Saturday, March 04, 2006

Tales From the Childhood: Efficient

Late Winter, 1989.


Eleven-Year old Reese has just gotten herself dressed and ready for school. She even made her bed up this morning…


Sort of…



Reese: “No breakfast for me, Mom. I got to get to my patrol post before the 3rd graders start bombarding the 1st graders with snowballs. Little hooligans is what they are.”

Mom [rolling her eyes]: “Okay, Officer Reese. But, before you go I have to ask the question I ask you every single morning: did you make up your bed?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Mom: “No, wait. Before you commit yourself to an answer, I mean did you really make up your bed? I mean it’s neat. The pillows are tucked under the blanket and the blanket is actually positioned over the entire bed?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Mom: “I don’t believe you.”

Reese: “Mom, I don’t have time for this! The 3rd graders, remember?!?! If you don’t believe me, go check for yourself.”

Mom: “Fine, I will.”


Reese’s Mom goes into Reese and CC’s room to look at Reese’s bed. And, to her surprise, Reese’s bed is actually made up. And, not just made up. The sheets, blankets, pillows, etc. are perfectly tucked and put into place. It’s perfectly neat.



Actually, it’s almost a little too neat…



Mom: “This is a little too neat.”

Reese: “It’s made isn’t it?”

Mom: “Alright, did you hire someone to come in here to make your bed up?”

Reese: “No, Mom.”

Mom: “Did you sleep in your bed last night?”

Reese: “Yes!”

Mom [getting angry]: “Okay, look! I have been telling you for the last two years to make up your dag-on bed!! And, then one day, all of a sudden you do it?!?! I don’t buy it, lady! So, what’s the deal?!?! What’s the scam?!?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!”

Reese: “Okay, Mom, now I know you love manual labor and all, but you’re going to actually be very proud of me.”

Mom: “Oh, Lord give me strength…”

Reese: “See, the way I see it, we both make out as winners on this one.”

Mom: “Please, Lord, I can only take so much stress…”

Reese: “Okay, after you showed me last night how to make up my bed properly it just looked to perfect to mess up…”

Mom: “Yeah…”

Reese: “So, I thought, “Why ruin a good thing?”

Mom: “Yeah…”

Reese: “So, I put my sleeping bad on top of my bed and I slept in the sleeping bag instead of in the bed.”

Mom: [silence]

Reese: “You see, this way I get all the comfort of sleeping in a bed, but not all the hassle of sleeping in a bed. I don’t ever have to make it up and you don’t ever have to yell at me to make it up. We’re both winners!!”

Mom: [silence]

Reese: “Mom?”

Mom: “Reese?”

Reese: “Yeah, Mom?”

Mom: “You have got to be…”

Reese: “Uh-huh?”

Mom: “THE LAZIEST CHILD EVER BORN ON THE PLANET EARTH!!!”

Reese: “What?!?!”

Mom: “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SLEEP IN THE BED AND, WHEN YOU WAKE UP, MAKE UP THE BED! DO YOU THINK I’M RAISING YOU TO BE A BUM?!?!?! YOU DON’T SLEEP IN A SLEEPING BAG!!! YOU SLEEP IN THE BED AND YOU MAKE IT UP!!! IT’S NOT HARD!!! YOU MAKE IT UP!!! YOU MAKE IT UP!!!!!”

Reese: “But, Mom, it’s more efficient this way!”

Mom: “EFFICIENT?!?! EFFICIENT?!?! WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT WORD?!?!?! IS THAT WHAT I SEND YOU TO THESE WHITE SCHOOLS FOR?!?!? SO YOU CAN LEARN WORDS LIKE EFFICIENT?!?!?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT EFFICIENT REALLY MEANS?!?! IT’S A SYNONYM FOR “LAZY!!!”

Reese: “No, Mom, “efficient” means…”

Mom: “GIRL, DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT “EFFICIENT” MEANS!!!”

Reese: “Awww, man…”

Mom: “Now, you listen to me! From now on you sleep in the bed! And, when you wake up, you make up the bed!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?”

Reese: “Yes.”

Mom: “Now, go on and get to your patrol post before you’re too late. Or did you invent teleporting so you wouldn’t have to walk to school?!?!”

Reese: [sigh] “Bye, Mom.”

Mom [mumbling under her breath]: “…“efficient!” “Efficient” my butt! I’ll show her “efficient…”




Later that morning…


Joey: “Hey, Reese, you’re late! The 3rd graders took out some 1st graders on their way to the playground.”

Reese: “Sorry, Joey.”

Lucy: “C’mon, Reese! You’re "The Enforcer!" We patrols are counting on you. What gives?”

Reese: “Aww, man! My mom yelled at me because I slept in my sleeping bag on top of my bed last night instead of sleeping in my bed.”

Joey: “Why’d you do that?”

Reese: “So, I wouldn’t have to make my bed in the morning.”

Lucy: “OH. MY. GOD.”

Joey: “REESE! THAT’S BRILLIANT!! I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!!”

Lucy: “Hey, everyone come here!!! Listen to what Reese invented!!! You’ll never have to make your beds again!!!!”




The next morning…




Joey: “Reese! Hello, you’re late again!!”

Reese: “Yeah, I know. My mom wouldn’t let me leave until I made up my bed.”

Lucy: “Oh, too bad. By the way, Joey and I both did what you did and slept in our sleeping bags instead of in the bed last night.”

Reese: “Oh, yeah?”

Joey: “Yeah, Reese. It worked perfectly!!!”

Reese: “Yeah?”

Lucy: “Yeah, I didn’t have to make my bed or nothing!!!”

Reese: “But, didn’t your parents yell at you for being lazy?”

Joey: “No, no way!”

Lucy: “My dad said it was very efficient."

Reese: “Are you serious?!?”

Joey: “Yeah, my mom said that too. She said, “Joey, you are the most industrious little boy on the planet. To come up with such an efficient idea shows how smart you are.”

Reese: “Man, I can’t believe it!!!”

Lucy: “Sorry, your mom won’t let you use your sleeping bag, Reese.”

Reese: “Yeah, but, I guess it makes sense in a way.”

Joey: “Yeah, how so?”

Reese: “Well, my mom always said that when you’re Black you have to work twice as hard. I guess this just proves what she said is true.”

Lucy: “Man! Being black must be tough.”

Reese: “Yeah, I mean you got to make your bed and everything!”

Joey: “Geesh! Sorry, you’re black Reese.”

Lucy [patting Reese on the shoulder]: “Yeah, sorry.”

Reese: [sigh] “There’s always something trying to keep the little black girl down. There’s always something…”




© Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

6 Comments:

Blogger jeopardygirl said...

Reese, at the risk of being slammed, I have to say I don't think your race has ANYTHING to do with it. I'm white, and my mother would have had the exact same reaction if I had ever tried to do that. (I was afraid of my Mom, she looked mean). Now that I have my own home, I never make my bed except when I'm expecting company. Ha!

2:16 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Actually, I don't think race had anything to do with my mom thinking my plan was lazy. You have to understand that any little idiosynchrosy that my sister and I displayed as kids, that my mother couldn't explain, she just chalked it up to the white kids we went to school with. But, in reality, my sister and I were just knuckleheads. My mom knew this, but white schools/kids were just a convenient excuse to deal with whatever stress my sister and I had inflicted at the time.

It's actually quite funny if you think about it. ;)

9:03 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

LoL, does your mom know my mom? This sounds like something my mom has done before.

12:07 AM  
Blogger Jessica R. said...

haha - thats so crazy - moms never appreciate being shown up by their kids.

Love your childhood stories.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Oh God - Moms and beds just do not mix. My mother would rather I went to school hungry than without making my bed. Seriously, if I had a choice between making my bed, or having breakfast, the bed would win every time!

She would actually wake us up out of a sound sleep to straighten out the wrinkle left on her bedspread if we sat on it to watch TV. The woman is certifiable. I would tug on the comfortor so it was perfectly straight, she would say "thank you" then pull the sheets back and get into bed.

I would go back to my bed shaking my head in amazement that the state hospital wasn't knocking down our door that very moment!

To make matters worse, I make the bed now before I get into it. ONLY because my husband totally destroys it by the time morning comes around, and the sheet is always wadded up at the foot of the bed and sideways.

And he has the NERVE to make fun of me about making the bed. "You're just going to get into it and mess it up again anyway." Oh, he has no idea!!

3:39 PM  
Blogger Deshaun said...

Whats up reese! Just stopping by to let you know that i'm fine and back blogging.

So how have you been!?

3:58 PM  

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