Wednesday, April 12, 2006

An Open Letter to Janet Jackson

Dear Janet (sorry, I'm not nasty),


You have always been one of my favorite entertainers. I have been to 2 of your concerts. I have all of your CD's. I supported you vehemently during that whole "wardrobe malfunction." And, I will buy your new CD when it comes out later this year.


Janet, a lot of people (stupid people) have been obsessed about your weight recently. Since "Damita Jo" you've been chilling and seemed to pack on some weight. Some people wondered if you would be able to lose all the weight and get into what I like to call your "CD is now out Body." I, for one, never doubted you. That's why I wasn't necessarily surprised when I saw this latest picture which basically shows what you look liked before you started working out, in the middle of your workout regiment, and towards the end of your workout regiment...

















What amazes me, Janet, is that you were able to do this so fast. I mean, the first picture was taken like, I don't know, last week! And already, you are fit and slim. And, despite people's silly rumors, no one can liposuction out that much fat. Nor can someone take out a rib and lose 75 pounds. So, really, I only have one thing to say about all of this...




Teach me, 'O Wise One!




Please, for the love of god, teach me how you do this!!!!!!!!



Tell me your secrets 'O masterful one. As one of your biggest fans, I know I deserve to know the answer!!!




What? Do you want me to beg? Fine, I'll beg...



PLEASE JANET, PLEASE!!!!! TEACH ME!!!! TEACH ME YOUR SECRET!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!





PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Reese the Law Girl


13 Comments:

Blogger Jessica R. said...

HAHA -"Dear Janet (sorry, I'm not nasty)"
why are you soooo funny??!!!

I saw the pic yesterday - I think it was harder for me to believe she'd "plumped up" so fast. I love Janet as well - I always said I wish I was her or i'd marry her (even though i'm not lesbo) She's amazing. My Boyfriend made an interesting point - he thinks she had surgery - so then my mind started working and I came up with this answer:
She gained so much weight so she could get the gastric bypass as a permanent fix to shrinking her stomach? No? I dont know - i mean I eat bad - really bad...and rarely workout but I couldn't balloon up like she has.

Reese - if you hear her secrets - you better share them woman. Although I think her secrets deal with having lots of money for a personal trainer/chef etc...

7:54 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I the first pic she's really the same size as the second pic, she's just got on baggy clothes. So really, she just had to go from the second pic to the last. Which is still impressive.
I THINK, what she does, is eat those vegamabulls(?) and does that exercise stuff.
I'd do that, but those weights....they just weigh SO much.
Anyone can do it, you just have to WANT it bad enough.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

The thing is...that's her job. Like I do case notes or someone at McDonalds cooks fries. Maintaining her appearance is part of her "job" so she didn't have to go to the office from 9 - 5 and then try and work-out. All she really has to do now is work out, maybe spending some time in the studio...she's not making stops in public (events etc.). Damn the secret give me that kind of schedule!

9:20 AM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

you have to be super big for gastric surgery. over 100 pounds over weight. She used good ole fashion exercise. And thats why I'll never be slim.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

I agree with amadeo. It's her JOB to look good, what the hell else does she have to do but spend her millions on a chef, and a personal trainer. Yeah. It would be stupid if she couldn't get back into shape. Or lazy. Like Britney. Funny post Reese =)

5:16 PM  
Blogger ByeBye said...

LOL you are too much ... Janet is the only one next to Oprah and Star that could lose weight in a blink of an eye.... I heard that love add the extra flesh to one's body. I love that extra flesh, just more to love so stop asking Janet about her secret, Reesey.

8:32 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

LOL, girl you crack me up. You are too funny. I have to say i agree with J, as well as amadeo. She has the time and money to lose or gain as much weight as she wants, but if i am wrong and there is a "secret" behind all of this please share it with us.

9:27 AM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Janet is rich.

Janet has a personal chef.

Janet has a personal trainer.

Janet has 8 hours each day to devote to working out and getting it all back together.

Bitch.

No, now really, that's not fair, I'm just jealous!

BTW... (sorry, I'm not nasty) ... funniest thing I've read all day.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

i wish it were my job to look good. that's be SWEET.

ps.
the finale song that we're doing for my dance show on the 29th is a compliation hip hop number, and it's amazing. the last song is "All Night(Don't Stop".....it's super fun and sexy and i love it.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

That's a great post! Thise oictures are a bit frightening. I wonder if that's actually her? I'm sure anyone can buy her nose nowadays........

10:41 AM  
Blogger Juicy77 said...

Her Secret: Millions to pay a live-in chef, dietician, and personal trainer. And, as amadeo pointed out, the fact that her butt isn't glued to an office chair from 9 to 5. Ah, the life of stars.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Sins of the Flesh said...

What happened to Janet??

9:46 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Sins: Thanx for stopping by!

I don't know what kind of metamorphosis Janet has been going through. It's an amazing one though. I'm still trying to figure it out myself. ;)

7:56 AM  

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