Monday, March 28, 2005

Reese Lesson #2: Never Get Blood in Your Eye

Can I catch a break? I mean really!!

I went to the eye doctor (who is not cute, by the way) on Friday...

Dr. Bad News Eye Doctor (Dr. BNED): "Hmmm, that's interesting..."

Reese: "What? What's interesting?"

Dr. BNED: "You said your contacts have been irritating you, right?"

Reese: "Uh-huh..."

Dr. BNED: "Well, it looks like there is a little blood seeping into the lens of your eye."

Reese: "WHAT!"

Dr. BNED: "It's not that bad actually..."

Reese: "WHAT! What do you mean there's blood in my eye?!?! What the hell does that mean!?!?"

Dr. BNED: "If you'll calm down..."

Reese: "I'm not going to calm down!! You're telling me that I'm going blind..."

Dr. BNED: "I never said..."

Reese: "Oh, my God! I knew this was going to happen! I knew it! All these years, I've been getting my eyes checked, I knew, I KNEW, that one day my eye doctor was going to say that I'm going blind..."

Dr. BNED: "You are not going blind..."

Reese: "Oh, my God! I can't believe this. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! Is there a pet shop around here- I'm going to need a German Shepard!"

Dr. BNED: "No, if you'll just listen..."

Reese: "Oh, my God! This is all because of my stupid birthday. I'm jinxed I tell you. JINXED!"

Dr. BNED: "Just for my own amusement, I'd actually like to hear you elaborate on this..."

Reese: "It's my birthday! On the same day I was born this lady, who was an accessory to Abraham Lincoln's assassination, well she was hung, HUNG, for her crimes on my birthday!"

Dr. BNED: "Mary Surrat! Mary Surrat was hung on your birthday?"

Reese: "YES!"

Dr. BNED: "Wow. You really are jinxed."

Reese: "See what I mean?!?"

Dr. BNED: "Okay, if you'll just calm down. You are NOT going blind, okay?"

Reese: "Uh-huh..."

Dr. BNED: "You are not going to need a German Shepard."

Reese: "Uh-huh..."

Dr. BNED: "I think what has happened is that we need to switch you to a new brand of contacts. That's all. This brand isn't working with your eyes, thus the eye has become inflamed."

Reese: "My eyeball is inflamed?"

Dr. BNED: "Yes...the...inside...of the eye."

Reese: "Uh-huh..."

Dr. BNED: "Just a little inflamed. You'll be fine in a couple of days. In the meantime, use these eyedrops and don't wear your contacts."

Reese: "Don't wear my contacts?!?! But, I have a dental appointment with my cute, Middle-Eastern dentist tomorrow! I can't wear glasses! I would have already humiliated myself before I walked in the door!"

Dr. BNED: "Well, you have two choices: wear your glasses and humiliate yourself or wear your contacts and risk further damage to your eye."

Reese: "Fine! FINE! I'll wear the stupid glasses."

Dr. BNED: "Good. Come back on Monday and we'll see how your eye is doing."

Reese: "Fine. And, I hope you're happy by the way."

Dr. BNED: "Why would I be happy?"

Reese: "Because of your "diagnosis" now Dr. CMED gets to see me in my glasses and he'll never whisk me away on a dream vacation to Vegas."

Dr. BNED: "Reese, was Dr. CMED ever going to whisk you away anywhere?"

Reese: "Fine! FINE! So, I'm a little delusional..."

Dr. BNED: "A little?"

Reese: "Fine! FINE! So, I'm a lot delusional."

Dr. BNED: "Exactly. See you Monday."

Reese: "Whatever."

© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I could've sworn I left a comment here already. I Blogger screwing up today?

I wrote something about why is is a bad thing having somebody who was involved in killing one of our coolest presidents a bad luck thing?

11:03 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Reese - when the heck is your birfday?

Oh, and by the way, this post was REALLY FUNNY!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

J: You probably did leave a comment. I accidently deleted the post (I was trying to delete something else). Anyways, I had to repost it.

And, anyways, it's a bad thing to have Mary Surratt hung on your birthday because, duh!, it's a bad thing to have anyone hung on your birthday. ;)

Desiree: Thanx. My birthday is 7/7/77. And, no that's not a joke. That is in fact, my actual birthday.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

What if Orlando Bloom show's up on your Birthday, and he's hung?

11:40 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

J: Ummm, what exactly do you mean by that? You know when it comes to Orlando I have impure thoughts. You must be more specific. ;)

12:54 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Lawyer = Big Brain
Impure thoughts = You know what I mean.

Reese + Orlando = K-I-S-S-I-N-G + (X-rated or at least NC-17)

1:10 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

J, you are bad. ;) Well, at least I finally get the "Kissing Song" on my blog. It's about time!

1:56 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

I thought that was it...I remember you telling us sucias...

7:11 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

Reese that post was hilarious. I went to the eye doctor this week as well and he did tell me that i was going blind but i have been going blind since i was 5.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Aww, geez, Karla. Now, I feel so stupid for freaking out about my little inflamed lens. I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. But, I am so sure that you will keep on pushing your way through it! :)

8:09 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

Aww...i did not mean to make you feel stupid. I was just sharing me doctors vist with you. Ah I am not worried about it, it is something that have dealt with all my life.

2:04 PM  

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