coming up over the bay.


Are you going to pay me for not showing up to work?!?! Huh? Huh? Are you? Are you?

I didn’t think so!

So, the next time you want “quiet on the set” so you can get “the perfect shot of the sun coming up,” make sure you compensate me adequately so that the elevator I’m riding on to take me to my office to collect my day’s wages doesn’t “ding” and disrupt your filming.

Also, I would be happy to have you speak with my mother regarding my safety, health (read: “Did you lose any weight, Reese?”), and/or career prospects. That way, I wouldn’t disturb your precious quiet by talking on the cell phone with my mother while you are filming your precious, precious sunset.

Right now, I’m just screaming a list of obscenities at you. I want you to know that.


Don’t think you are safe from my wrath.

At any time, I could add you to this list.

You are not safe…

I’m watching you…

© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger Desiree said...

Ooook. Wow. I was really saddened to see you don't like Tyra. I guess I can understand why though.

Ha! You coulda sat with Mariah too, HELLO! Psh.

Oh, Yeah, I'm with you on the Britney Haters too. Poor freakin' Brit. Leave her alone already. Geez.

Um. I don't like you cause you had lunch with MY friend FIRST Caro. By the way, did she actually TALK around you, or did she just HUM?

(haha Caro!!!)

2:17 PM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Weeeee Haw.... Tell It!

Oh for the love of god, now I wuld like to say I hate blogger... would you look at this verifications string I have to


How long do these have to be? It's almost longer than my comment!

3:30 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

wow there was a lot of anger there

6:30 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

Oprah forgot to invite me as well. I am still mad at her for that one still.

11:11 PM  
Blogger derek said...

Wow...Reese is getting her gib on with her LawGirl Railgun of Bitter Truth.

Black people are pissing me off too. Now, I love who I am, don't get it twisted but it seems like black folks give even less room for self-exploration and self-expression than anyone else. It's pretty sad, really.

As far as Brittney goes? I think people do need to get off of her ass because every parent messes up. I have, my parents did. We are happens.

I had a similar thing go on. They were shooting some of Spiderman 3 in Downtown Cleveland which threw some people for a transportation loop. What fun...

12:22 PM  

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