Sunday, October 02, 2005

Thundercats, Ho!


This is Lion-O.


When I was 7, I thought I was going to marry Lion-O.


Yea….


If you really think about it, that’s disturbing. I mean, Lion-O was half-lion or something. And his hands were claws. I mean, can you imagine? That would make certain things painful.


Anyways, as I’m rediscovering my love of the Thundercats, by watching the entire first season on DVD, I realize how wonderful this show really was. It actually stands the test of time very well. Plus, it taught me some very important lessons…


1. If you don’t ask for help, no one is going to come rescue you from an evil Mummy who lives in a pyramid.


This is the most important lesson. In Thundercats, Lion-O used to get in all kinds of trouble. But, no one would help him until he used the Sword of Omens to alert the other Thundercats that he was in trouble. I mean Lion-O could be kidnapped by Mumm-ra and be held prisoner for 8 weeks, but if he didn’t use the Sword of Omens…well…


Snarf [the most annoying cartoon character ever created]: “Snarf, snarf. I haven’t seen Lion-O around since a month from last Tuesday. Maybe we should go look for him? Snarf, snarf.”

Tygra: “Aww, he’s alright. I mean, if he was in trouble he would have asked for our help using the Sword of Omens. No Sword of Omens, no help. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get it on with the Tree-top Warrior Maidens.”

Snarf: “Snarf, but…”

Tygra: “Tree. Top. Warrior. Maidens.”

Snarf: “Oh, snarf…”



You see what I’m talking about? The Thundercats were completely useless unless Lion-O called for their help. Just like in real life. When you’re stuck on the side of the road because your car decided it didn’t want to accelerate anymore, if you don’t use the Sword of Omens to call the Thundercats to pick you up, they just won’t come.


Incompetent bastards.


2. Half-human, Half-Cat Men can also be Half-Black.


In case you were asleep as a child, you should have picked up on the fact that one of the Thundercats was black.


I’m serious.


As a 7 year old little black girl, I instantly knew that Panthro was the black Thundercat when I saw the first episode. I mean he “sounded” black, he had some black “features,” he even was known to throw out some hip-hop slang every now and then…


Snarf: “Snarf, snarf. Panthro, Lion-O is missing. I think he may be in trouble. Snarf.”

Panthro: “Yo, yo, yo, Snarf! That [insert mammalian epithet] is fine, yo! Now, don’t be botherin’ me now. I’m gettin’ it on with those fine ho’s from the Tree-top Warrior Kingdom.”

Snarf: “Snarf, but…”

Panthro: “Tree. Top. Warrior. Ho's. Foo’!!”

Snarf: “Oh, snarf…”



Panthro = Black. I’m telling you!



3. Cheetara was the shiznet!


Do you think Cheetara is my new avatar just because she has cool hair? No way! Cheetara was awesome! And, she knew it…


Snarf: “Snarf, snarf. Cheetara, please, we must find Lion-O!”

Cheetara [looking at herself in the mirror]: “I’m much too pretty and too cool to go rescuing Lion-O without a call from the Sword of Omens.”

“I wonder if I can find some Tree-top Warrior Hot Boys? I should be able to search all of Third-Earth in about 5 minutes. I think I’ll do that.”



Cheetara = Awesome. ‘Nuff said.



4. Claims that someone or something can see into the future are untrue. The most that can happen is that the person or thing can see into the present.


The Sword of Omens. What do you think of when you think of a Sword of Omens? A sword that can see into the future? Oh, not so, my friend. The Sword of Omens could only see into the present. If that.


Lion-O: “Ohhh, I’m severely injured. I’ve been in this dungeon for 8 weeks. Won’t someone come get me? Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight. Will anyone come save me?”

Sword of Omens [speaking with a fake, Jamaican accent]: “Me child, call me now and for $2.00 a minute I will tell you what your friends are doing right now.”

Lion-O: “Sword, I don’t want to know what my friends are doing now. I want to know if they will come save me.”

Sword of Omens: “Me child, I will help you. Who are your friends?”

Lion-O: “The Thundercats.”

Sword of Omens: “Are they boys?”

Lion-O: “Three of them are. One is just a kid, though.”

Sword of Omens: “Ohhhh, I’m getting a readin’, me child. I see two adult Thundercats. Partying with some hot girls.”

Lion-O: “That’s Tygra and Panthro. Oh, I should have known they’d be with the Tree-top Warrior Maidens!”

Sword of Omens: “Ohh, yes, the…uhhh…Warrior Maidens, yes, me child. Yes. That’s where they are now.”

Lion-O: “But, will they come and get me?”

Sword of Omens: “Ohhh, I’m losing my connection. Ohhhh, need $3.00 a minute now, me child. Ohhhhh….”

Lion-O: “Sword of Omens, you suck!”

Sword of Omens: “Call me now. Ohhhh….”



Really, what’s the point of a Sword of Omens if it’s just going to rip you off for your hard earned money and then tell you things you already know? This is a lesson I learned at a young age. Thus, I was never one to fall to crazy schemes like psychics, santarias, and doctors.




So, anyways, the point is that the Thundercats was just as educational as Sesame Street. I learned a lot from those cats. Lessons that I still use today.



And, now, a moment of silence for Lion-O.



He never did get out of that dungeon.




© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

15 Comments:

Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Wow that's a ... big ... sword.

11:41 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

It is very phallic, isn't it?

12:39 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

What the?!?

I swear I left a comment here earlier!

Oh well, it was funny, REALLY funny, but you missed out 'cause Blogger sucks today.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

hahaha.

cheetara!

i loved thundercats!! still do.

=)

2:16 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Thundercats were very cool. My hubby tries to tell me they are lame, but I just keep going with my idea that they were cool. I like the new avatar - very nice!!

3:09 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Thundercats .... HO!!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

So, blogger was all screwed up today? Is that where you people were? Drifting in cyberspace? You should have called the Thundercats for help.


HO!!

5:45 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

Thundercats...HO!!!!!

I loved Cheetara. Loved this post it took me back in the day.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Reese,

I'm old and my memory not so good, but didn't - in the cartoon - he'd get the sword and it would grow in size from a dagger to a big blade?

Wow. What filth.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Hey, Mal (that's your nickname now), yeah that did happen.

I can't believe that cartoon was corrupting young minds like that. It's just wrong. ;)

10:09 AM  
Blogger tannia g. robles said...

I loved the thundercuts! but i never realized they were as brilliant as sesame st. And I was laughing at the reference of Panthro being Black. It's weird, how did we as kids identify him as Black? hummmm? I must say though, I use to think Lionel was a freaking hot guy.

11:45 PM  
Blogger Inside Man said...

If it makes you feel better we had a conversation at work yesterday about who was the most attractive female Disney characters that was not human (i.e. Bambi's mother, simba's mother, nola,etc..).

12:04 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Wow, KG, that's disturbing...

So, yeah, I guess it does make me feel better. At least Lion-O was half-human.

Ya'll are sick, KG. Sick!

;)

9:27 PM  
Blogger derek said...

You know, Earl Hindman, the guy who voiced Panthro also played Grandpa Huxtable on The Cosby Show.

Therefore confirming, Panthro IS black.

But, by that logic, so is The Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the orig. cartoon) which was voiced by none other than Uncle Phil himself, James Avery. Next time, Uncle Phil gets really mad at will, close your eyes and replace will with Bebop or Rocksteady.

It's true I tell ya!

11:21 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

OMG! It's all coming together now. Panthro DOES sound like Grandpa Huxtable!

Wow.


Panthro & Shredder = Grandpa Huxtable and Uncle Phil. Who knew?

Well, I guess Derek did, but I didn't. ;)

8:03 AM  

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