Wednesday, June 01, 2005

My Desert Adventure: Part 1

Day -1

Today I finished all of my shopping for my trip to the desert. I think I bought too many clothes. The total number of outfits compared to the number of days I will be in the desert doesn’t add up.


Oh, well. At least I’ll look cute when I get back home.

I also stopped by the comic book store before I left so that I could have something to read on the plane…

Okay, fine. It was so I could check out Cute Comic Book Guy again. Unfortunately, his stupid butt wasn’t there. Some non-Dweezil Zappa/Luke Perry/James Dean comic book guys were there. It really sucks that he wasn’t there because I made sure I looked good too. I mean, he should know to be at the store, when I’m at the store! What a dorkus!

Day 1

So, my sister, my mom, and I all arrived in the desert today. It’s really bright here. I’m not sure my sensitive east coast eyes can take all of this sun.

So, anyways, CC and I are sitting in the airport waiting for my mom to get her bags and we notice something- there are no Black people out here in the desert. I mean, like hardly any! It’s amazing! I’ve never been anywhere where there were no Black people. It’s like the twilight zone or something. Scary.

Anyways, because CC and I are juvenile idiots, we decided to count how many Black people we see throughout the day. It’s about noon, and we’ve counted 6.

After getting the rental car, we did some sightseeing. We went to Old Town and it was very cute. We ate at the Church Street Café and the food was excellente (Oooh, wow! I’ve been here 2 hours and my 7th grade Spanish is already coming back!).

At the café, we met our 6th Black person. She’s our waitress and told us about all the sights we should see. Then, for some reason, she starts mentioning that she has sons. Then, she wants me and my sister to meet her sons. I get the strange feeling she’s trying to pimp her sons to the only young Black girls she’s ever seen in the desert. I’m so not down for random blind dates, so CC and I take a pass on that one.

Anyways, after lunch, we go shopping around Old Town. CC and my mom spend way too much money on tourist stuff. We buy some ice cream and candy apples and then watch two men in their 50’s have a fist fight outside of a T-shirt store. Something about disrespecting someone else’s honor or something. It was fascinating! I haven’t seen a real good fist fight in a while. Mainly because back home, we use guns to solve disputes. Anyways, the fight was really entertaining. I wanted to come back to Old Town to watch some more fights, but I never got the chance.

Day 2

Well, today I officially joined a gang. Our territory? The Hyatt Tamaya. But, I’ll get back to that story later.

This morning we woke up early and took a mini-road trip to the Acoma Reservation way, way, way out in the desert. I was really psyched because the Acoma have a casino and I just KNEW that I was going to meet Jacob Blackhawk today. Thus, I made sure I looked EXTRA cute. I had on my very sweet Lenny Kravitz T-shirt, some dark denim crop pants that are so cool because they actually make me look like I have J-Lo booty, and I put my hair in 2 Pocahontas type pig tails. I looked so good, ya’ll. I mean really, I did.

Anyways, so we’re driving through the Rez (yea, that’s Native slang I picked up in the desert) trying to find the main registration building so we could sign up to take the tour. As we’re driving we see all of these beautiful rock formations. We just have to get a picture. Only, we notice this big as life sign up that forbids tourists from taking pictures of anything on the reservation without a camera license. Something about disturbing the spirits and/or disrespecting the Acoma people or something. Of course, this doesn’t take away from the fact that CC and I just have to get a picture. So, we take one anyways; real quick like so no one yells at us.

After CC took the picture, I felt really bad because I mean, Native Americans are already oppressed as it is. And, here we go oppressing them more by taking pictures we weren’t supposed too. And, what’s worse, we’re Black. We should have known better. Because of this deep seated guilt, we made sure we bought a camera license when we got to the registration building.

Yea, so anyways, as we continue driving through the Rez, I start waxing poetic about how all Native American’s are poor and abandoned by the US government. And about how they’re just so bad off, you know like worse than Black people. And, that’s when my sister points out that every other house on the Reservation has a brand new beamer in the driveway. So, of course, I felt really stupid. Well, actually, worse than stupid. I felt like those Liberal White people who talk about how all Black people live in the ghetto and come from broken homes and the fathers are all in prison. You know those people, right? I laugh at them all of the time. And, now I was one of them. So, anyways, I just told my sister to shut-up and read the map.

So, we take the tour of the Mesa where we learn all of this cool history about the Acoma Pueblo Native people. It’s during the tour that I realize something- Native Americans hate White people more than Black people hate White people. That’s a lot of hate, ya’ll. I didn’t think any group could hate on White people more than Black people could. But, again, I was way, way, way wrong.

Samuel (our Acoma tour guide): “Here, you will see a bell that the Spanish traded to us in 1562.”

Random White Tourist (of course they were White, as we were the only Black people on the tour): “Oh, interesting. And what did the Acoma give the Spanish in return?”

Samuel: “Actually, I was just being nice. The real story is that the White devil came and stole 8 of our children from us. In order to look good, the god damn devil bastard gave us a god damn
f%^&*#@ bell to make it look like a f$%^&*# trade. A bell?!?! A god damn bell!!!! Only the White devil would think of something like that!!!”

Reese: “Jesus Christ!”

Yea, but Samuel was cool. He knew EVERYTHING about the Acoma and gave a great history lesson about the White devil. I wish we could have hung out some more, but alas, the tour did end eventually.

And, also, Jacob Blackhawk never showed up. The bastard!

So, later in the day we check in at the Hyatt Tamaya. I officially get inducted into the OS’s (Original Sucias). Let me tell you a little bit about my gang:

The OS’s are a group of women who met through author Alisa Valdez-Rodriguez. We basically came to the desert to hang out. And, that we did. First of all, we took over an entire resort. We hung out in one big group and basically told the hotel staff what to do the entire weekend. We also scared all of the White people at the resort. I think they thought we were rappers girlfriend’s or something.

Random Resort Guest: “Johnny, come back! I think that’s that 50 dollar rapper’s girlfriend. Don’t look her in the eye!!”

Ah, yes the reactions on many people’s faces was classic. One day, I’ll have to tell you guys about how I love scaring White people. It’s one of the few joys you get out of being Black.

Yea, so anyways, me and the other OS’s had dinner at the Hyatt Tamaya’s crappy restaurant the “Corn Maiden,” where they royally screwed us on our bill because they’re bastards! But, then we left and went salsa dancing. That was fun. Oh, and it led to another race based realization of mine-


Hello. My name is Reese the Law Girl. I am African-American, and I cannot dance.

Yes, it’s true. I have a standard club dance where I just move from left to right and that’s about all I can do. It’s so very, very sad. I feel like I have shamed my people. I’m sure I have. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before I get traded in the race draft for Eminem. I’m prepared though. I’ve got my cardigan and my golf clubs all ready to go. It’ll be sad not being Black anymore. I really did enjoy parts of it.

Anyways, after the OS’s took over the Cooperage and kicked everyone else off the dance floor, we went back to the Hyatt for some well deserved sleep.

Coming Up Next: Day 3, Day 4, and Day 5

© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Every 7 Minutes a black person is born with no souls. That's from the movie Amazon Women On The Moon (Comedy).

I'm not just being an ass.

When you said the "rappers girlfriend" thing I was SO hearing the intro to Baby Got Back!

" look at her butt!"LOL

10:35 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

OMG! Is that why I can't dance? I have no soul?

Of course! Just like hockey! I'm just like hockey! Wow.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Damn. So now we gotta wait on you to post Day 2, Day 3, Day 4. And we know how you lag with the 4 parters. GEEEEZ

11:30 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

No, no, no. If I finish it today, I'll have it up today. This won't take long. I promise. :)

11:38 AM  
Blogger Patrick Jason said...

You saw six black people!!!
Damn, must have been the same night as the Snoop Doog/The Game concert downtown. Usually I get to about five on a good Friday and Saturday night - at this is at the Hip-Hop clubs.

Yeah, the reason all those BMWs sit in the driveway? Hispanics (Hispanos, all they call themselves here). They love those Rez casinos.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

When you say you met through Alisa Valdez-Rodriguez, do you mean you all know her or you all met because of her writing? That would be so cool if you knew a celebrity (besides Kobe Bryant).

I'll be sitting here pressing refresh until you post Day 3. And I also can't wait for you to tell us about how you love scaring White people. I don't think I have the ability to scare people, so I love to see other people do it cause it's quite funny.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Dang, Patrick! And, I thought 6 was a few, turns out that was like the million man march in the desert, huh?

So, I'll have to tell CC that the beamers belonged to the Hispanos, not the Native Americans. A completely different group of people, right?

Hmmm? Yea, so I guess my sister was still right after all.

Rina: No, we actually hung out with Alisa. So, I guess I can say I do "know" a famous person.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Patrick Jason said...

No, you're sis is right. I meant that because so many Hispanics go to the Casinos, all the money they leave goes to the Native Americans, who get really rich and they can afford the BMWs - and Hummers, and Mercs, and Lexuses.

Some people say it's an epidemic, that the Native Americans are preying on all these poor Spanish/Hispano people. I call it Karma.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

LOL! "The poor Hispano/Spanish people." Tell that to my Acoma tour guide- he'd get a kick out of it. ;)

Yes, I agree, that does seem like Karma.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

REESE, YOU PROMISED no hockey heart hurts =(

1:16 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Hey, that's techinically not a slur. It's more like a truth, right?

Okay, it was a slur. I forgot our promise. So, you are allowed one good dig at basketball. After that, I promise, no more disses of hockey.

I promise!! ;)

1:22 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

You posted your picture!! Cool beans. You're a pretty gal, not that the South Park pic wasn't pretty as well.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Reese - LOVE the pic! What made you post it after all?

2:23 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Rina: Thanx! :)

Joanne: Thanx. I posted it to counter a bad pic that was out there of me. I can't leave the bad pic as everyone's mental image of what I look like. ;)

2:25 PM  
Blogger Patrick Jason said...

Reese, the pic is awesome, by the way.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

AWESOME Pic Reese!! Awwwww...Reese the law girl has been exposed! you are pretty!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Awww, thanx Patrick and Dez. :) It's the only picture I have (except for my senior high school picture) that I actually like. You can think Joanne for it. ;)

2:50 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...


Nobody who masters "The Funny" like you do could have a bad smile.

I'm gonna ignore that hockey comment from earlier. JUST THIS ONCE! :)

3:10 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Ahh, yes, we can thank Dr. CMED for my gorgeous smile. ;)

Thanx, J. :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger CubanDiva said...

Can you hurry up already with the rest of the days?! LMAO...I am waiting to read about what we did!

3:50 PM  
Blogger CubanDiva said...

Oh and by the way...The pics of you from the retreat look stop trippin...and I don't mean while you are dancing LMAO!!

Oh and Patrick...what happened to you this weekend? I thought I was going to get to meet you too!

3:52 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

See, Kim. That was a low blow. You know I can't dance! ;)

There. I finished the rest of this journal. Just for you. ;)

4:08 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

I think I've heard about this 50 dollar guy...

4:10 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

REESE!!! OMG I can see what you look like!!! Yay!!! that is a good pic of you. Aww you are soooooo pretty. By the way i LOVED this post. To me it felt like i was there.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Patrick Jason said...


Alisa kept me away from all the fun. I don't know why. Anyway, I didn't know anyone wanted to meet me. Sorry.

3:56 AM  

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