Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Anniversary Pre-Show!!

[So, you won't get this at all if you haven't been reading for a while. Just roll with it, if you don't understand. Oh, and yes, I am corny as hell.]


Baby’s. Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. Las Vegas.



Poor Working Girl (PWG): “I must have been pretty desperate to come to this event with you.”

DJ: “WAZ-UP BABY!!! WE GONNA GET CRUNK TONIGHT!!!"

PWG: “Whatever.”



As PWG and DJ arrive at the SD Awards Pre-Show Party, they run into a very high class, state of the art woman who is standing guard at the door. And, she’s not letting any guests in.



DJ: “WAZ UP, BE-OTCH!?!? LET A [insert racial epithet] IN!!!!”

Vicky3: “And you are?”

DJ: “I AM THE FRESHEST, MOST ILLIST, I’M SAYIN’ GREATEST CAT ON THE BLOCK!!!!”

PWG: “Oh, will you shut up already!”

“Ahem. I am Poor Working Girl. This is DJ. And, I’m sure we are on this list.”

DJ: “FO’ SHIZZLE!!”

PWG: “Wow, it’s so cool to finally be “on the list.” To finally be appreciated for all of my hard work. For someone to recognize my talents…”

Vicky3: “You’re not on the list.”

PWG: “WHAT?!?!”

Vicky3: “Actually, neither of you are on the list.”

DJ: “YO, YOU NEED TO CHECK THAT [insert bad word] AGAIN!”

Vicky3: “Yea, I’m a state of the art computer sent personally to the most beautiful and talented Reese the Law Girl from the Land of Gateway. I’m sure my list is up to date.”



Just then, one of Reese’s closest friends and two of Reese’s current foes also show up at the door…



Lisa [looking a little wasted]: “What’s up, negroes!!!!”

Hurricane Katrina [looking a lot wasted]: "I’m back…britches!!!”

Lisa: “HAHAHA!!! You said “britches.”

Katrina: “I…did…I said…[hiccup]…I didn’t mean…”

Lisa: “It’s “bitches” not “britches.”

Katrina [crying]: “I’m sorry….I’m so sorry…I’m so….so messed up….man, you’re…you’re the greatest….I love you “Lisa.” You always got my back.”

Lisa: “Are you crying? You’re a punk, Katrina! A punk!!”

Katrina [laughing]: “Oh, my god! You’re soooooooo right. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Hurricane Wilma: “I can’t believe I’m the sober one in this group.”

Lisa: “Move, Vicky3!! I need to get into the “par-tay.”

Katrina: “Hehehehehe… "par-tay.”

Vicky3: “I’m sorry, but you’re not on the list.”

Lisa: “WHAT?!?!”

Vicky3: “None of you are on the list.”

DJ: “OH, AIN’T THIS A BITCH!!!”



As the guests begin arguing with Vicky3, yet another SD regular arrives at the door.



Karma: “Make way, idiots. Karma is ready to get this party started.”

“Well, well, well. Look who’s here? Hey, PWG, you may want to keep away from DJ. Last time I saw him, he was struck by a sudden bout of syphilis.”

PWG: “Syphilis?!?!”

DJ: “Hey, baby…you know…Karma…she be…she be messin’ with people…you know…”

PWG: “SYPHILLIS?!?!”

Karma: “Don’t let him sneeze on you, honey.”

“Hehehe. Anyways, Vicky3, I’m here so let me in.”

Vicky3: “Well, technically, you’re not on the list Karma.”

Karma: “WHAT?!?!”

Lisa: “Okay, hold on! Just…just hold on!! If I’m not on the list, and Karma’s not on the list, and PWG and DJ aren’t on the list, and Katrina and Wilma are not on the list, then WHO IN THE HELL IS ON THE LIST?!?!”

Vicky3: “Orlando Bloom.”

Everyone: “WHAT?!?!”

Vicky3: “Only Orlando Bloom and Reese the Law Girl of Infinite Wisdom are on the list.”

Lisa: “Okay, that is just…Reese has LOST HER MIND!!! I’m her best friend AND I made this blog!!!”

PWG: “Yea, and…wait a minute, I MADE THIS BLOG!”

Lisa: “PWG, don’t even start! You weren’t even here until May!”

PWG: “Oh, hell, no I’m the star here. I will be appreciated, dammit! I’m the star!”

Lisa: “Say you’re “the star” one more time, PWG. Say it one more time.”

PWG: “…ahem…”

“I’M THE STAR!!!”




And suddenly, without warning, “Lisa” attempts to deck PWG right in the nose. Of course, PWG is a master of “the kung-fu,” so a massive butt-whoopin’ is about to commence.



DJ: “YO, YO, YO, IT’S A GIRLFIGHT!!!”

Karma: “This is so sad.”

DJ: “RIP HER CLOTHES OFF!!!”

Vicky3: “Okay, I’m going to need some help.”

“Security!!!”



Suddenly, in storms three navy blue-clad cops. But, these just aren’t any cops. They’re the cops of South Pinellas, Florida.



Cop1: “Okay, black people, break it up! Break it up!!”

Cop2: “What’s the situation, Dan?”

Cop1: “We’ve got some colored people here causing trouble.”

Cop2: “No, not colored people!!!”

Cop1: “Yea, colored people.”

Cop3: “When will the coloreds learn? When will they learn?”

Cop1: “I don’t know, Stacy. I just don’t know.”



Vicky3 [speaking with Reese on her Intel Centrino Mobile Technology chip]: “Ahh-ha…ah-ha…okay…”

“Listen, up! The most gorgeous and benevolent Reese says that you guys are embarrassing her. So, whoever can come up with the best anniversary gift can come to the “par-tay.” The rest of you will just have to wait until the SD Awards Show to celebrate.”

Karma: “You instant message Reese and tell her that I’ll zap her up with some more bad luck if she doesn’t let me in!”

Vicky3: “Hold on.”

“Ah-ha…ah-ha…okay…”

“Karma, the great and most knowledgeable Reese says you can come in- on account of her being afraid of you. She just asks if you can bring Brad Pitt.”

Karma: “Sure, whatever.”


Instantly, Brad Pitt arrives looking HOT!


Brad Pitt: “Hey, how did I get here? I’m supposed to be with Angelina in Japan with her ovaries.”

Karma: “Yes, well, now you’re with me. The baby-making will have to wait. Let’s go!”

Vicky3: “The rest of you people will have to go now. If you don’t leave, I’m going to be forced to call out Ancient Chinese Master to deal with you.”

PWG: “WHAT?!?! YOU MEAN ANCIENT CHINESE MASTER IS ON THE LIST?!?!”

Vicky3: “Well, someone had to protect the most awesome Reese from you people and simultaneously keep Lisa from trying to steal Orlando Bloom from the awe-inspiring Reese.”

Lisa: “You know, what, I’ll leave. But, you tell that trick, Reese, that I’m NEVER speaking to her again!”

PWG: “I can’t believe Ancient Chinese Master got into the party! I can’t believe it!!!”

Katrina [crying]: “Oh, mannnn….I wanted to “par-tay.” Why can’t…why...I’m…so…sad…”

Wilma: “God, Katrina. Stop crying before you flood Las Vegas.”

DJ: “SEE, THIS IS SOME BULL [insert bad word]!!!”

PWG: “Ancient Chinese Master?!?! But, he’s ANCIENT!!!”

DJ: “THAT’S WHY I DON’T MESS WITH BITCHES, MAN!!!”

Vicky3: “Alright, see you at the show.”

“Okay, okay, now where is the help? Hello?!?!”

Halle Berry [the help]: “I’m here, I’m here!”

Vicky3: “Wow, you do one bad movie and now you’re just "the help.”

Halle: “Don’t rub it in.”

Vicky3: “Alright, alright. Look, you need to put up the banner before the just and fair Reese sells me on E-bay.”

Halle: “Alright. How’s this?”

Vicky3: “Well…it’s perfect.”

“Now, come on before we miss the "par-tay.”

Lisa [shouting from around the corner]: “HALLE?!?! HALLE IS ON THE LIST?!?!”

Vicky3: “Go home, Lisa!!”




HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, SD!!!!!



© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.

10 Comments:

Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Hey, I KNOW I'm on the list!
Tell me I'm on the list!
I'm on the list right?
RIGHT?!?

I have to be on the list....I'm on the list.
I'm on the list, I know it.
I'm on the list.
I AM on the list right?
Yeah, I gotta be.
I'm on the list.
It's all good, I'm on the list.

Am I on the list?

1:33 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, SD!!!!!


LOL@ J's comment. We should be on that list we were some of Reese's first readers.

6:33 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

I'M NOT ON THE LIST. ARe you frickin kidding me!!! I made this blog. Some people dont appreciate nuffin. You suck Reese. We aint cool no more. I ain't readin this blog ever again

6:46 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

One year already?

{cue 'Memories'}

Happy birthday, SD. Don't let the South Pinellas cops bite. Or something like that.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Michael Newfoundland said...

Funny

9:18 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

You're correct, I didn't get it, but it was a fun read!

10:09 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

J & Karla, of course you guys are on the list. But, not "Lisa." She's NEVER getting on the list. ;)

Kom: Ah, you have to love the cops of South Pinellas. You know, with them, it's all love. It's all love. ;)

Mike: This is why, one day when you're truly bored and you have absolutely nothing else to do, you must check out the archives. Then, it will all make sense.

Nice avatar, by the way. ;)

8:33 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

I win, I win!

6:24 PM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Syphilis???!!! LMAO!

Too funny! But, DJ said to tell you that he doesn't think it's so funny. And I quote, "I mean, DAMN, Reese, couldn't you have given a (N-word) a better ailment? You know, like a canker sore or something? Not syphilis... that sh*t'll make a N-word's d**k fall off and sh*t!!! You know a N-word like me can't be having that sh*t!"

;-)

2:18 PM  
Blogger Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer said...

Beautiful. Truly beautiful. Happy 1st, SD!

11:30 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home