Monday, September 19, 2005

A Hurricane's A Comin'!!!



This is not to be confused with an SOS I may issue after tomorrow.

So, some be-otch named Rita has decided to come and threaten my life. I’m not really surprised- I have a lot of enemies. But, this has to be the most dangerous enemy I’ve had to date.

On the plus side, having Rita as an enemy got me out of work early today (1:30pm- Yea!!).

On the other hand…


Okay, I’m not going to panic. I am totally prepared for Rita. I went and got some gas (HAHA!! to all you suckers who are getting gas now- there ain’t none left!!!).

Then I went to Cingular and got a car charger for my cell phone. So, if I lose electricity, I can use my car to charge my phone.

I know, I’m brilliant.

Then, I went to the grocery store.


This was such a pain. First of all, there were a ton of people there! It was like a mad house. I don’t know why people think that civilization ends after being abandoned by the government after a hurricane hits. Seriously, civilization ends during the hurricane watch…

Random Grocery-Store Customer #1: “Get the hell off my ice!!!”

Random Grocery-Store Customer #2: “THAT’S MY #$%&*@! ICE!!!!!!”


Yea, so far, it’s not looking good for civilization people.

So, the second pain of going to the grocery store is the fact that I didn’t have a clue as to what to buy. So, naturally, instead of calling my new friends in Miami, I called “Lisa”…

Reese: “Dude, what am I supposed to buy for food?”

Lisa: “Oh, #$%&!!! I can’t believe how much U-haul is charging for a rental truck!!!!”

Reese: “Ummm, hello? Impending doom about to hit Reese’s backyard- I could use some advice…”

Lisa: “$%&*@#$ cheating bastards!!!”

Reese: “You know what? You’re no help at all.”

Lisa: “What? Did you say something?”

Yea, so this is what I bought at the grocery store. I think I’m well prepared…


1 Large Case of 24 Individual Bottles of Water

3 Cans of Publix Chicken & Dumplings Soup

2 Cans of Progressive Chicken & Wild Rice Soup

2 Cans of Progressive Steak & Noodles Soup

2 Boxes of Publix Saltines

1 Bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing

1 Package of Vrootman Zeer-ohs (that’s like Oreos, but no Trans-fat or Sugar- mmmm, yummy, I know)

1 Package of Vrootman Chocolate Chip Cookies (also no Trans-fat or Sugar- no one can say I wasn’t TRYING to eat healthy during the hurricane)

1 Package of Caramel Rice Cakes (this is another purchase that makes me feel like I’m doing a good job eating healthy)

1 Case of Green Apple Smirnoff (the way I figure it, the power is going to go out, so I’m going to need some entertainment- namely, me losing my sobriety)

1 Large First-Aid Kit (for whatever happens to me as a result of drinking a case of Smirnoff)

Alright, so I am ready.

Hopefully, the hurricane won’t come.

But, if she does…

Pray for me, ya’ll.

© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger KOM said...

So do you eat the ranch with the soup or the ricecakes? Either way, I'm disturbed.

Didn't you know that this is "speak like a pirate day?" I think you meant grog, not green apple Smirnoff.

5:36 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Actually, the ranch dressing is for the carrots that I already had in my fridge.

But, as a stand alone item to purchase, yes, it is disturbing.



Whatever. ;p~~~

5:49 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I KNEW you were smart Reese!
I was reading your list and I'm goin "Where the hell's the booze? How come nobody ever buys boo....ah, there we go!"

I couldn't help but notice no Spam on the list though, this could be bad.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Are you kidding me, J? The booze was the first thing I got! I ran in the grocery store and I was like, "I gotta get to the Smirnoff before everyone else does!"

Lucky for me, there was plenty of Smirnoff left. I don't know what's wrong with people stocking up on eggs and bread. The Smirnoff is what's going to make the time pass. ;)

8:16 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

I hope your mansion holds up in the hurricane. What a way to start your new life in Miami.

Vrootman. hee hee. You should say that over and over again while you're drunk. That'll pass the time.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Sounds like some pretty decent grocery store purchases... especially the Smirnoff!

Take care, be safe! Keep us posted, if you can!

9:25 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

I agree with J while i was ready i kept wondering where the booze was. Take Care Reese and let us know what happens

9:42 AM  
Blogger anika said...

A case of Smirnoff, that's great!

(I think that should be the first to be consumed)

myjbs: Russian for 'there's a hurricane coming, get the hell off my jelly beans!'

11:42 AM  
Blogger Brother Kojak said...

A case of Green Apple Smirnoff??? Are you for real?? I didnt even know you can buy a case of that.

11:07 PM  

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