Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Moment of Silence


Orlando Bloom: “So, Reese, I hope you’re okay with me getting married?”

Reese: [silence]

Orlando: “I know you said that the day I marry someone who is not you is the day you die, but I love Kate and I can’t not marry her.”

Reese: [silence]

Orlando: “Reese? Reese?”

Reese: [silence]

Orlando: “Reese, are you okay?!?! Please, don’t have a heart attack, Reese! Please, don’t die!!!”

Reese: [sighing]

Orlando: “Oh, you’re still alive!!!! Oh, thank god!!”

Reese: “You know, Orlando, I’m okay with this.”

Orlando: “With what? Me being in your presence standing next to you in all my awesome, gorgeous glory?”

Reese: “No, I mean you and Kate getting married. I’m okay with it.”

Orlando: “Oh. My. God. Reese is DEAD!!!! SHE’S BEEN REPLACED BY AN ALIEN!!!!”

Reese: “I am not an alien, Orlando!!! I’m just okay with it.”

Orlando: [silence]

Reese: “You’re looking at me funny.”

Orlando: “Are you about to kill me?”

Reese: “No!”

Orlando: “You’re not going to stab me in the back when I turn around?”

Reese: “No! Look, Kate is still a be-otch for stealing you away for me, but, eh…I think I’m over it. Good luck to you two.”

Orlando: “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TORN UP ABOUT THIS!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GRAB ME BY THE ANKLES AND BEG ME TO MARRY YOU AND THEN KIDNAPP ME AND FORCE ME TO MARRY YOU!!!”

Reese: “Hmmm??? That does sound like something I would do…”

Orlando: “What gives!?!?!?!”

Reese: “Eh, I don’t know? Just not that broken up about it.”

Orlando: “It’s him, isn’t it?”

Reese: “OH, MY GOD!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?! NOT EVERYTHING IS HIM!!!!”

Orlando: “Where is the b@stard who stole my psycho stalker?!?! I’ll kill him!!!”

Reese: “Orlando, please, get a hold of yourself!!”

Orlando: “No, you get a hold of yourself!!! You’re the one who isn’t acting normal!!!”

Reese: “Look, the thing is, I think I’ve outgrown you.”

Orlando: “Outgrown me? In a month’s time?!?! You just wrote about me 3 weeks ago!!!!”

Reese: “Yes, but that was me just holding onto past obsessions. I like lot’s of boys now.”

Orlando: “Like who?!?!”

Reese: “Well, there’s him. And Aaron McGruder because he gave me The Boondocks in cartoon form, and Kanye West ever since he declared that George Bush hates Black people…”

Orlando: “You mean, I’ve been replaced?!?!”

Reese: “Oh…yeah….sorry, man. But, hey, you’re going to get married!!! Happy Engagement Day, man!!!”

Orlando: “Yea…I guess so…”

Reese: “Orlando, are you okay?”

Orlando [crying]: “I’m going to miss your stalker tendencies, Reese!!! I love you, you know?!?!!”

Reese: “Yea, I know. But, there’s Kate…”

Orlando: “Screw, Kate!!! I want you, back!!!”

Reese: “Oh, I’m sorry Orlando. But, I’ve moved on. Hey, you’ll be okay. You’re still hot, right?”

Orlando: “Yea, I am hot.”

Reese: “See, there’s always a silver lining.”

Orlando: “Yea, I guess…”

Reese [in condescending, baby speak]: “Noowww, what do you say we got get some ice cream and turn that frown upside dooowwwnnnn?”

Orlando [resumes crying like a little girl]: “NOOOOO, I can’t do it!!!! I can never see you again!!!!”

Reese: “Orlando?!?”

Orlando [still crying]: “It hurts!!!! It just hurts so much!!!!!!!”




© Copyright 2005. All Rights Reserved.


20 Comments:

Blogger Deshaun said...

Who the hell is kate?!

Is he getting married for real? ...You know, I don't keep up with this type of stuff! ...I'm a man!!! :-)

6:14 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Lol. He's marrying Kate "The Be-otch" Bosworth. She was in a movie called Blue Crush, I think.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

I heard about this and i was wondering how you were holding up but i am glad that you are handeling this well. Now tell us some more about "him" like who the hell is he?

11:58 PM  
Blogger derek said...

Damn this "him"...

Who is he and why is he taking pieces of Reese...(enter joke about multi-colored, chocolate-covered peanut butter ellipsoids here)?

Don't let me see him in the streets...

2:22 AM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Really though, Reese... who the hell is this "him" character... hmmmm! :-D Never thought I would see the day that you'd take impending Orlando nuptials so well, but maybe there's much more to this story than you're sharing.... :-P

10:54 AM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

Look People is is clear to me that Reese has been replaced by aliens. Wht we need to be discussing is whether these aliens mean us harm or whether they will bring us cool technology. I am sad that my friend Reese is no longer among us but this new alien scourge is taking up a lot of my worry right now. We really need to be focusing on that.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

LOL @ "Lisa."

Karla & Joanne: Who is "him?" That's not grammatically correct, is it?

Only time will tell...

Derek: Finally! I was wondering when someone was going to start with the Reese's Pieces jokes. You're taking me back to 2nd grade now. ;)

11:09 AM  
Blogger KOM said...

"Lisa", "Orlando", "Him".

The voices just keep coming, don't they? Seriously, I'm starting to get worried about you.

You understand that I'm going to have to alert the authorities when "Orlando" starts posting comments.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

dude, i think kate is soooooooo fug.

wow, that's just no good,meh...his fault for liking such an ugly, ugly boring girl.

i mean, she cant even carry brown hair! that's just sad, that mean's you've got nothing.

hehe

haha, i'm glad you're handeling this well......hmmmmm, i havent seen boondock in cartoon form, how interesting.

4:02 PM  
Blogger derek said...

"Him" is real...but I am going to get him when I see him...

9:31 PM  
Blogger "Lisa" said...

I am real too.

12:10 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

Whatever Reese you know what i mean :) now do tell who is he?

10:32 PM  
Blogger Reese The Law Girl said...

Karla: I told you only Time will tell.

Sheesh! No one listens to me. ;)

1:57 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I had this EXACT conversation with Jessica!

1:30 PM  
Blogger Jessica R. said...

HAHA - this is great writing - why haven't I visited more often? I will definitely be staying tuned to find out who "him" is.

9:26 PM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

Poor Orlando, I am sure he will be able to get over the shock, but it must have been a hell of a thing for him.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Mon said...

So will "Time" be posting soon?

10:29 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Wow, what were you taking?

4:35 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

:)

4:35 PM  
Blogger Shelley Halima said...

This was so funny and sad at the same time. Sad because this is really how some guys are. They get torn up when you're not still pining for them. I gotta come here more often.

1:17 AM  

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