Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Rules to Live By: Riding the Train

If you know anything about me, you know that I have these rules about certain things. One rule that I live my life by is that you are not supposed to talk to anyone on the train. And, vice versa, no one should talk to me on the train.


I really believe in this rule because it protects me from the crazies. Also, I like to sleep on the train, so talking keeps me from sleeping. Also, talking to people I don’t know requires a lot of effort. And, me, being the lazy person that I am, don’t feel like striking up small talk with people I may, or may not see, ever again. Again, this is time I could be using to sleep.


So, imagine my utter horror that I now have a “talkie friend” on my train ride to work EVERY morning.


You have to understand the seriousness of the violation that Talkie Friend is committing. When I get on the train in the morning it’s still dark outside. I want to sleep. Badly! So, I don’t appreciate when some random chick decides that she’s now my “friend” and wants to talk to me at 5:45 in the morning!



Talkie Friend (TF): “Hi!”

Reese [sleeping with her eyes closed]: “…”

TF: “Ummm…hi!”

Reese [wakes up annoyed]: “Yeah…”

TF: “So, I can’t believe we had to switch trains like that. That’s crazy right?!?”

Reese [turns her head looking around the train]: “Are you talking to me?”

TF: “Uhh, yeah…”

Reese: “Oh. Yeah, sometimes you have to switch trains. You know…uh…that’s life.”



Reese goes back to sleep



TF: “So, do you ride the train everyday?”

Reese [sleeping with her eyes closed]: “…”

TF: “Ummm…DO YOU RIDE THE TRAIN EVERYDAY?”

Reese [wakes up annoyed]: “Yeah…”

TF: “Wow! Well then I bet you can tell me a lot about getting around Miami! I’m gonna learn a lot from you.”

Reese [turns her head looking around the train]: “Are you talking to me?”

TF: “Uhh, yeah…”

Reese: “Oh, yeah, you know…learning is…uhh…good.”

TF: “It sure is! By the way, my name is Brit! I’m from NY and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…”




At this point I realize that I am not going to escape Talkie Friend. No matter how many times I shut my eyes, or look out the window, or look at the time, or slap my forehead, or roll my eyes, I’m going to be talking to Talkie Friend for the whole ride into the city.


I really don’t appreciate this because I believe that it is a standard rule that people are not supposed to talk to each other on the train. I mean, this is something that is really a universal law (at least it is in my head). Also, this chick is from New York, so she should really know better. I mean, yeah okay, she’s not from the N.Y.C., she’s from upstate or whatever, but still. If you were born in NY, the rules to riding the train are like something you have ingrained in you since birth. You know like, “thou shalt not murder” or something.


Also, there’s another reason why I don’t like talking to Talkie Friend.



I don’t know how to say this without sounding elitist…



Well, actually this whole post is elitist, so never mind.



Okay, it’s not that she’s dirty or anything. But, I have this sneaking suspicion...



That she’s a prostitute…




Or a crackhead...



I haven’t really figured it out yet.




But, I know it’s gotta be one of those two. Okay, here’s why I think she’s “unsavory…”




Point 1: The only people who ride the train at 5:45am are construction workers, hospital residents, and overzealous attorneys. No one else! So, what’s a random chick with a pink little back-pack as a purse doing on the train this early? I asked her where she was going and she said to do some “volunteer work” or something.


“Volunteer work” indeed!




Point 2: The Miami “metro” has one line. It runs from the hood to the hood. In between there are three stops for people who value their lives, but still need to make a living so they can eat. I get off at one of those stops. As do the construction workers and hospital residents. But, Talkie Friend gets off at one of the hood stops.



And not just any hood stop- the worst hood stop!



The hood stop that I was told not to ever get off at. In fact, I was told to never even say the name of the stop lest something bad may happen to me. Everyone on the train pretends that it doesn’t exist. I call it, “The Stop that Shall not be Named.”



And this is the stop that Talkie Friend gets off at.




At 5:55 in the morning.





To do “volunteer work.”






Yeah, now you’re getting it.





So, anyways, I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this. I would try getting on other cars, but I have the sneaky suspicion she would just go looking for me.




I’m really upset about this. I’ve lost “morning sleep” everyday this week. Also, I think I need to see the Koodies doctor to make sure I didn’t catch syphilis from shaking Talkie Friend’s hand.




Gawd!




My life sucks!




© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

10 Comments:

Blogger Jessica R. said...

REESE!!! Although I haven't experiened to the extent you have - I live in NYC - i feel your pain girl!! Has she been bugging you everyday??

That's just something I will never understand how people don't get the hint - what the hell is wrong w/ them?

You're gonna have to find another car to get into - or wear a disguise. Maybe she's trying to hit on you? For your sake - I hope not!

The Reese that I think I know will look her in the eye and tell her straight up "look - I'm really not interested in talking right now - leave me the @#&$ alone!!" haha - ok not the obscene part but you get the picture - you're gonna have to be tough if this continues.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Jomama said...

Ugh. That is the worst. My mom makes friends with all the crazies she meets on public transportation. I will look right through you and pretend I can't hear you or think you're talking to someone else. But if it's unavoidable to ignore someone, I will exaggerate rolling my eyes every time I answer a question. I really hate small talk with strangers, can't you tell?

And I really hope she's not hitting on you.

1:00 PM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Ewww Ewww!

A little less overzealousness could put you on the next morning train after that one...

1:20 PM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

For some reason I tend to attract the talkies as well...I used to at least (yay having a car!) The suggestion is simple though wear head phones...you don't even need a C.D. player or an IPOD just the phones.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

I. Did. Not. Even. Think. About. That. Oh. My. God. Now. I. Am. Thoroughly. Creeped. Out.

Oh. My. Gawd.

~shudder~

4:24 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

Wait. Wait.

Are you telling me that if I lived in Miami, I could get laid before 6AM?

I have an unsavory suggestion: washing invites crazies. Wear the same shirt for a week straight, then, while trying to doze, raise your arms over your head and stretch alot.

Or you could pretend to throw crack down the isle and shout "fetch!"

3:21 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Phuc-n talkies......

11:28 AM  
Blogger Juicy77 said...

Don't you just hate people who ignore social cues? I have a neighbor like that. Sweet man, but he drives me crazy.

I think Talkie Friend is a stripper. I'd put money on it. (No pun intended) :o)

The weirdos always want to talk to me too. But I usually go ahead and listen to them. It's always an interesting story later on. My sister avoided riding public transportation with me for a while because I'm a weirdo magnet.

4:40 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

You Northerners! I say chat with Talkie. Reese you spend way to much time sleeping anyway. And so what if she's a hooker. We all gotta earn a living somehow. We can't all be lawyers. Jeez!

5:05 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

LOL, I'm with "Lisa". So what if she's a hooker!? You can get some good stories from her, then blog them. HULLOOO Reese, think about it. She already gave you some good material today. See? Show some appreciation meanie!=P

12:01 PM  

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