Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Adventures of Superhead

So, I know I’m supposed to be posting the old installments of Welcome to a Dysfunctional Relationship, but I have to tell you what happened today at work…

Okay, beginning this week all of the legal staff have been forced to attend this god-awful training. It lasts all day and it’s completely useless. As the training is being held in one of the hearing rooms, and the hearing room can’t fit all of the staff, the rest of the staff are watching the training via video-conferencing in various other hearing rooms.

Anyways, like I said, the training is boring. So, we’ve been finding other ways to entertain ourselves while the training is being shown on the flat screen TV.

So, we’re bored out of our minds and we start having the funniest discussion I have had in a long time. It’s hilarious!

The cast of characters for this dialogue sequence are the following:

Reese the Law Girl
Alex (fellow Law Boy)
Debbie (fellow Law Girl)
Egypt (fellow Law Girl)
Patrice (paralegal)
Beatrice (65 year old paralegal)
Tai (very young paralegal)
Cleo (paralegal)

And yes, this actually happened. Enjoy!!!

Trainer (on the TV): “So, when you write your decisions what you need to do is blah, blah, blah…”

Reese: “Oh, man! I’m not going to make it! I can’t take this training anymore!”

Debbie: “This is a complete and utter waste of time!”

Patrice: “Seriously!”

Tai: “OH MY GOD!!!”

Patrice: “Girl, what you screaming about?”

Tai [reading a book]: “Oh, girl, I just…I just can’t believe this!”

Patrice: “What you readin’?”

Tai: “The Adventures of Superhead.”

Everyone: “WHAT?!?!”

Tai: “The Adventures of Superhead. You know, that book that Superhead wrote about all the stuff she did when she was a vidi-ho.”

Everyone Except Cleo: “Ohhhhhhhh!”

Cleo: “What? What is a vidi-ho?”

Reese: “You know, those naked girls in the music videos. They’re called “vidi-ho’s.”

Cleo: “Ohhhhh.”

Reese: “Yeah.”

Cleo: “But, why is her name “Superhead?”

Everyone Except Cleo: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Cleo: “What?”

Tai: “Girl, are you serious?”

Beatrice: “Even I know why someone would call her “Superhead.” And, I’m an old lady!”

Egypt: “Girl, please, just think about it!”

Cleo: “What? I don’t get it?”

Debbie [laughing]: “I know! Alex, sense you’re the only guy in the room, why don’t you answer this question.”

Alex: “Why do I have to answer this?”

Debbie: “Because it relates to you and your kind.”

Alex: “Okay, fine! How do I say this without being accused of creating a hostile work environment? Hmmmm??? Well…it’s sorta like this…let’s just say that the nice young woman is “super” at giving…uhhh…fellatio…”

Cleo: “Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!”

Alex: “Yeah.”

Patrice [speaking to Tai]: “Girl, I can’t believe you’ve had this book all this time and haven’t been reading it aloud!! What are you reading about Superhead so far?”

Tai: “Well, so far she’s dating some rapper- Cool G or something. And, basically, he’s just knocking her upside the head. Beating her up Ike Turner style.”

Everyone: “DAMN!”

Tai: “Yeah! Oh, wait you haven’t heard anything yet. So, one time he forced her to give him head for 2 hours straight!!!”

Everyone: “WHAT?!?!?!”

Tai: “Yeah!! She said it was so bad that her nose started bleeding!!”


Reese [half-laughing/half-grossed out]: “Ewwww! Oh, man! That’s just wrong!!!”

Cleo: “I don’t think that’s true!”

Egypt: “Sure it is!”

Cleo: “No one can give head for 2 hours like that!”

Egypt: “Sure they can! He probably was moving her head like this…” [Egypt begins moving her head like a retarded duck]

Debbie [laughing]: “Oh my god Egypt, stop it!!!”

Egypt [continues moving her head like a retarded duck]: “Yeah, just like this girl…”

Debbie [laughing hysterically]: “OH MY GOD!!! YOU MUST STOP!!!”

Egypt: “But, still how was he able to hold it in for 2 hours?”

Cleo: “That’s what I’m saying! Superhead done made that story up!!”

Tai: “No, but it was a punishment.”

Reese: “Yeah, he probably didn’t hold it for 2 hours. He just kept making her go after he…you know…released himself.”

Alex [laughing hysterically]: “OH MAN!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GIRLS TALK LIKE THIS!!!!”

Patrice: “What? We just talkin’ about the book.”


Tai: “No, what’s crazy is giving head for 2 hours. Even when it’s punishment, she’s still SUPERHEAD!!!”


Trainer: “…so, Hearing Room 5 do you have anything to add to the discussion?”

Alex: “Yea, we learned that if you put your mind to it you can give head for 2 hours!”

Everyone but Alex: [Silent and in a state of shock]

Alex [laughing]: “Hehehehehe, relax! I didn’t turn the microphone on. She didn’t hear me.”

Everyone: [Breathing a sigh of relief]

Reese [turns the mic on]: “Uhhh…we think…uhhh…we pretty much…uhh…understand everything.”

Trainer: “Okay, well let’s call it a day everyone.”

Debbie: “Unless you’re Superhead. Then you need to get back to work!”


© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.


Blogger "Lisa" said...

Is Two Hours really possible? She has to be lying. And this is what legal minds talk about at work. I should say is this what federally paid with my tax dollars legal minds talk about at work?

7:17 PM  
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Our training meetings are never near that funny. Not even close.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

first of all "Go Team Jolie" i know that is like two post down but whatever.

Second "El Papi Chulo List" is up.

and third i need to start going to training meetings with Reese.

12:06 AM  
Blogger derek said...


karla: forget training...I need to find Superhead!

1:27 AM  
Blogger Jomama said...

LMAO! I'd like to join in on your training meetings too. I read that book a few months ago-- it's a doozy.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is now clear that our training meetings here are definitely lacking a certain something.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Joanne said...

That is a good one! Almost as good as the conversations I hear at work with DJ and company... almost! ;-)

10:04 AM  

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