Thursday, February 02, 2006

Unpleasentness, Kobe, and More Superhead: The Last Random Discussions from Training

I. Unpleasentness


Debbie: “No, I heard that Vanessa Williams gave Rick Fox herpes.”

Patrice: “Yeah, but I heard she was a lesbian, so there’s no way she could have had herpes if she was gay.”

Everyone but Patrice: “YES, SHE COULD!!!”

Patrice: “Wait a minute, how is a lesbian gonna have herpes down there? You mean when they use their mouth?”

Tai: “Yeah, but also when they be rubbin’ against each other.”

Patrice: “WHAT?!?!”

Debbie: “Yeah, girl you know how they be putting their parts together and stuff.”

Patrice: “That’s not physically possible!!!”

Egypt: “Oh my god girl, yes it is! That’s how they do it!”

Patrice: “But, how?!?!”

Debbie: “You know, they do it like this…”


[Debbie takes her first two fingers on her right hand and inserts them in between her first two fingers on her left hand]


Patrice: “OH MY GOD!!!! GIRL THAT’S NASTY!!!!”

Debbie: “Just like this.” [Debbie repeats motion]

Tai: “Girl, go get yourself any standard porno. You’ll see.”

Patrice: “But, then how do they get herpes? The herpes is on the inside.”

Everyone but Patrice: “NO IT’S NOT!!!”

Reese: “Girl, the herpes is on the outside!”

Egypt: “Yeah, it’s a blister.”

Patrice: “Ewww…”

Reese: “Yeah, and when the blister pops all the herpes comes oozing out and then the skin touches the herpes, and that’s how you get the herpes.”

Everyone but Reese: “EWWWWW, REESE!!! DANG!!! WHY YOU GOTTA GET ALL GRAFFIC!!! YOU NASTY!!!”

Reese: “Oh, hell naw!! I know you scandalous freaks are not telling me I’m nasty because I have medical knowledge when you were just talking about how lesbians do it.”

Debbie: “Just too much information, Reese. Too much!”

Egypt: “I mean, really. Gross, Reese.”

Reese: “You know, what? That’s why I never liked ya’ll. Ooooh, you get on my nerves!!”

-------------------------------------

II. Ladies Man


Cleo: “But, you know- they say Kobe loves those white girls.”

Tai: “Yeah, well that’s fine with me. He needs to take his diseased penis to some other chick. I don’t want it.”

Reese: “AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Tai: “I mean, I know I’m funny, Reese, but what you laughin’ at?”

Reese: “Oh, man! I’m at this blog- Crunk and Disorderly. Look at the picture that just popped up…”





Everyone: “OH MY GOD!!!!”

Reese: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE CAPTION SAYS, “KOBE AND HIS FUTURE PLAINTIFFS.”

Everyone: “AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Debbie: “Oh, man! He sure does look happy doesn’t he?”

Patrice: “Like a vampire in a blood bank."

Egypt [speaking with an Eastern European Accent]: “I Vant to Choke Your Neck!”

Tai: “And Pay You Off in Zee Morning!”


[Everyone laughs hysterically]

---------------------------------

III. The Evidence that Proves the Assertion True


Tai: “Yeah, so in this chapter Superhead said that she was messin’ with Xzibit. And then, one night she and Xzibit were hanging out with P. Diddy. And then she said that P. Diddy took her and Xzibit to a club. And so, they were hanging out at the club, and Xzibit noticed that there was nothing but men around. And Xzibit was like, “I know this [insert racial epithet] didn’t bring us to a gay club!!!”

Cleo: “Whoa! Superhead said Diddy was gay?”

Tai: “That’s what she’s saying.”

Reese: “AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Tai: “Dang! What you laughin’ at now, Reese?”

Reese: “Dude! Call it luck or irony or whatever, but look at what picture just popped on Crunk and Disorderly.”

Everyone: “What?”





Everyone: “OH MY GOD!!!”

Tai: “Superhead was telling the truth!!!!!!”

Debbie: “Awww, man!!! I can’t believe it!!”

Egypt: “Well believe it, honey. P. Diddy swings both ways, evidently.”

Debbie: “Wow.”

Patrice: “Damn!”

Debbie: “Where is his hand?”

Egypt: “Somewhere your’s will never be, girl. Somewhere your’s will never be.”





© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

7 Comments:

Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

LOL - if your training went on any longer, ya'll would all have been fired!

9:03 AM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Really, I think these may be the funniest posts yet... great training. I see you all learned a lot!

9:33 AM  
Blogger Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer said...

Of course Sean Jean goers both ways. Why do you think they called him "Puffy?"

10:15 AM  
Blogger Juicy77 said...

ROFL! Your coworkers are off the hook. Sounds like fun. Nobody talks to me at the new job.

I heard that V. Williams had herpes too. The rumor was that her cheating first hubby infected her. Poor Vanessa. :(

10:31 AM  
Blogger ManNMotion said...

So...what's the name of your firm lol?

1:20 PM  
Blogger Lez said...

ROTFLMBAO
(for the uninitiated: rolling on the floor laughing my black ass off)

11:56 PM  
Blogger Inside Man said...

ha ha I think the Puffy pic is hilarious but I think it's out of context. If someone took my picture mid hug with another dude it would look fruity as hell. The second could be horse play, I hope.......

3:57 AM  

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